hey women, tell me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
hey women, tell me
9
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:38am
Up for some discussion today?

I read this somewhere else on the net in reference to the "he's just not that into you" book...remember we talked about that earlier?

I thought this was interesting, coming from a guy. I'd like to know what you all think about it. The guy who writes the book has such an OPPOSITE opinion...what experiences has everyone had in this area?

*****

"Many guys, myself included, have zero clue when a girl is interested in us.

It comes from a series of rejections. We see signs that make us think yes (or maybe) so we ask her to a date, and hear no.

Repeat with a different girl a few times and eventually the guy doesn't know what to look for.

Once a relationship is getting started, sure let us do the calling (though I can't think of any guys who were really bothered by a girl calling him), but if you're interested and we're oblivious then let us know you're interested."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:26am

Hi Candi,


I think it's true - a lot of men have no clue when

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:30am
I read 'he's just not into you'. It's a great book and I wish I had read it before I got into my last relationship.

The book tells you to let a guy know you are interested. You can flirt etc... then, drop it. Don't ask the man out. Let him do that. If he's really interested, he'll ask you out. If he's not that interested, he'll probably go out with you if you ask him...but relationship most likely won't get off the ground.

When I look back at all of my past relationships, the shortest relationships were the ones in which I initiated the first date. The longest ones were the ones when the guy had to work the hardest to get me to even go out with him the first time.

Of course, to date, all of my relationships have ended in failures. So there you go. I don't know if it matters that much who starts the ball rolling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 1:54pm
I also read that book and totally agree with this post. I could not have written it better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:14pm
I know there’s some truth in there, but then how do people be friends first and then get together. I’d like to know someone as a friend first. I want something more mutual than someone chasing me down and "catching" me. LOL I’ve had guys who did that, and they were just pushy. And they assumed things about me that were not accurate, which was really uncomfortable.

Remember Kevin the lawyer wannabe? He was so positive that I was just what he wanted that I could NOT take him seriously. He had no clue who I am, as a person.

And the guy I'm flirting with now...neither one of us know each other well enough to want to chase. There is attraction, but...

So, there's definitely a line and beating your head against the same brick wall for a period of months is a bad idea, but I don't think it's that "instant".




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:42pm
I think that there are always going to be exceptions to any approach you take with dating. It’s not an exact science. When hormones and attraction are involved anything goes. The beauty of being human is that we have brains and emotions to help guide us through the mating ritual…or maybe that’s our curse? Depending on how one looks at it. lol

I’ve asked men out and men have asked me out and I think it can work both ways. I think that anyone who limits themselves to one approach only, is limiting their possibilities. I also think what happens after you start dating, is far more important than who actually starts it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 4:27pm


God I LOVE that post...you'd be a great anthropologist...

Mind if I frame that and hang it on my wall???

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 6:08pm
I think a relationship is a two way street. If you are "into" someone, call them, enjoy their company and don't string them along. Show them that you care by being there. Yes, have your own life too. You have to. BUt if you are in a relationship, you should want to spend time with that person and include them. Introduce them to your friends and show each other that you are proud of being with each other.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:22am
I won't even start to answer that, because no matter what, I am a magnet for bad men. NO MATTER what. They seem to be everywhere, or at least everywhere I AM. No matter how packed with individual guys, I end up going out with the worst in the bunch! So, basically, I have no clue to that answer. I have always been asked out. I have rarely done the asking out, because it takes me a bit longer. Before i can get the courage the guy has always taken the lead. Supposidly my eyes show them I'm interested. I keep being told time and time again, I have cat eyes that really attract men. Loads of mystery and mischief in them. GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! I say they have loads of S&%" in them. Look what I attract? Flies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:40pm

I think that anyone who limits themselves to one approach only, is limiting their possibilities. I also think what happens after you start dating, is far more important than who actually starts it.


Gabriella, I agree with Candi...you are GOOD!