Hey Mark...whats been up??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Hey Mark...whats been up??
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Thu, 04-24-2008 - 1:10pm

Hi Mark,


Just wanted to get a status update on you. I always look forward to reading your post and value everything you say. Im kind of getting a feeling you are a bit off right now...not the always upbeat grounded centered person ive come to know (in a very short period of time so i may be WAY off here). You seem a bit distracted and sort of ho-hum...Anywho...if im totally off just shrug it off and consider it a shout out to a fellow former jersey-ian.


M

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 11:53am

Oh Mark- that stinks!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 12:37pm

Oh Mark.. I am so sorry. I can feel your pain. Believe me I did feel this pain inside my body and mind everywhere just like you. I always knew that my Ex is not ready for a life I wanted.. never showed romance .. I stood by him through may difficulties.. and he had no time for a romantic relationship . But he needed me to support him emotionally. I tagged along.. wasted my time.. Always hoping things would change.. he got a job, has more time now and for the first time since I met him he was raedy in his life for a relationship. I hoped that he would appreciate what I did and how my time was wasted.. I wanted him to go for counselling as I was tired of being his counsellor.. He got stronger.. He cut off ties with me.. Found a woman online and boom.. married..


But he did

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 12:54pm

Yes, I am not comfortable maintaining contact or at least initiating contact. I like that quote someone posted, about me being an option and she is a priority.

I had an OK coffee yesterday. Sheri is 57 and she looks really good. I felt comfortable with her and she just dove in and just talked about stuff. I did not feel any chemistry or connection though. She would be a fun person to do activities with.

I had a lousy concert last night. I felt my flu/virus come back to me while I was at the concert. My body starting really hurting with my back, neck, head having pain. I felt really tired. I did not like any of the bands there. Maybe it was my state-of-mind but I did not think any of musicians or the songs were that good.

I took Aimee. Aimee my 38 yr old, 5'11" massage therapist friend shared how she just started this great relationship with a 54 yr old guy. I told her that she gives old guys like me hope. I was glad I took her. She is taking the A New Earth Ophra class so she is this conscious and kind woman who shared how I can deal with my CNDG pain. I was glad also because I enjoyed how she enjoyed the music.

Right now I hope, I hope, I hope I don't have the flu again. Yesterday I felt 95% better until last night. Today, I'm 45% OK.

Today I got two coffee dates. I hope I feel well enough.

Thanks for the hugs.





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 1:07pm

Thanks dancewithme.

When I took CNDG to Cirque du Soleil, I gave her a dog tennis ball and told her that it is in her court for I am not going to chase anymore so that was "closure." When I saw her on Match the same time I was on it, I felt confident that I would be shown in a better light compared to anyone else. When her profile did not appear on the site anymore then I sorta knew she met someone.

When we were together, she asked what I got out of the relationship for she felt she was receiving more than giving. I got a lot for myself in my own growth and that is why I miss her.

I see relationships as self-selecting, meaning that if it does not work out then it was not meant to be. I got totally invested in CNDG because never in my entire life I felt so sure that she is meant to be in my life. She was not meant to be a romantic partner is the pain of it and that is my challenge to shift out of that attachment.

Thanks again dancewithme.

Mark




Edited 4/27/2008 6:09 pm ET by mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 10:11pm

"She was not meant to be a romantic partner is the pain of it and that is my challenge to shift out of that attachment."

HUGS is all I can say - I know that pain all too well. At least you know for sure and can move on - in a way I think that is better than hoping and hoping. And you have been a lot more busy dating than any of us. I feel like it IS a man's market out there - was at a party tonight and there were WAY more women than men.

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 12:21am

Ok my dating marathon is over this weekend. My OTHER experience will be posted in a separate post.

I want to go backwards to Thursday where I took Jane (51 yr old social worker who works at an ER) to see "Young@Heart" where I cried multiple times during the movie as we held hands. I received a sweet email from her saying how my touch helped her because of her experience at the hospital where she worked where a patient killed himself. For me it was healing because I was feeling sad from my loss of Lisa. She grew in attractiveness as the evening evolved. I am looking forward in finding a time and opportunity to see her again. TBD.

Saturday coffee with Sheri (57 yo public affairs for the water/sewer municipality) was "OK." She had great energy, extrovert, friendly and looked good. She would be a good person for activities but I really did not feel that "connection."

Saturday night was the concert with my 38 yr old massage therapist friend. I got re-sick at the concert. I was 95% better but plunged to 35% as the evening progressed. It was nice to have shared my pain with her and she brought to the evening a light and positive vitality. She just met this 54 yr old guy. I told her she give us old guys hope.

Sunday morning was with Lynn (56 yo nurse for a private doctor). Wow she looked very attractive! Slender blonde. She is more reserved but want to learn to open. I was comfortable with her and invited her to a MeetIn.org mystery dress up party. She accepted which surprised me because her being reserved but she said it is easier to come in a different persona. This was what Lisa said as well. Lisa went with me the last MeetIn.org mystery party.

Sunday afternoon was with Cindy, 48 yr old runner who is a school librarian. We met in a bookstore where we talked in the "Relationship" book aisle LOL. Funny that she dated my co-worker (who seems to get a LOT of eHarmony action). I was comfortable with her and thought she was attractive. We made a sushi dinner date for Tuesday.

Jane, Lynn, and Cindy are all women that I am excited about. I must admit Lynn's looks is the key reason why I am excited about her but not the only thing. For all the women I felt I was able to connect authentically and openly (visa versa) which is the prerequisite for any sort of close relationship. Jane is one with the most open heart coming out of the chute. Cindy is attractive and nice so she falls in the middle of the open heartedness and the physical attractiveness.

I am gauging which one I want to invite to see the B-52s with me in two weeks. I got the tickets a while ago with the hope to have someone to go with. In fact that was what prompted me to call Lisa for she was the one who planted the seed of how fun it would be to see them and that was mentioned before they were known to be coming to town.

I am happy and somewhat surprised that I have attracted such nice looking and conscious women in my life. I hope I can continue to "let go" and not be so intense and impatient as I have done in the past when I want to make things happen. I believe this is an ideal time for me to do this since I was still healing from Lisa so I am not so attached in creating another relationship. This enables me to be more relaxed about this whole process.

Mark

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 12:22am

Pulled off my MySpace blog today:

I had a catharsis of the soul today. It took talking to a friend whom I have never met in Iowa but our connection is one of heart as much as any can be without meeting. Sandy shared how much I have transformed her personal relationship with her soul lover. From our contact with each other over the years, she has been able open up her heart to another, to know what she is feeling and thereby able to create a relationship of deep intimacy with her partner.

My soul friend has expressed something similar for herself from her experience with me. It took hearing this from Sandy to cause this shift in my heavy heart and release a stream of tears. I think it was because I have had this difficulty of letting go what I was holding onto with Lisa so it took talking with Sandy for me to feel that depth of gratitude and a feeling of appreciation. I always said that tears cleanse the soul and it happened today. I thank Sandy, my angel-of-the-day.

I am reminded of how powerful I am and therefore what (one of) my purpose in my life. I hark back to the Marianne Williamson quote, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I am reminded all the time of how blessed I am. I was able to catch Sandy when I called her in Iowa. No accidents that she was able to talk with me and shared that particular part of herself. Just what I needed.

I am blessed to have felt as deeply – the good as well as the pain. Lisa was brought into my life for more reasons that I can imagine. I am blessed for . Thank you .

I am blessed to have my friend Aimee who took me up on my offer to see Mike Doughty on Saturday. She shared her wisdom and compassion as well as her new love in her life. I got to experience her vitality and openness. She was all part of this journey of shifting and healing.

Of course having my dear children stay with me this weekend also was part of my incredible life of blessings. My empathetic daughter who is so solid in herself was a healing presence. My son got to stay over for the night and he is such a great reminder of the embodiment of being in the present moment and facing life with confidence.

I use to say that how much I laugh out loud as the barometer of my spiritual health. Now I say it is how deeply I feel as that barometer. Even though it has not been a happy experience, I FELT and it's good to have my heart not be numb or uncaring to feel that pain and be open enough to receive the love that is all around me.





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:26am

Okay - listen. Your dating marathon is just astounding to me! Did you contact all of these girls, or did some of them contact you?

I think the one you held hands with - the 51 year old - sounds like the ticket for you. But only you can know that for sure!! You are on a roll. I don't think ANY of us girls have had this many dates in 3 months never mind one week.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:50am

I contacted all of them on Match. I am amazed myself for I have never gotten such a number of responses before especially in just one week. I guess it took me being sick to send out that caring energy. Jane is a social worker. Lynn is a nurse. Cindy is a librarian/teacher.

I notice Jane talks a lot. She is an extrovert. She has not really paused to learn too much about me so that bothers me a bit but then again she's an extrovert. Lynn asked me a lot of questions so I felt I was the one who talked too much during the date but she reassured me that I did not. I felt that with Cindy it was a balance in our conversation but I suspect I talked more than she did.

Part of my not being "intense" as some women have called me is not to quiz my dates. I wanted to just allow them to talk let how they are reveal themselves without the interviewing approach.

I hope I can balance this dating stuff. I never really have dated more than one woman at a time before. I attach easily so this time I really have to take my time. Novel concept for me LOL.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 10:42am

Wow - good stuff Mark!

I think that time tends to "shake more out" so to speak - meaning people reveal themselves over time. Some become more appealing and some less so - so it is good you are dating more than one - wait and see - and then you will get a good one. I tend to settle down too fast with one - and this time I want to try to make a better choice and not just come off the market too fast only to get disappointed and then have to start all over again.

So - CHEERS to you and your escapades - keep us posted!

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