How can a person be such a "LOSER"?

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
How can a person be such a "LOSER"?
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Tue, 08-02-2005 - 7:22am

My X, my oldest D'D's father (the special forces guy)-- Really really did it this time! He has officially ruined his life. Got caught with drugs and pee'd positive. His life is RUINED. He is 33yrs old, will be court martialed and most likely serve time. Which I personally hope he does. He has lost all his benefits, etc etc.

This A hole is thinking of high tailing it out of the country if possible to join the French Foreigh Legion or some other army in another countrry where other criminals run. He is ruined for any future positions in the Goverment of the USA.

NOW the hard part. How do I explain this to my DD? We are going over in exactly 4 weeks and she can't wait for her to be in the States because she'll be closer to her dad (who is a hero in her eyes and he can't do anything wrong, because he is a special forces and takes care of the bad guys) and he promised to watch out for her and be their for her. Another lie and of course, now.... impossible.

When I talked to him last night, he showed no remorse. He had a pity me party and basically blames the MILITARY that his life and his career are worthless. NOT that he once remembers that he WANTED this job, he has gone back time and time again for this job and he doesn't want to do anything else but this job. Now, suddenly, it's the military's fault that they forced a gun in his hand.

So what am I going to do now with alex? She will be devasted. What is the best way for me to explain this and let her know her Dad won't be around and most likely he will take off as soon as he can without even saying good-bye? She's only 11.

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 4:40am
Last night Alex came to me and said she wanted to talk. So we sat down and had a girlie chat. She told me, that she has loads of emotions going on. She feels: sad, angry, disappointed, disgusted, but most of all she says, she feels soooo embarrassed. She went on to explain that she has always been proud to tell people that her dad fought off drug warlords in the jungles of columbia, thailand, philippines and fought in Iraq and was doing something better for America and protecting our country. Now she says, she finds out the same people he was fighting to stop drug trafficing, he supports by using. She is embarrassed that her father had no morals and that she can no longer explain that he is not always in her life, but he in return is doing something good for his country and that is respectable and important and that she supports him. But now, she feels, he so selfish and non-caring that he only thinks of his few hours of fun and not the outcome and the effect it has on her and his parents. We had a good talk about it and I told her it embarrassed me just as much, because I have also always been proud of him and that I am just very disappointed and the same emotions that are running through her, are running through me. We talked about how important is that we talk about this, that she can come to me at anytime and that we stick together and look forward to our new future. I also told her, that I didn't want to keep anything from her, because it would of made me feel like I was lieing to her and that I never want to lie to her about anything, even if the truth sometimes hurts. I told her it's ok to cry, vent, or be scared for her dad. That she shouldn't love him any less, but that she doesn't have to "like" him right now and that those feelings are ok to have and her right to feel that way. She gave me a big hug and said " Thanks mom, I really love you very much."
That commment and the fact that she came and wanted to talk, made me feel, like I did the right thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:04am

Wow - you have such a special relationship with her. That is great the way you handled your talk - and yes - it is wonderful she would come to you for that.

How much longer until you move here?

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:11am
26 more days and going CRAZY!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:21am

Wow - that is going to go by way too fast!! Are you packed/ready?

Moving is so so hard!!

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:32am

Yeah, the movers came on Tuesday and took everything. 53 boxes and it cost me 2,600 dollars per boat freight. YIKES.

I have spent over 12 thousand in the last 3 months! I don't even know where I have all that money coming from to pay what I've paid. I have about 4-5 thousand saved for two months of living. I hope I get a good paying job quickly. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 5:47am

That is not that many boxes for you and two kids!! I am sure you narrowed it down to the quick.

I think you will find something quick - it might not be the perfect job to start - but the economy is doing much better now, especially the real estate market type stuff - I think the low interest rate did that.

Keep us posted!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 9:37am
My mom and I did this too. We might sometimes go a while without talking about it, but I knew I could bring it up whenever I wanted and there were more nights that I can count where we stayed up way past bedtime just talking about my feelings and my dad. It started at age 11 and lasted until I moved out, and sometimes even still we will talk about it. It was probably the most healthy and helpful thing about my entire childhood.

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