How do you know if it is a rebound

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
How do you know if it is a rebound
5
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:14pm

I've been on only a few dates since my former husband and I split. I've been on several dates now with the same person and we talk frequently by phone. He is easy to talk with and we have a great time when we are together. He's never dated someone with kids before and we've talked openly about taking it slowly (neither of us is interested in him meeting the kids unless at some point we think this is very serious and he'd be around for a long time).

He is also supportive of the fact that much of life is still unsettled (due to former husband playing games with $$$). He often says he doesn't want to be a complication in my life - just a bright spot and a good friend. He is great. I'm just afraid that he might be a rebound because he is the first person I've considered seeing beyond a second date and the first person I've really been attracted to. The only reason I think he is a rebound is because he's the first. Am I over thinking this? I don't hurt this terrific guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:39pm
How long has it been since you and your husband split?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:45pm
Officially, only six months. But for the year before that worked during the week in one state while the kids and I lived in another. He would come hom on the weekends but it wasn't much of a marriage (come to fine out he had been seeing someone in the new state almost since he had gotten there).
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:56pm

Just take it slow and not too serious. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.

With a rebound, you will quickly develop similar expectations, good and bad, that you had in your old marriage, ie baggage. You will recognise it. If you are taking it slowly, you will be less likely to take it too far and get into a quagmire with the new fellow.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but then again you don't need to run hard in the wrong direction.




Edited 7/22/2007 10:57 pm ET by ubersilly
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 11:06pm

Thanks. That helps a lot.

Right now, I have no expectations of this relationship. When we spend time together or talk, I'm just enjoying the moment and the company (and the sparks). We are taking it slowly and concentrating on the friendship part - getting to know each other and seeing what we can learn from each other. One step at a time.

Thanks for your feedback. I just love these boards!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 9:23am

Ubersilly, that is a good comment, about the similar expectations.

When I think of my first relationship after my marriage, I think it was a rebound. I was too intense with my feelings and expectations and wanted to avoid all of the problems of the marriage. I think I compared them too much.

Now that I am my own person again, I am much more willing to go slow and see what happens and appreciate the person I am with as his own person. But this is like 6 years after the divorce. Much easier.