How do you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
How do you...
5
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 4:09pm
I've been seeing my BF for almost 6 months and we have always been on the same wavelength about everything. Currently I am a FT college junior and I have 2 boys, and I also have a job in sales. My BF has never been married (I have), (he's already graduated college and has FT job) which is fine and I feel like that is where he wants to head with our relationship (we are both 30). We are together every night. My question is, how do I find out where he wants our relationship to go without just coming right out and saying it? I think at this point (6 months together) we should know where we are headed or want to be heading...whatcha think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 9:34pm

HI there and welcome to our board!!

This is a really good question - probably one I would have if I was you. And the only answer is in his head - so you do have to get that out by asking him.

You can work it into your every day conversation as you see the opportunity one day - like what do you have planned for your life/job? How do you feel about us?

You could also find this out by talking about your career plans after school - you will be graduating soon enough. This worked for my sister - she was starting to get all of these job offers out of town and her BF didn't like that - so he proposed.

See what he says.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:19am
Thanks for your reply cl-west1745...Anyone else got any ideas too?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 2:16pm

I think at this point it's not so much about "where are WE heading?" but "what do you see for yourself in the future in relation to career, where you want to live, marriage and children?"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 12:08pm

I've always been a go with the flow kind of person, so I never had the "talk" with my bf. We'd been together for a year when I told him I may move out of state (to bring my kids closer to my ex-h) and he flipped. Apparently he had a plan set for us, moving in together and getting married, to which I was oblivious. So we sat down and talked, and now know where we stand with each other in our relationship. So my advice would to just casually bring it up. Say something like "There's no pressure here, but I was thinking of what I'd be doing after I graduated and trying to make plans for the future, and was wondering if you see us together at that point?" Just try not to get into the typical "we need to have a talk" route, men seem to feel incredibly pressured and back away and close up when they feel like that HAVE to make a decision. Try to keep the mood light, and don't act like his answer will be the end of the world for you if it's not what you were looking for. Just keep an open mind, and let him know that you're not asking for marriage, just a sense of where things are heading.

Best of luck to you, and let us know how things go!

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 7:02pm
thanks for response...great! I still have to work up the nerve to even say that!