Hi...new here
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| Wed, 05-07-2008 - 5:21pm |
Hi there, been lurking for awhile and you all seem pretty great so thought I'd introduce myself.
I'm Anika, Canadian, mom to 1 little man (2 years old in July), 30 years old and have a career I love. I was not married to my ex but we were common law for 7 years. I left him last September do to his anger management issues and verbal abuse, I would not let my son be raised in that environment. Since leaving he has gotten alot of counseling and anger management counseling and is doing great. Another factor in the break up is the fact that we had nothing in common and just were not right for each other.
We live in the same mid-sized city and share our son 50/50 custody and guardianship. We are actually going to for a mediation appointment on Friday to basically just have our agreements filed with the courts but I don't forsee any major issues coming up.
I jumped into a relationship very soon after leaving ex - which was stupid as I obviously was nowhere near ready, it lasted about 4 months before I broke it off.....I feel terrible for hurting the guy like I did as he was a good person, but it just was too soon for me. So I took a few months off men and just concentrated on work, my girlfriends and my son. About 2.5 months ago I started dating a guy I met on POF - my frist foray into OLD and he was the first guy I talked to on there.
So far so good....it's been 2.5 months and he is great, he has met my son a few times, but only in group settings with other people and no PDA's. I feel comfortable with that and we are taking things slow in regards to DS as that is what I believe is best for him (DS) and I don't want BF really involved in his life unless I know it's really going somewhere, not sure when I'll know that but definitly not this early.
Generally things with BF are fantastic, he is sweet, funny, has a great career, nice home, car, good looking, good friends and family who I like and who all seem to like me...and *gasp* he COMMUNICATES! Wow....this is new. We have so much to talk about, alot in common and are super comfortable together. I pretty much spend most of my time that I don't have my son with BF (often with various friends etc - balancing act you know). We laugh alot, are up front and honest with each other....it's just plain good.
My one worry is....Can someone be too perfect? I mean, NO ONE is perfect and that is totally ok, but so far I haven't found anything about this guy that raises red flags or anything. I'm just plain happy that it worries me. Makes no sense I know but....gah.
The one thing that threw me for a loop though is he dropped the "L" bomb a week ago...he is 35, never been married though has been in LTR's. I told him I could see myself going that way if things kept progressing as they are, but that I wasn't there yet and he was totally great about it, no pressure or anything but....how can you love someone after only 2 months??? To me that makes no sense, he says he knows how he feels and what he wants and did not agree with me that perhaps he is confusing infatuation with love, says he has been both infatuated (many times) and in love (only a few times) before and knows the difference.
Anyways, we haven't talked about it since, he has said it a few times since but I don't feel pressured in the slightest. But it's freaking me out.....it just seems too soon.....my girlfriends say that just because it's too soon for me doesn't mean it is for others but...any thoughts on this? I'm really cautious this go around. I really like him, can see this being long term, but really don't want to get hurt or most importantly, hurt my son by another failed relationship.
Anyways, thanks for reading my novel - I hope to get to know you all better! I'm the only single mom in my group of friends so it's really nice to be able to read / talk to others who are facing the same challenges and experiences!
A

Welcome.
From what you write it all sounds wonderful. Keep enjoying! And keep us posted.
I don't see a problem with the L word after 2 months - that is better than after 2 weeks or not at all. He is into you and sees you as someone that is good for him.
I am happy for you - you give us all hope!
There are phases of a relationship as CL-West posted, message #:
Hi and welcome, Anika!
Can someone be too perfect? I mean, NO ONE is perfect and that is totally ok, but so far I haven't found anything about this guy that raises red flags or anything. I don't think the perfect one for you can be 'too perfect'.
I can understand how you feel.