housing situation with SYB

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
housing situation with SYB
26
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 9:42am
Hi guys. Well just when I was starting to look younger with all of my anti aging routine, my landlord announced she is selling the place. We live in the city and buying is TOUGH. We were caught completely off guard and now if she puts the house up for sale and someone wants it and wants to live in our apt, we have to be out i 30 days....yikes.
Luckily my son's school will grandfather him in for next year even if we move out of the boundary they have - thank god because the houses in that boundary are about a million dollars, no exaggeration. Anyhow, then there is the thought of renting but with Monty I have to think that would be difficult. I really didnt think about the fact that getting Monty might be risky if our housing feel through - I am kicking myself but I also cant live without him.
SOOOO, Syb's credit is very new since he hasnt been here for very long. It isnt bad but it is new and there isnt much there yet. I have poor credit because I am a loser when it comes to finances and a highly fluctuating income doesnt help that. I have had good credit in the past but somehow I have let things just get very disorganized and I am so mad at myself. I am still going after DS's father for child support but nothing has been resolved yet. He keeps claiming that he has shared custody because he sees him on the weekend but in reality he just drops him off at his parents for a day and a half and then goes and gets him and brings him right back. I know that all I can do now is just pay my bills on time and do better but is there anything I should know about that could help me raise my credit a bit quicker. I have only one credit card which I got about 6 months ago. I have paid the other ones off and my car is paid off but the problem is I paid them off badly because I didnt do it on the schedule most of the time. I think I may have about 1000 in odd debts on the credit report and I need to pay them after I figure out what the heck they are - nice, right? I apparently forgot about a few bills in my move three years ago and I havent heard from them since. So the other though - they got their money but in chunks and as I got it during months where I performed more or whatever. I had that debt from the divorce and I am sure that is why my credit is poor. But at least the bills are paid. I am rambling but basically I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions. My new credit card from six months ago is current and I havent messed it up in any way and someone yesterday suggested I get another one just to have two accounts that are being handled correctly.....
We are kind of spinning over here and SYB seems ready to settle down, buy a house and my family keeps saying "so are you guys getting engaged?" and I keep thinking "where would we be getting the money for a ring when we have to find a downpayment for a house?" I know he will not propose without a ring ( he is way too traditional for that)and I could care less about getting engaged right now to tell you the truth but it does make me a bit nervous buying a property together. My XH left me for a waitress before we were married ( yes I went back like an idiot) right after we signed a contract for a house together. I had to deal with it on my own and he ended up moving in later - I was pretty much an idiot in love back then. So I have to admit I am having trouble not remembering that pain back then even though I know in my heart SYB would never do such a thing.
Moon-would you buy a house in your current situation?
I am not sleeping well over this. It just stresses me out to not know where we will all be ( me and the boys as I call it) in a few months. AHHH.
Lilypie - Personal picture

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 6:18pm

I think this situation is bit tricky.. Do you think it would be helpful to know what is the range that you can afford by yourself or SYB can afford by himself and whats is the range that you can afford together (both in terms of down payement and mortgages). I personally think it is better to buy together after you are legally together or else one of you can buy and the other can help with mortgage(just like you pay rent) and later on when you are married it can be in both of your names..


I am very bad with financial things and I never used to be cautious in giving anything to anyone. My Ex still owes me a

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 8:57pm
Thanks Dance. Its funny because as soon as this happened your suggestion was my first thought. Maybe SYB will buy and I will rent from him and then if we get engaged I will add on to the property then or maybe even after we marry. He was great with that suggestion but we dont know what his credit is like since he has only been here a few years and his credit is new. He has paid his credit card off regularly though and he has a few revolving accounts which he handles well. WE are going to check into this tomorrow. There are a few handyman specials in good neighborhoods that I think he might qualify for alone and then we could take our time fixing up. I am quite handy and so is he. I have refinished floors and woodwork more than once and am good at removing wallpaper and painting and tiling. it would have to be structurally sound though....we found a few things online tonight and will know more tomorrow.
I feel pretty poor today having paid down a lot of debt yesterday finally but I am also proud of myself for getting my financial act together - it was high time!
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 10:39pm
Huge gush of relief over here. I just checked SYB's credit score for him. We had opened up a few revolving accounts for him rather than through me so that we could pay bills together since last year and we did it this way to build credit for him since mine was damaged and I needed to just repair. It seemed the right thing to do at the time and guess what? it seems it paid off because he has paid things on time and even though he has new credit over the past two years ( he has been in the US 3 total as an adult) his score which we thought would be low because it is new is NOT at all low because he has been careful - it is in the 724!
Thank God. We just shared a huge hug. I could have so easily started those house accounts (gym, phone, storage facility) because they would have taken me and he asked me too thinking he wouldnt get one. We had heard that if we tried to get him accounts and they declined it would hurt his score so it was a bit of a gamble. He had to put a downpayment down to get a credit card two years ago because he had zero credit at the time - but we really thought it was important to start him out right so we let him take those on, found health insurance for him and I got an emergency credit card at the time to start repairing my score . It was right about the time we were thinking of moving in together. Funny how we were good with him and I have been so awful with mine but I guess I wanted to help him avoid my mistakes. I honestly thought his score would be near as low as mine ( low 600's....I know, for shame) just because it is so new. Anyhow, upward and onward. We are going to see a realtor tomorrow. I am trying to not get to hopeful here but this is really good news as far as we can see!!
We also had the whole day together today which was so healing. Lots of time to just talk and run errands and walk the dog and just BE.
My son also brought home the Spanish portion of his report card ( he gets two) and he got all A's and B's - this is the first time he has scored A's in the Spanish report card. He was grinning this sheepish grin when he showed me, so proud of his little self. And since he won the science fair this week I think he is finally starting to believe in how smart we all know he is - it has been a bit of a challenge for him for whatever reason. He has trouble focusing a lot and I honestly think the fact that his father dodges almost all responsibility hurts his self esteem sometimes. So it has been a great day over here and BOY did we need one.
Thanks for being such great support to me - I was near tears a lot yesterday!!
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 10:44pm
Ugh. Im sorry for all the stress. I know its really hard. But just take it one day at a time .... (((Hugs)))

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 10:49pm

Wow - that is good news and certainly a good start. And congrats on the great accomplishments of the little guy too!!

Good things are yet to come for you guys - I just know it. I like how SYB is so supportive and understanding and appreciative of your talent and the things that are important to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 11:44pm

He really is amazing. its funny because he seems somehow even more pleased than I am at this news and in the nicest way. because of our age difference and my tunnel visioned youth, I have more of a career than he does and hence, more income but one of the blessings of this current situation is that it lets him know that he is still able to help me and my son and he makes US stronger. I dont know for sure but I think sometimes he might wonder about all of that. He certainly holds his own but I get a lot of attention with concerts and students and general career hoopla and he is still networking for acting and voiceovers and making his way, kind of paying dues. I pretty much paid my dues in my 20's and I work very very hard but it isnt as much of an uphill battle as what he has. he has traveled with me to every concert, and goes to rehearsals when he can - just a real prince. I know he wants his own career to get up off the ground and I am supporting him in that. It must be tough sometimes to watch me on stage so much and wonder when he will get more of that chance. I give him tons of credit because although I see glimmers of this on his face at times or pick up vibes, he has never said anything outright. He loves me and he has faith in both of us individually and in us as a dynamic duo.

He has always been soooo understanding about what we both call remnants from painful times - stuff I see a counselor about and he can relate. He stayed with his Mom just the two of them in the house he grew up in after his Dad died for five years. He helped her and consoled her and just brought in a steady income while she rebuilt her life. We both lost five years helping our Moms and we have both lost them so we share this pain. He then moved over here at her request to help set up over here with his older sister J who was already here going to Grad school. In the early days of our dating I remember him making 2x a month trips to the post office to send his mom money to help with bills and she was truly to arrive here along with his other sister B ( remember her?) three weeks after she died. It was very sudden and devastating and he had been preparing for her arrival and looking forward to them all being family again.
He is very special in this old soul centered way - he understands the good in people and is patient and very open hearted. I am so lucky that he is this way because I truly needed someone like this in my life and in DS's life as well. We are both lucky I know but I am feeling especially lucky tonight.

Lilypie - Personal picture

Pages