How do you feel when.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
How do you feel when.....
13
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 3:50pm

when a guy asks you right off the bat what you do for a living?

For some reason that puts me off to the point that I delete them. I mean, there are a million things to ask besides that question?

And the flip side, is what if I go up to a guy and ask him that question right away? He would probably think I am a gold digger and be turned off. And quite frankly I am more than able to make my own living - I am looking for someone fun who will be a nice person and do some of the same things - am not that worried about money either way. I feel it should be neutral - not too much and not too little.

I just deleted someone today for that reason - he brought it up right away in a chat. I mean, my profile is pretty interesting and different - so there are many things you could use for topic starters.

I felt he had issues over this. Would love to hear your thoughts.

And now my board is pretty much wiped clean.

The swimcoach made a few comments that put me off - I feel he has a negative outlook on life with a lot of things and I don't want that. The golfer has disappeared after his anemic email, which is fine. And the lifeguard is not getting any more fun text messages unless he wants to ask me out. Basically I am doing nothing with all three. And that is fine.

There is a retired navy diver who winked - so I winked back. Will keep you posted if he writes. And another nice guy wrote on POF - and I wrote back - will see what he says.

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 5:02pm
They go into the rubbish! I think it's rude and I would never ask anyone that information either. You are right, their are a 100 other things to ask, but not that. However, on the flip side, if you put you have your own business, as you do ( I don't) I can see, where it may make someone curious to what kind.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 5:15pm

In my experience in cocktail parties that question is the one question everyone asks, what do you do for a living? I think it is especially a guy thing for work is what defines us in America, who we are as a man. Now to ask a Woman that question is a bit different but like I said, that is the standard question people ask each other as a ice breaker.

It was challenging for me to answer that when I was not working. Even now with me being employed at a great job/great company, I answer what I am passionate about (which BTW are communication and relationships). This way it shifts from the dull question-dull answer impersonal exchange to something that has more personal meaning and sharing.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 5:17pm

Well...I have a different position on this one....I think a person's career is often a good indication of persons interests and talents. If you have on your profile that you are self employed I would be very curious to know what you do. Not from a "how much do you make" perspective, but rather more from an entreprenuerial standpoint.
I am sure there are other ways to ask that question but personally, I would not jump to the conclusion that they are only interested in your financial position. Especially if this person is also self employed or has considered that option, then you would have a common interest.
I agree that you have all kinds of interests and talents particularly with your training, but your career/education track are also great insights...

....just my POV....

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 5:29pm

Okay - so maybe I can try to learn to cool my jets. I just think that should not be like the first question off the bat to a stranger or prospective date.

The diver is writing. He has been a commercial diver his whole life and was in the navy for 3 years when he was 18. He loves animals and the outdoors. And we are having a fun banter back and forth.

He winked - I winked. He wrote remarking something fun about my profile and I did the same about his - said I would love to hear his diving stories - which is true. And he said he can give some big ones - and was a lecturer at a museum last night - that is nice. And he gave me his number and my dear old fashioned self gave him my number and asked if his stories have sharks. He said they have big squids - so I can hear about those!! :-)

So he has my number - will see when he calls.

OH - and he didn't ask about my business or anything - LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 7:30pm
I kind of wonder when to ask that question to a guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 7:57pm

I don't mind when guys ask what I "do". Usually once I tell them they don't want to hear many more details once they find out I'm an OR nurse. Of course my hairdresser loves to ask questions about my job and wants all the dirty details of what goes on there. Most of which is too horrible to imagine.

I find a lot of men like talking about their work and many people believe that what they "do" is an extention of themselves. It's nice talking to people that are generall interested in what they do. I mean really, we probably spend quite a bit of our lives at our workplace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 9:22pm

When I was doing OLD, my profile was fairly vague as regarding what I actually do. I think when someone asked me what I do- and they ALWAYS did fairly quickly, it was more of a "do you work, full time or part, are you happy with it, can you support yourself, are you looking for someone to support you" kind of feeling out thing. It didn't bother me, but then, money isn't important to me, or I'd be in the private sector rather than public, and I certainly wouldn't be working for a non-profit!

On the flip side, I usually asked what someone did, and ALWAYS asked if they enjoyed it. I would rather date someone who doesn't make a ton of money and is more than okay with it- I would much rather date someone with a modest income who loves what he does than someone who makes millions and is miserable about his job.

I think we all spend so much time working- it's the thing we spend more time on than anything else for those of us who work full time- it's so important to me to be with someone who isn't negative about the thing he does more than anything else.

That being said, I also don't think a workaholic would work for me, even if he was working so much because he loved his job.

So, in short, I guess it never bothered me because if the guy didn't ask, I did. I don't think it was perceived on either part as intrusive, it was just one more getting to know you type question.

Moody, who wasn't ever bothered by it


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:09pm
I don't mind when a guy askes me what I do. It is a big part of who I am and where I spend a large part of my time. Not to mention since I work every weekend I think they might like to know why. Now I work at Cinnabon in a mall. I neglect to mention that I'm the manager and make decent money. I want to know what a guy does. I was talking to this guy online for a couple of months and just found out today that he is on disability. I want someone who works so it would have been nice to know that a while back. He is gone.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 12:11pm

I don't always equate profession to the amount of money the person makes. When someone says "sales" or "technology" they could be the VP or a telemarketer or with the technology answer, whether s/he is a PhD or someone on the assembly line.

Liz, I'm not saying what one should or should not do insofar as walking up to someone and asking for I don't know exactly how cl-west was approached. Regardless we each have our own sense of propriety, etc.

I agree on looking for the positive. I tend to pass on those people going on about what they don't want.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 1:11pm

I've never been asked because I usually have it right on my profile. I don't think
I would be too bothered though if it's asked in the right context along with other questions about myself , but as a first question, yeah I'd be turned off.

Look on the bright side you're still getting hits. I revamped, re-pictured my profile,
and zilch, nada! Not one nibble and the guys that I found interesting, I've already contacted with no results, the rest have yet to spark my interest.

The T Girl

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