This is such a delicate issue. I don't think there really is one-size-fits-all answer.
I steered clear from guys who said things like "I know what I'm getting into" or "I'll learn to deal with it" because to me that denotes negativity. Like my child is an obstacle or somekind of burden they have to work around.
For me a guy is into my kids when he tunes in to what's important to them. They pick up on details, like favorite colors, or favorite things (Spongebob, baseball, swimming, Elmo) and they incorporate it.
For ex: My daughter is WAY into Elmo and has been from basically birth. She's 9 now, but she will never be too old for Elmo. When we were dating, even before D met my dd, he would ask questions and noticed things, like all the Elmo stuff. Once and a while he'd point something out in a store window or in a magazine and say "I bet your DD would LOVE that."
But be careful if a guy is OVERLY interested in your kid(s), that alone raised flags for me. Call me overprotective, but I would just find that plain weird. Like there's more to it...you know? Like I said, it's a very delicate balance.
With D he was never upset (atleast not visibly) when we had to cancel a date due to a cold, or a babysitter issue. He was very understanding and supportive and very collaborative about scheduling things that would work with both our schedules. As things started to get more and more serious, and everyone had met, he would offer to bring dinner and a movie if we were both sick at home, or do something to help us out.
Now he loves and treats DD as if she were his own and she trusts and loves him back like another father-figure. I believe in letting them set the tone for the relationship, and so far it has been working out great! I am very lucky.
I totally agree with you. When the guy I was dating would get upset or disappointed when I had to cancel, that made me feel like my son was a burden. Thanks for the great advice; I liked how you said delicate balance and let them set the relationship; you couldn't have said it better.
I was having one of the first long phone calls with my current SO when DS had a minor crisis... I said to SO hang on a second...
This is such a delicate issue. I don't think there really is one-size-fits-all answer.
I steered clear from guys who said things like "I know what I'm getting into" or "I'll learn to deal with it" because to me that denotes negativity. Like my child is an obstacle or somekind of burden they have to work around.
For me a guy is into my kids when he tunes in to what's important to them. They pick up on details, like favorite colors, or favorite things (Spongebob, baseball, swimming, Elmo) and they incorporate it.
For ex: My daughter is WAY into Elmo and has been from basically birth. She's 9 now, but she will never be too old for Elmo. When we were dating, even before D met my dd, he would ask questions and noticed things, like all the Elmo stuff. Once and a while he'd point something out in a store window or in a magazine and say "I bet your DD would LOVE that."
But be careful if a guy is OVERLY interested in your kid(s), that alone raised flags for me. Call me overprotective, but I would just find that plain weird. Like there's more to it...you know? Like I said, it's a very delicate balance.
With D he was never upset (atleast not visibly) when we had to cancel a date due to a cold, or a babysitter issue. He was very understanding and supportive and very collaborative about scheduling things that would work with both our schedules. As things started to get more and more serious, and everyone had met, he would offer to bring dinner and a movie if we were both sick at home, or do something to help us out.
Now he loves and treats DD as if she were his own and she trusts and loves him back like another father-figure. I believe in letting them set the tone for the relationship, and so far it has been working out great! I am very lucky.