How long before he calls?
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| Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:55pm |
Okay... I posted before that I was new to this after 12 years... recently divorced, etc.
I had my first "date" last night. Met a lot of people at a superbowl party. Two guys chatted me up, nothing (yet, it's a professional group, they can look me up online). One guy handed me his number (I didn't ask for it, he was French, my friend says French are aggressive). The last guy and I spent about 45 minutes talking before he asked me to grab dinner after the game, so we did, and it was great, he was sweet. After the check I told him I ws divorced with a kid, and that he was free to be uncomforable with that. He responded by asking for my number. Good night kiss, and says he'll call.
Today the French guy emailed me... no word from second guy (who I really had a good time with). As I'm new to this, how long should I expect before he calls, if he does?
Thanks!
K

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Whoo hooo!
Sounds like you're in a groove!
I don't know, guys I know wait a couple days so they don't look desperate then they call or they call right away. If they are interested, they'll probably call within 4 days is my guess...
Congrats onmaking a splash at the Superbowl party. The dating game can be pretty harsh, but you will find supportive single women here and in your community, too.
I have learned a lot from books here are a few that I liked:
What Men want.
Mars and venus on a Date (and the classic Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus)
A fine Romance.
There is a very popular book called The Rules, which is often perceived as juvenile, old fashioned and manilulative. I generally agree, but it is kind of funny if you takeit with a grain of salt and ignore about half of it.
I think the best advice I have ever been given was to take care of ME first. then I can be a great mom, a good family member, employee and a fun date, too.
Sounds like you are off to a great start, Enjoy!
Hi and wow! Sounds like you were a great hit at that party!
My ex-husband is French, as are a lot of my friends. It doesn't surprise me that he gave you his number without your asking for it - in my experience, the French are quite sure of themselves and will go after something or somebody they are interested in. This, of course, is a giant generalisation. But it works for me ;o)
As for the second guy, I agree with Ubersilly - most men won't want to seem clingy and will probably wait a couple of days at least. He could also be the type who wants to wait until the end of the week before calling you, to see what you are doing at the weekend. He may think it loser-ish to ask you too far in advance.
One thing that bothered me was how you said he could feel free to be uncomfortable with the fact that you are a divorced mom. You're putting ideas into his head there, and putting yourself down at the same time... If he IS uncomfortable with it, that's his problem and not yours, and you need to sell yourself better. Cool that you told him straight off, but if he sees you are slightly uncomfortable with this information, it could well encourage him to be so too. The info is enough - what he feels about it is his prerogative.
Hope the phonecall comes soon! It's a real challenge getting back into dating after such a long time. So good luck!
Clem xx
Edited 2/6/2007 3:14 am ET by missclemmy
I've read quite a few articles on this subject, too. Trying to figure men out, i guess. So, I've read it can take between 4 - 10 days for a guy to call. Longer than that and he isn't interested. Usually, Thursday but not on Monday or Tuesday. And I've also read that you won't get a call on Saturday or Sunday either... it's a weekend thing...
And I read that men don't call just to chat... they call to see what you are doing as far as going out. I can't remember where I found all those articles... Askmen.com maybe... but I think I just googled it.
I bet there are no hard and fast rules. And the best way to keep your mind off of it is have a full life, like hobbies and other interests so that it takes your mind off of it....
Congrats on the great party.
LB
"After the check I told him I ws divorced with a kid, and that he was free to be uncomforable with that. "
I agree with Clemmy that you need to NOT go into the dating scene with this negative attitude about yourself.
"The last guy and I spent about 45 minutes talking before he asked me to grab dinner after the game, so we did, and it was great, he was sweet. After the check I told him I ws divorced with a kid, and that he was free to be uncomforable with that."
I bring up my child within the first 45 minutes of talking to anyone. I do not mention the divorce part because my divorce doesn't come up in conversations that readily. My son lives with me and makes up a huge part of who I am.
Like other posters, do not put the "divorced with a kid" in a negative way.
If that guy wants to call you, he'll do it before the weekend. He will call to make plans, not talk. Do not get into heavy topics with him like the circumstances of your divorce or the difficulties of being a single mom.
The French guy.....make sure he knows you're a single mom before any dates (if you choose to date him)
Wow - you guys rock! So much good information in just a few posts!
First - gotta say something about the books. I love the book "Why Men Love B*tches." It's not about being a B, but about standing up and putting yourself first... something I really forgot during my marraige.
Second - the men: you're right... I'll breathe. =) I'm also heading out Friday on a five-day girls' ski vacation, so I would honestly be busy if he calls! I emailed the French guy back last night, he emailed me back but I haven't replied... didn't really require a reply.
Third - the divorce/kids issue - that was going to be one of my next questions for you. I guess I'm torn on how to handle it. I have friends who say they don't want to date someone divorced; they can't see it as a failure in the relationship, not in the person. I've seen men disappear when I mention my DD. I guess I feel torn with the "do you hold off on mentioning it for a bit to let them get to know you first" or the "say it early on like it's a fact of life so you don't waste time if he's going to be uncomfortable with it" or option C that I don't know yet. It feels like a strike against me at the moment... maybe I just had bad luck with the first couple guys I met after the divorce walking away as soon as they heard DD. How do you guys handle it?
TIA!
Always mention the fact that you have a kid straight off. Do it in a positive manner as quickly as you can work it into the conversation.
If the guy is right for you he won't bat an eye - but if he is the shallow type or not into that he will leave - and this is for the better - you want to know right away.
As for the divorce - whatever - whenever that comes up you can speak lightly of it in the beginning - I don't see where that matters - I mean if you were still married then you would not be having a date!
The books and advice given here are like gold - I cannot top those. This board has served us all very well and I hope it does the same for you. We welcome you to stick around and participate in our posts. You will have good advice and input for all of us as well.
Welcome!!
OH - and to answer your question - how long before he calls - WHO cares!! If he calls that is great and if he does not that is great. You want a guy who calls often and when he says he does - if it is not this one it will be another further down the road. There is and always will be another good one to come along. You just have to be ready and not tied up with a toad who wastes your time.
Thanks again. You're right... and, when I think about it, I mentiond the daughter to the French guy right off... and he didn't bat an eye.
Thanks again - and I'll keep you posted!
K.
I haven't read ahead, and I'm looking at the number of responses thinking that'll teach me to not check in before bed!
Don't expect him to call. If he does, wonderful, but certainly you aren't expected to sit around waiting for him to call. If he hasn't called by the end of the week, I would say he won't.
Try to not think too much about it, and if you think you might like the french guy- even if it's only that you like him enough to let him buy you lunch, go ahead and meet him. If nothing else, it's good dating practice.
Moody, through waiting for a call
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K, be SO glad some men bolt when they find out you're a mother! You wouldn't want to date them for six months and then have it be an issue. If they pull a disappearing act when they find out, you didn't want to date those guys anyhow.
It's also another reaosn why most of us tell really quickly that we have kids- not only is it a HUGE part of our lives, and who we are, but it also is a wonderful way to weed out those who aren't compatible with us on the most basic levels.
Moody, happy to talk about her kids
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