How do you date with kids in your life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
How do you date with kids in your life?
6
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 12:31pm

Ok, I am 33, been divorced for a year, have two daughters, 4 and 6. Hadn't even thought about dating and then met a guy at work. We have been secretly seeing each other for a month. The secret is slowly coming out at work which is ok with me since we both can maintain to be professional while working. My friends have heard about him but not met him. Family does not know yet because they are very protective of me and I am waiting for the right moment (and wanted to make sure it was more than a fling...).

I am so confused as to what to do about my kids. They have met him a couple times at work and he brought some stuff to the house for a garage sale, other than that he comes over on Fri and Sat nights after they go to bed and leaves before they wake. My parents are still married and so I have not had any experience with a "dating parent". I want to make sure I give my daughters the most stable upbringing as possible and so I am concerned about introducing this guy into our lives. But I also want to live my life and do fun things with him with the kids, etc. I am so confused! He is being patient but questions on what the plan is, and I don't know.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 12:46pm

It usually depends on your custody situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 12:48pm

Welcome to the board!


It is scary when you're back out in the dating world, especially when you have kids and you want to do "the right thing".


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 1:00pm
Thank you for that. That helps. My situation with ex is that he is trying to get his life back together and so we don't really have a set schedule. I did just tell him recently that we needed to come up with a plan so I can have a life. (He does not know yet that I am dating). I will have to make it a MUST for him on certain days so everyone involved has a schedule. He rents a tiny room in a mobile home and tells me he can't keep them overnight. I don't want him staying here at my house overnight. It was hard enough getting him to leave I don't want him to start to feel like it is his place again. He already drops by way too often as it is. Anyway, so I see that I need to really get him to help more and that will allow me to have more free time. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 3:09pm
Just from a motivation POV, I wouldn't tell him you need a schedule because you need a life, I'd encourage him to have a schedule for the sake of the children, that they need to see him regularly and need to know when that will be (both are true, the children need a schedule and you need a life, but he doesn't need to be thinking about you, just about the children).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 3:39pm

I agree with Jennie that you should put the focus on the girls.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 6:55pm

Hi Tricia and welcome to our board. You have a wealth of info here so far from Jennie and Alyson - those two are right on the money.

You sound like a great mom with a good head on her shoulders.

I think that for now you should concentrate on getting your situation with your ex more stable - Jennie is totally right that he has to do this for the girls and this has nothing to do with what you are doing. I am hoping that you have reliable family, friends or a babysitter so you can date.

I think that in the dating area you should focus solely on you and what you want for a dating partner. When you are sure you have someone you like and that he likes you and is committed to you then you can worry about mingling in the kids. You will know in your heart and gut when that time is. Don't rush it.

Keep us posted - we would love to hear your dating details as they progress.

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