his kid won't learn how to drive
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his kid won't learn how to drive
| Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:17pm |
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Edited 3/15/2007 11:52 am ET by fivesense
Edited 3/15/2007 11:52 am ET by fivesense
| Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:17pm |
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I have a cousin who is a few years younger than I am- he's about 21 now, I guess. Anyhow, his parents (my aunt and ex-uncle) are divorced, and he has a sister my age.
He never learned to drive until this year, when he started going to college. He is a good kid, never in any trouble, but also simply didn't want to learn how to drive. If one of his parents couldn't or wouldn't take him somewhere, he simply didn't go.
I think this year his father finally got to the point where he said "you're going to go to school, and you're going to get yourself there. Figure out how." They live in a fairly rural area, so public transportation would have been tricky, and so he got his license and a part time job to pay for a car and everything that comes with it, and is going to school. Funny thing though is that all of his classes are online.
I don't know what finally made his father decide to stop letting my cousin float along, but I do know he's an extremely talented artist. He has so much potential, it was almost painful watching him not have the ambition to do something, anything, for himself.
I guess I can't imagine it since I got my learner's permit the day I turned 16 (minimum age here), and my license about three months later. Freedom was the most wonderful thing in the world!
I don't really have any advice, but please keep us posted.
Moody, in a rambling mood
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I have just read the posts - and although I'm a little late on this, wanted to offer my opinion.
I agree with everyone else - stop chauffering the child around. While you may think he's mature enough to learn to drive - or even mature enough to ride the bus (and I realize you haven't shared the whole story), the truth is, you can't judge what someone else's capabilities are.
I have an 18 year old son who has severe ADHD...a conversation with him is like dealing with a tightly wound top that could go off in any direction at any time. Example:
Mom: So how was rehearsal tonight?
DS: Fine - we learned the opening number. G isn't getting the dance steps, but he will. I wish...can I go to the movies tomorrow night?
Mom: We'll talk about it (at this point DS interrupts) - Did I tell you I saw a video of Jennifer Hudson on American Idol on youtube? You should check it out - i'll send the link to your - oh, by the way, Bill's birthday is Saturday - we're going into the city, ok?
This is typical conversation in my house.
To be honest with you, until this young man is out of my house and on his own (and not on my insurance), I would rather he DIDN'T drive. Studies have shown that severely ADHD children can actually be dangers on the road because of their inability to focus. Kid tried to take the bus himself one day and missed it - twice - because he wasn't paying attention - I want this kid on the road?????? But given time and necessity, I have no doubt he can learn to take the bus on his own - and probably will.
Now - to that end, I will be more than happy to drive my DS anywhere - if I am available. If I'm not, too bad. He called me at 11:30 Saturday night and asked me to pick him up "later." I was on my way to meet a date, so i said "either I pick you up NOW, or you get another ride." He did...and does...I no longer alter my schedule to meet my son's needs for transportation now that he's an "adult."
My point is that you're perfectly justified in refusing to give any more rides - because it's inconvenient, because it's taking advantage of you, because you just don't WANT to - but not because you want to either force this boy to get a license or force his father to force him.
As for not combining households until he's out, I don't blame you of course, but i often wonder if men feel the same way - and since we're usually the ones that HAVE custody...they have to deal with it far more than we do.
MR (who has several adult friends who don't drive and take public transportation - and is blissfully dating a man with a five year old daughter).
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