How do I get OUT of dating someone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
How do I get OUT of dating someone?
4
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 12:33pm

I'll try to make it short. I am part of a singles/activities group where I have met a lot of people, male and female. I met a guy at one event who was very good looking and seemed nice. He emailed me later, and I was a little put off by the misspellings and poor grammar, but I figured it was sloppy/fast emails as he's in grad school. So I see him at another event where he asks for my number so we can go out sometime. My red flags are going off, but I am really new to dating (again) so I thought I'd give him my number, thinking what's the harm in one date?

So he calls, and I'm totally put off now. He and I have very little in common; he seems pompus; he's been divorced 3 times and the most recent marriage was last October (!!!!); he has two children, one of which he's never met, and yet had the gall to complain that his ex wanted more from him. So, when he asked me out I said I had plans, and he said hep was going to keep asking until I went out.

As I'd told him once before - before the phone call - that I'd like to go out with him, how do I get out of it now? Keep one thing in mind: lots of people know each other in this group; women I know have warned me about some of the men, so I can only assume the reverse goes on. I don't want to own this as my problem... I can see him telling someone I'm actually interested in that he asked me out once and XXXX is wrong with me, you know?

Thanks in advance for your help!

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 1:24pm
I know its hard, but Boy oh Boy ... i wouldnt date him either.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:54pm

I'm going to advise you to be honest, with the qualifier that I don't know if I can take my own advice.

Just tell him that you don't think you are compatible, and wouldn't want to waste his time. That makes it sound like you're letting him off the hook, that you don't think YOU'RE right for him, that you're really saving him trouble.

It isn't lying but it doesn't really say much, either, and doesn't leave a lot of room for argument, since he can't PROVE you're compatible.

Meanwhile, I'm going through the same (sort of) thing. I met a guy through my cousin, and we've spent some time getting to know one another over movies at my house. nothing else, barely a kiss, but I realize now I don't really like him. He definitely doesn't have his life together, and we're on such different levels in so many ways. I have ignored his call today, but I know that's the coward's way out, and I need to tell him that we aren't going to work out, and I don't need more time to tell me that. My problem is that I hate confrontation, and would prefer not to be mean, but sometimes I know I come off as cold and/or heartless.

It's almost easier when it's the guy's choice, since then I have no decisions to make.

Well, in any case, let me know how you make out, and I'll do the same!

Moody, hating this part of dating


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:18pm

Stand firm and do not agree to go out with him. You only need to turn him down once. Do not communicate with him. If he calls, don't answer. If he emails, don't respond. It does suck because he might try to make things difficult for you in the single's group. It depends on how much of a jerk he is.

I don't think he could change anyone's opinion of you, but it could be uncomfortable if he's at the same event and he's got an axe to grind. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:35pm

He has more red flags than a communist parade!! Good job by you to see them and know he is not right for you.

His response is rude that he is going to keep asking until you say yes. I think you have to be blunt that you do not want to go out with him and then flat out stop taking any form of communication whatsoever from him.

What a pain for sure.