hi looking for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
hi looking for advice
2
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 11:37am

Hey I haven't been posting much here but I do read all the time. I do look at what others do and what's going on with others. I have a somewhat of a unique situation. Just to review...I am a single mom of one 7 year old girl..she has no contact/visitation with her dad. (long story but it's for the better) I am dating, (I guess we call it that, seeing each other, whatever) a guy who has domiciliary custody of two boys, 7 and 8. His boys are actually good friends with my daughter and we're next door neighbors. The kids don't know about us. His ex-wife has irregular visits with the boys depending on her mood. (sometimes she keeps them for a weekend, sometimes she leaves town for months, sometimes she does the every other weekend thing) With me here? Yeah can we get a bit more complicated huh?

So things have been going well. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but we've been dating for maybe two months now, maybe a little less. Neither of us are seeing anyone else though and we get along great. Here is my concern: adult time alone together is hard to come by. Obviously both being single parents with no child support (either of us)we are limited on spending money. Also with limited visitation for each kids, no kid nights are limited. (my daughter will go spend time with my mom or my sister at nights sometimes) So I am concerned on how this will progress if we can't spend alone time. Thus far we have done a few real dates, he's probably going to my corporate christmas party with me, a few stay at home movie nights and then what we do (and no it doesn't revolve around sex) is if one has a sitter and the other doesn't, I'll go over or he'll come over after the kids are asleep. We also spend time together on the weekends but the kids are around so there are stolen kisses and glances but no real affection. Like hanging out in each others apartments.

I think he's coming around on the kid thing, I'm not so sure about it yet though. We were kissing inside my front hall with all kids locked out and I was like omg 3 kids in therapy! and he was like ahhh it wouldn't be that bad)

Now I did want to mention that we were really close friends for about a year and a half before any of this started.

So advice? Should I just quit worrying? How can we find more adult time alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:33pm

Hi Nola and welcome.

I think you ask good questions.

My biggest question after carefully reading your story and post, was not what you are asking - that is how to get more alone time - but what does HE want? Are you becoming just a convenient next door intimate buddy or FWB? Or is he really into you and does he really want a relationship and to make you his girlfriend?

Because if he is really into you and really wants you as a girlfriend then the two of you are going to be very able to make time together, especially if you live next door. I think you need to clarify this before you get big expectations and then get hurt.

I think now is a good time to find out what he wants. What is in his head? What does your gut tell you?

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 11:18pm

Hi Nola,


After two months of dating and not wanting to date other people, it may be time to sit with him and talk to him about your relationship and the direction it's heading.


Photobucket