How and when to introduce kids to bf
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 08-23-2006 - 2:19pm |
Hi everyone. This is something I have really struggled with. I have since my divorce had more than a few relationships but have never introduced the men to my son. I think after months go by and with him not home on the weekends I can easily stay in denial and just not go through with it because it scares me for some reason. I am working through these fears.
I have recently started dating someone new and it has been about three months and it is serious. I think I might be falling in love with him and he has recently told me how much he respects me not introducing my son to people I have dated so as not to confuse him. My son has many male role models and hi father is very much in the picture so there is no literal need for another guy and yet I want to not always be separating these two portions of my life.
How do I know when the time is right? I have avoided it for so long with other people I am out of whack now on the subject and I dont know what is right anymore? How long do most people wait to do this and what makes them know that the timing is right for everyone involved. How do you accomplish the meeting without placing too much importance on the romantic relationship for the child involved and without putting pressure on the guy to suddenly be Mr. Dad?
I would love to hear what everyone's experiences are on this so i can even just start thinking in this direction for my own life. I want to do it right this time and not live inide of my own fears any longer. Good stories and bad ones are welcome - I think both might help actually!
Thanks so much!

I am kind of struggling with
I am not close to introducing them at this point because I dont feel it has been long enough but since he mentioned it I thought I would start giving it some thought to try and take the edge off of the anxiety the idea creates in my little head....lol I thought hearing from some of you would make me feel less alone about it. In my previous avoiding of introducing bf's to my son I had people thinking I was aboslutely nuts and yet I felt very clear that things just were never at the right point where that should happen. I am hoping I will just know when the time is right but I think my fear is that I might have issues/fears about mixing these two worlds that could prevent me from feeling that the time is right.
Ugh....maybe I should just be grateful that I have an amazing son and an amazing bf and pour myself a drink:)
We have kids on both sides, and we did wait until we were serious (talking about the possibility of marriage).
I was posting quickly earlier and forgot a couple things.
Hi Christine!
My situation is a little different.. it's in our custody paperwork about when other people will be introduced to our children. Our arguements about the custody arrangements and significant others were pretty fierce, but the outcome is one that we both agreed to and I think for the better of our children.
1) Must date monogomously for a year before the S.O. is introduced to the other parent (not the kids). If the other parent doesn't appove of them - they don't get to meet the kids. Period. My children are 7 and 4 and we decided not to create a revolving door on them and they don't need to know about our dating lives anymore than tonight is daddy's night and mommy is going out.
2) No one is to stay overnight while the children are in the house and no one is to move in before 2 years of monogomous dating.
The first year of dating is to see if that person is really committed to the realtionship. Someone that will wait a year to meet your children is someone in it for the long haul. Once they meet the other parent we can all talk as adults about any and all issues - without interruption from the kids. Waiting the second year before anyone moves in together (with the intention of getting married) would allow the kids a year to get to know that person and bond with them.
I'm talking with a man now that is really, really interested in taking our relationship to the next level.... I told him about the one year waiting period and he was a bit surprised, but listened to why I had asked their dad for that amount of time and he agreed to wait to meet them. He has two children of his own and had been talking about them coming to my house and playing with my children, combining our lives and doing all sorts of things together if our weekends with the kids didn't match up. Someone really worth the wait will prove themselves to you in more ways than one.
If that's when you feel that it's time to introduce your child...then that's what's right for you, just be sure to watch the reactions and interactions between the two. Always starting out as a "friend" and letting your child see how much he adores you will go much farther in aiding your child in accepting him as well.
Hope this helps!
Blueeyed607