How to date?
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How to date?
| Thu, 08-03-2006 - 6:03pm |
I have been sperated from my husband for almost four years now and our divorce was final Christmas Eve. We have a 6 year old little girl that I have custody of but he has visitations with. The ending of our marriage was something out of a soap opera and I am glad it is over. But I have been on my own raising our daughter whilw he has found the time to have another child (now 18 months), remarry & has another baby on the way. His life moved ahead & I am still alone.
I did find a great man and we were together for almost a year. It was very serious but he got cold feet and broke my heart. That relationship has been over for 2 months now and we still talk several times a week.
My problem is that I am single, alone and no prospects. I am open to dating but have no idea how to meet men. I go for walks, don't sit at home hibernating. Have tried on-line dating etc. But there is nobody out there that peaks my interest. Most people date, and then when it dosn't work out they move onto the next. But I can't do that - I have no idea how to go about meeting people to date.
My daughter is currently with her father for summer vacation and I am lonely and bored to death. I even made the mistake of sleeping with my ex boyfriend this week. This was a mistake because how do I expect to move on when I am still having that kind of contact with him. There is no future in that relationship and yet it seems I am desperate enough to pick up scrapes or something - I don't know. Point is - how to I get out there again? I have honestly tried everything & still have all this time on my hands with nothing to do. So what do I do?
I did find a great man and we were together for almost a year. It was very serious but he got cold feet and broke my heart. That relationship has been over for 2 months now and we still talk several times a week.
My problem is that I am single, alone and no prospects. I am open to dating but have no idea how to meet men. I go for walks, don't sit at home hibernating. Have tried on-line dating etc. But there is nobody out there that peaks my interest. Most people date, and then when it dosn't work out they move onto the next. But I can't do that - I have no idea how to go about meeting people to date.
My daughter is currently with her father for summer vacation and I am lonely and bored to death. I even made the mistake of sleeping with my ex boyfriend this week. This was a mistake because how do I expect to move on when I am still having that kind of contact with him. There is no future in that relationship and yet it seems I am desperate enough to pick up scrapes or something - I don't know. Point is - how to I get out there again? I have honestly tried everything & still have all this time on my hands with nothing to do. So what do I do?

First of all I'm sending you some major hugs! Getting over a relationship is hard, I'm refering to the boyfriend breakup not the exh breakup.
I think you need to ask yourself, are you really ready for a new relationship, you said that this last one was serious and just ended 2 months ago. You need some time to heal from that, and not dive right into another one.
I know it can be lonely. I divorced my Exh almost 3 years ago. I dated within that first year of post break up and I learned that I just was not ready. The second year I focused on myself. I joined a gym, I took a class to learn how to knit, I went back to school, and I had fun with my friends. Man or no Man I wanted to enjoy my life. Last year I did meet a great guy and we are still going strong, because we both have outside interests.
Sorry I got off on a whole different tangent. I guess what I am saying is do not focus on meeting a new man. If you are bored and lonely.....get out of the house.....join a gym, church, book club, etc. whatever your hobbies and interests may be, go out with your girlfriends and realize that life is pretty great single or not; and you never know the man of your dreams just might be at one of these new places. Mine was.
Hope this helps.....Susan
You will only feel better until you've had no contact....zero contact...with your xbf for a minimum of 21 days. It takes 21 days to break an addiction and start thinking a different way. Every time you talk to him, you have to start all over again with the no contact thing.
Life will seem much better when you get that guy out of your head.
It sounds to me like you just need to find more things to do for you to get you being social and out of the house - hobbies, exercise, church - whatever interests you.
Stop contacting your xbf and stop thinking about what your exh has that you don't. Make your life all it can be for you - and then you will run into the right person.
Online dating can be okay - but I feel that you have to have a little luck and a really strong character to weed out the bad ones and handle the rejection process.
I hope this helps!!
When I first divorced I was pretty lost as far as what to do with myself when I didn't have my kids. I would get off work and think "OK, NOW what do I do?" Well, I started spending time with my friends and made a couple of new ones. I got involved at church and was fortunate enough to do some traveling. I started trying new recipes and cooking. (gained 10 lbs and had to ease up on that!). I found a movie buddy and we would go to the movies once a month.
My ex also remarried pretty fast and I got to spend 3 years sitting by myself at games and school functions. (So much fun when they sit there and glare at you!) I did online dating and it would have made for some GREAT Jerry Springer episodes. Went on a cruise and the only single people there were females!! I went out with my friend's neighbor and he got engaged 2 weeks later to a friend's sister. lol!
It is hard at first, but you learn to enjoy life without having a man in it. Now, 4 years later I have finally met somebody decent. However, I still have my own interests and friends. So does he. It isn't easy to meet someone, especially when you are working full time and have kids. The dating pool is pretty shallow. Maybe you will have the opportunity to meet someone at work or through a mutual friend. You can try online dating, but it can be kinda challenging.
Stephanie
First of all don't beat yourself up too much about sleeping with your ex bf.