how do you handle being away for ur kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
how do you handle being away for ur kids
3
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 6:20pm

hi i have a ds who is four i've never been away from him for more than two night in a row. his father isn't around so i've always had him. at the end of the summer i'm going on a trip to new york city for three night so it will be four days away from him. he'll be staying with my father. i've always wanted to go to new york and i cant wait but i feel gulity about leaving him for so long i dont know how he will handle it.

how do you handle being away for a little while. what do you tell them

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 7:26pm

Hi Dontknow,

I have a 5yr and haven't been away from her that often. She just started staying over at her dad's on a weekend (only one night). She has not been away from me for a long period of time but I did go away for a weekend once and she was fine. We are the ones who have to be able to handle it. Our children adjust well to things, it is us who have to realize that.

My advice to you is not to dwell on it with your son. Do not constantly remind him that you will be away for a long period. Once in awhile you should just throw in your conversation on how much fun he will have being with your family. Let him know all the things he can do and stay up late and have ice cream at night.

What I did was explain that I am not leaving her, I am just going to be away but wil be right back and call her everynight. I sometimes think that calling all the time will make it worst so I called only before bedtime to say How much I loved her and that I had a surprise for her. And to give her, her goodnight kiss. I tried not to say I missed her because than she started crying and saying she missed me and wanted me to come home. It is hard to adjust to but you'll be fine and so will your son.

Good Luck and enjoy NY you'll love it..I do..

A TRUE NY'R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 10:11pm

I used to get so upset about leaving DS so I totally understand how you feel. Necessity and life just pushed me to do it. And you know what? He was better about it than me!!

Mention it a little - talk about the positive - how much fun he will have, how he will be okay, how it is just for a few wake ups - and all the surprises he will get when you come home.

When I was away, I would usually try to call during the day and he was busy and glad to hear from me. I thought this was better than bed time. I didn't spend too much time drilling him about what he was doing - just to check in - and sometimes I called twice a day - and I did let him call me on my cell phone whenever he needed to check in.

My parents always did a great job with him. And they really enjoyed it.

Good luck - you will really enjoy the time away and he will learn to be a big boy.




Edited 6/8/2005 10:16 pm ET ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 1:42pm

I have been leaving my daughter pretty regularly since she was about 5 years old (She's almost 9 now.) About 8 times a year I have to travel on business for 2 -5 days at a time. At first, I did feel really guilty about it, but I realized that these were good breaks for us. I always make sure they don’t happen around important events, like back to school, end of school, birthday, holidays etc…

When I would go away I would let her know where I was going and when I would be back and who she would be staying with…always, ALWAYS someone she enjoyed like her dad, or her grandma or her aunt- so she looked forward to it. I would give her a list with all of my phone numbers on it, and tell her to call me whenever she wanted. I would call her once or twice depending on the length of my trip. I always bring back something for her and she now has a collection of special things from mommy’s trips.

I’m a strong believer that time away from your children is not necessarily a bad thing. It gives you both an opportunity to really appreciate each other and not take each other for granted. When mom’s missing, dd realizes all the things mom does for her, and how much she misses it. And I realize how much those bedtime stories and tucking in rituals really mean to me. The hugs I get when I get home after being away for 3 –5 days are some of the biggest hugs ever. That keeps me feeling good about my short trips away from her.