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| Mon, 12-19-2005 - 1:01am |
I'm Angela and I have a ds who's 4 1/2. His dad, I'll refer to him as C, is not the best with him. I haven't heard from C since June, when I told him I was moving on after giving him a "second" chance-I gave him several chances during pg and the 6 wks pp. He just kind of disappeared when I was 5 mos pg. He showed up again after I wrote a letter and sent it to his father's address-this coincided with the state's decision to go after child support when my ds was 3 1/2. I asked him if he was sure about trying again and he assured me he was genuinely wanted to try to make things work. Silly me I still loved him, even if I was disappointed in him. Now I've taken him back to court, and he was a no show. He in turn filed a petition about the court's ruling and we go back in January. If he hadn't tried to come back into our life, I probably would have asked the state to drop it because he is not a part of our lives. And now my ds wants to know when he'll see his dad, whom he refers to by his first name, and his oldest half brother. C has two children from his first marriage, we didn't marry, and he married a second time sometime after I became pg. C would be a big mistake if not for the fact that he helped give me my son, I had been told it would be very, very hard to have a child w/o fertility treatments.
Now, I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can date again without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.
Thanks for listening to my story, I tried to edit out the "poor me" type comments b/c I try very hard not to feel that.
Angela

HI Angela,
I am sorry you have had to experience such pain and disappointment with C. Clearly he shows that he does not want to be a part of your life - if he did he would - and would not make excuses.
But all of that is behind you. I think what you need to do is look ahead to the future. Yes you should pursue child support because the child's future depends on having the most you can give. Do not give up on that - you can file yourself or get a lawyer. I would choose the latter if I could afford it.
And then I think you should give yourself some time to heal and adapt to life as a single mom. Get over your ex. Make your life all it can be - do you have any goals for your future or career or where you want to live? When you get strong on your own you will be ready to date again. Dating does not brinng you joy - it creates a stress and challenge. You need to not be "needy" so you can weed out those with red flags and withstand the guy who is not into you and doesn't call all of a sudden. You need to be able to develop a friendship and not just be intimate right away. Dating needs to be the icing on a delicious cake (meaning your life) so to speak.
Yes, this guy did give you a child. But he is gone now. I think that somehow you should try to see the good in this. Did you read Kaitlyn's post that she made last night? Her ex does more harm than good. Many single moms struggle with difficult ex's that don't really bring anything into the child's life. You have a clean slate - you can make the most of this - making all decisions and having all control. I am hoping you have a dad or uncle or brother or friend that can help be a male role model.
Good luck with you - welcome to our board. I urge you to stay and read many of the posts and participate as you can. You will learn a lot here.
Hugs to your DS. You did ask about what to say to him - right now he is only 4-1/2 - you have to explain that daddy is not in your lives right now. Hopefully if you have other men you see they can help give him a little attention. And you can tell DS he has you all to himself and you will be mommy and daddy.
Angela,
(((HUGS)))
Welcome to the board.
I agree with everything Judy has said (I usually do LOL!).
Thanks for the warm welcome.
I know in my head that I should go after the child support, so I am. I'm letting the state do it for me. After I ended it with C, my dad called Child Support Enforcement b/c he knew what was going to happen. Which by the time I heard from them a month later, so did I.
I live with my mom and stepdad, so my son can have a stable home life and mommy doesn't worry about whether the babysitter will burn down the house when she uses the microwave ;)
My dad lives nearby and an uncle. But, I know that pretty soon, I need to move my son and I to our own place--Mommy and Nana don't get along all that well, love each other, yes.
I work in retail and recently left the accounting office for a floor position. I did this because I'm trying to get into management and they suggested some floor experience.
Angela
ps I'm trying to read some of the newer posts.
Angela,
Good luck getting into management.