how do u deal with some of these guys...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
how do u deal with some of these guys...
18
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 9:31pm

Ok, this has happened to me more often that not.....and it seems others are dealing with this too, So I guess I am just looking for some perspective, or advice....

I keep meeting what seem to be great guys, that we hit it off, date for a few weeks or a few months, then when it starts to get serious, to become a relationship, they back off and then decide they have issues, don't want a commitment, yada yada yada...then disappear for a few weeks....then out of no where start calling/ texting/ emailing/ im....etc.... just to see whats up, they miss me, want to talk, whatever. They don't ask me out, but just "miss me"......

Its frustrating, I get along with these men, but they don't want me....but at the same time, they won't let me go and never really go away!

Ugh....why is this????

mileycat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 9:45pm
Because a lot (not all) of men want to have their cake and eat it too. They probably do miss you because right now there's no one else. Then another woman comes along and they 'realize' it's 'hard' to date a single mother. That's not always the case, but it happens a lot. It's not you bb, it's them.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 11:35pm
Because men are hard wired to drive us crazy. Kidding but there seems to be an increasing population of commitmentphobes among men from my experience.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 8:06am

I agree. They want it both ways.

Can you imaging quitting a job, telling your boss you are leaving 'cause you have issues with the company and then going back a few weeks later and telling your boss you really didn't mean it and you'd like your job back? Unless you were really, really awesome at your job, would they take you back? Probably not. Probably wouldn't even entertain talking to you.

When a guy wanted to see me again after not talking to me for weeks, I was kind of excited. But then I thought, "what has HE been DOING for the past three weeks? Pining away for me?", reality check: no...cause I saw he was on OLD (the site I met him on), many times during that period. I did want to see him, cause I felt lonely and sad. In the end, I didn't go back, because I just felt like I would be strung along until he had another "tantrum", and went looking for the next best thing.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 8:59am

This commitment phobic thing seems to have really hit hard in the last ten years. I've never seen it as bad as I do now. I think men always think another better woman might be around the corner, since their are soooo freaking many of us to choose from! And so many women put up with so much crap! They allow men to treat them badly so that they turn around and treat us badly and when we tell them that doesn't fly, they take off. Always the same darn thing!!!
I want to give up on men, but then I don't. In the last week after the whole RF fiasco, I've asked myself several times, if I'm just not better off alone. Then I think that I'm getting up their towards the forties and my dating life will really become bleak (sorry ladies, not meant to offend). It's just that I see these men that are much older but want these young hot women. Makes NO sense to me. Ok we know they are from Mars, but I think some just come from another complete different planet.

Then I have this BFF from high school, who is really average looking that gets these long term men ALL the time. She has been married 4 times and has some serious issues regarding being a good mother! and in long term relationships each time before tying the knot. You would THINK that men would stay away hearing this, but NO, before she's even divorced, she has the next long termer standing in line. These guys are well to do men. I don't understand. I don't get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 12:00pm

Then I think that I'm getting up their towards the forties and my dating life will really become bleak (sorry ladies, not meant to offend). It's just that I see these men that are much older but want these young hot women.


I see your point.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 1:23pm

This is somewhat relevant to your posting.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 2:14pm

When I was exploring and meeting women off eHarmony, it was understood that the women I have met were dong the same thing, i.e. exploring and meeting others.


When I met Cute Widow and was in the first couple of intense weeks of dating, she said that if I was looking for the next best thing then she was going to back off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 2:46pm

Thanks for your insight Mark!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 3:05pm

After my 19 year marriage, I knew I wanted to explore other women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 8:13pm
And building on what missamanda said...and they miss the "benefits" so they start slinking around again (not that you were giving benefits necessarily--just men's ammo in general)....

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