how to approach ex about trip with BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
how to approach ex about trip with BF
8
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 4:51pm

My BF wants me to go with him for a week in February. We've been together almost 8 months now so it's not like we just met.

Getting the time off work is no problem, but asking my ex to take the kids for the whole week may be. I was thinking that I would offer to take the kids for a week if he would take them for a week. We're planning on leaving the week before school vacation.

Any ideas about how to approach him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 5:07pm

I've had to juggle that one a bit... and it went okay.

I just make it seem like I'm being generous in OFFERING him a week's opportunity to spend with the kids. And in exchange (if you want to "make it fair" to make it looks more enticing, if he is an 'it's gotta be fair' kind of man like my ex is), you can offer to take the kids for a whole week as well.

But really- if the kids spend most of their time with you, then I don't think taking them for a week (to give him a break) is necessary.

But just make it sound like you're giving up time with the kids so he can have an entire week with them. Just keep in mind though- if he isn't the primary caregiver, then he will have to work in childcare and things if he can't keep the kids with him 24/7- and that could be reason enough for him to say no. I don't know your current arrangements, or how much time he is used to spending with the kids, but that is always a factor, especially if he isn't used to having the kids for any large amount of time.

And if things can't work out the way you need it to, I hope the current BF doesn't get bent out of shape over it- because you shouldn't be made to feel like you're a "bad girlfriend" because you're trying to be a good mom.

~shrimpy, tossing out pocket change

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 5:28pm
My ex usually gets the kids every mon,tues plus every other weekend (Fri,Sat,Sun) so he has them for 5 day stretches every other week. But fairness aside he'll probably say no just because he's that way. I was thinking of paying his mother to watch them for my days during that time period if he says no.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 6:23pm

I would go ahead and ask him, and if he says no, then ask his mom as your back up plan.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 8:22pm

I would word it like this "I am going away and thought I should give you the first chance at getting to spend time with the kids." And if he says no then that is his right - then you have to ask his mom.

Good luck!! I hope he sees that it is a chance for him to spend time with his own kids instead of make your life more inconvenient.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 8:27pm
Hey Alison - I love that new picture of yours!! Looks like it should be in a magazine!! How are you doing with your house/apt - are you back in yet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:26pm

Thanks for the input guys! My ex is pretty involved with the kids and very "hands on". It usually goes to his head and he thinks that he's doing it all when I'm doing the very same things during my time with them too. He got down on me for missing a parent-teacher conference (that he scheduled) because I had other plans with my oldest son. He'll totally ignore the fact that I have never missed a conference in I don't know how many years and that I'm the one soley responsible for taking them to doctor's appointments and dentist appointments.

Anywhoo, my BF gave me the dates for departure and return and as it turns out the first five days of the trip are on my ex's days to have the kids, then all I have to worry about is finding help for the following 4 days. Right now I'm waiting till I get the final "ok" from my employer regarding the requested days off before I rock the boat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 11:05pm
I guess it would depend on your relationship with him. Sorry I cant help b/c my psycho X would NEVER agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 6:45pm
My ex won't agree to anything having to do with taking time away from his girlfriend and her kids. Both of my best friends said they would help me out if need be. They basically said there was no way I was missing this trip. LOL. I am going to wait until I get final approval from my boss and then find a way to approach my ex. I figure that I'll wait until after the holiday.