Hey Mark...whats been up??
Find a Conversation
Hey Mark...whats been up??
| Thu, 04-24-2008 - 1:10pm |
Hi Mark,
Just wanted to get a status update on you. I always look forward to reading your post and value everything you say. Im kind of getting a feeling you are a bit off right now...not the always upbeat grounded centered person ive come to know (in a very short period of time so i may be WAY off here). You seem a bit distracted and sort of ho-hum...Anywho...if im totally off just shrug it off and consider it a shout out to a fellow former jersey-ian.
M

Pages
I'd really like to know what guy's think about paying for dates all the time... i know that's what a good guy should do.. but at what point does it start becoming more of a mutual thing.. and paying for oneself?
Like TG and I ... we kinda joke about how i'm doing well now with my new job and should take HIM out to dinner.. but he replied. no you are a single mother of 5... he doesn't mind paying...
but i don't know if i should offer... I told him that I wanted to do it (at least once)....
so Mark, what do you think? (but caution... per the other thread "who are you", I may not take any of your advice...lol)
Loonybunny
What I do or think is irrelevant for this is personal between you and TG. I think intimacy is when you can discuss and be vulnerable about money and sex.
I think it depends on the net income discrepency, the occasion, the type of place/event, etc. As I told Jane, she does not have to reciprocate in terms of taking me out to dinner at a restaurant but can be something else. She could cook me dinner. She mentioned that she sits in on a weekly jam session where she plays her fiddle. I told her that she can invite me to that.
With CNDG, I always paid. I got somewhat resentful for a bit after a while but then I let that go after realizing that we have very disparate net income-debt levels plus she does not like to cook.
So no need to pay attention or disregard my "advice" :-P.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Hey.. thanks for the response.... you kinda brought it up and i was curious ....
thanks.
"I asked if we could hold hands in the movie since I really wanted to have that human touch and
I do like her and there is a possibility of a continued and closer relationship in my mind. I asked her to hear Mike Doughty on Saturday night but she is working. She asked for me to go hiking with her tomorrow day. I look to doing something more with her.
As those of us who have lived over a half a century and been in more than one relationship, I believe we can take care of ourselves if each of us are direct and honest with each other as we go on dating.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
I feel lonely. I am lonely in the sense of not having a person who I can share my SELF. I am lonely for not having someone whom I can count on being totally present, who is genuinely interested in my life, who is empathetic (according to Marshall Rosenberg’s definition, connected with what is alive within me), who does not want to fix me or tell me about their stuff, who is patient, and who is compassionate.
The more I connect with people in my life, the more I realize that my purpose is to be the Witness in their lives, to listen with presence and empathy and not to judge. I am comfortable and willing to do that. With each person as their story unfolds, I am struck that I am here for a reason and that I am gifted with this skill to do this for others.
I am glad to realize this way of how I can make a difference in this world. I know that my heart and mind can be used to be brought to bear where people in my life feel safe, to feel at ease, to let their concerns and pain out so that they can be comforted and perhaps regain their emotional footing so they can move forward beyond this current pain.
I wish I have someone who I can do the same. I created this construct where this person has to be a romantic partner for who else will be willing, to be devoted, to be invested to do such a thing? Who else would be motivated to just listen, to want to have me feel better? I make up in my mind that anyone else who is not a partner then they have their own lives and own partners to focus on and consequently cannot fully be present for me.
Of course this is yet another story I make up in my head. I also recognize that I don’t NEED to have someone to be empathetic and present for me. I can do that for myself as well. In fact, I know that I NEED to do that for myself. It is the old self love thing. I need to love myself first.
I am also writing this after talking with my soul friend, Lisa for over an hour. Who better exemplifies a present, compassionate friend/presence? Actually talking to Lisa highlighted my aloneness for I know she is yet another friend who has her own life. As someone quoted, it does not work if I’m an option and she is a priority. So here I sit at my computer, constructing this blog, listening to Cat Stevens singing “Sad Lisa” LOL. It's a bittersweet thing. She revealed that she is in a romantic relationship which did not surprise me. I don't know of anyone who would show up and just accept and love me for who I am without judgment or reaction. My daughter comes closest to that other than Lisa.
So I know cosmically-spiritually that I am not alone and I am being kicked in the butt being reminded to get back to that place of center.
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
I want to share part of the email I got back from Jane. The T/F in the EFNP and N are all from the Myers-Briggs personality profile where T/F=Thinking/Feeling, N=Intuitive, something we talked about in the theater. She shared in the email how she had to deal with a suicide that week, something I did not know at the time of our date.
"Next day- sitting next to this match.com man in a movie theater that I barely knew. I found myself holding his hand. Didn't argue with the fluctuating T/F in the EFNP as the N said, "shh. Don't question. It's ok." .......When too much water is taken, the well runs dry. How grateful I was, to have been restored by touch and a calm presence. Without the need for words. Don't think I have ever had an experience like that before with someone I barely know...Thanks for knowing how to connect...."
There's something to be said about simple human connection. To have a connection without an agenda, without any expectations, without any strings. To just BE, when you are together. There is a peace and calmness to it. You get an acceptance out of it. I think I know what you mean, Mark. Though I know that many people can (and will) analyze things til it's no longer alive anymore (I've done that MANY times over myself, so I know). But to just experience experiences as they are, and nothing more... it's pure and it's simple and it brings peace.
I really think that is why I love my time with Hiker. We can just enjoy each other and we know there is an emotional connection as well (we're not just strangers or "new" anymore)... but yet there are no expectations. Things happen as they happen, and no one questions why they happen (or don't). It just IS, and it's alive without us having to force it.
I found what Jane said to be quite profound... and true. I'm just not sure if I could find peace in it coming from someone I hardly know- but from Hiker, it is a real sense of peace.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
My latest MySpace blog after talking with CNDG who informed me that she is now in a romantic relationship with someone which I sorta knew but it was painful to hear. We had a good, honest talk. I do appreciate who she is and as someone I value as a friend but to shift to friendship is hard. My chest/heart has been literally hurting for the past week. I attribute that to my flu/virus but also what is going on emotionally. I hesitated to post this blog for I know she reads it. I do not want to jeopardize the friendship.
-----
Start blog: Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning.
The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with woman and on they went with the journey.
As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk's mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, "how could you carry her like that? You know we can't touch women, it's against our way of life". The senior monk answered, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?
I know that I am still carrying her in some ways. I realize that part of the reason is that I heard her tell me that she was not ready for a relationship, that it takes time, that patience is needed but then turned around to have one after we parted. I have not received acknowledgment or empathy for my sorrow which has made it harder for me to let go and heal. All this is past and what is but it is what creates pain in me and what is imprinted onto my heart.
I also recognize that mourning is something that time heals. There is a difference wanting to hold onto pain versus feeling that in my heart. So I believe that this monk's story is not quite applicable because I am not carrying this in my head like the junior monk but experiencing it in my body.
The only way I know how to deal with this is to sit with it. To meditate. To make friends with the pain and sorrow. I have not done that yet. I guess it is time.
end Blog
Edited 4/27/2008 4:01 am ET by mhash
Pages