How long it took to get over?
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| Fri, 09-07-2007 - 11:47pm |
Hello all,
I just feel like I can never ever get over my past completely. I had some one for many mnay years in life. we went through a lot together..
But we had almost zero chemistry perhaps.. and we never had sex.. okay .. still I cant get over hm completely. He was my best friend..
Now I have this guy who loves me very much and I still feel some days I am thinking about my ex.. Is it hormones or what , on some days it is just too bad. I feel may be I am suffering from mild depression too.
Also after I broke up with him, I never got any time to be truly single.. That also could be effecting?
I never been to a counselor before. Do you ladies think counselling can really help? Problem is I know everything, That I am may be wasting time.. I still feel I could "MAY BE " get back with him and have my complete life again.
I am sure many of you had relationships where you shared more that what I had and even had kids. It must have been harder. I want to be able to move on with a clear mind and nor feel so sad about what I lost.. But be more happy and thankful about what I have.
I really need some one to bang me on my head and bring me back to senses..
I a thinking of seeing a cunsellor.. since these thoughts are increasing sometime and my efficiency at work is decreasing.. I just feel like sitting at home and sulking...
Need to hear how all of you got out of past in a good way.
My current guy knows all of this. I know it hurts him.. I really dont want that. I should not be talking to him about this. Probably talking to some one else would be better

Not to sound negative or anything...
But I noticed you pointed out some of the things you liked and missed about your ex. And mentioned maybe one bad thing kind of as a side note in with all that.
What you should try doing (and see if it helps), is to make a list of all the things that were wrong with the relationship with your ex. Remember back to just WHY you broke up in the first place. Or all the little things that added up to the break-up, if that was the case. Focus on the bad stuff that happened- not to be negative, but just so you won't be blinded by wishing for the good things (that obviously wasn't good enough to keep you together). Make a list that will SHOW you just why getting back together with him is a bad idea. I believe that most times, an ex is and EX for a very good reason!
You deserve to have someone who is good to you, and good for you. Not just someone who is just 'good enough' and you find yourself ignoring the blatant bad/mismatched things. I know we all miss the good parts of a past relationship sometimes, but the reality of what ended it- shouldn't be forgotten so much that we end up going back for a bad dose of a bad thing that won't work.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
While I don't see a counselor on a regular basis, I'm convinced that if the counselor is a good match for an individual, there's nothing to be lost and many things to be gained from seeing one. Even if you have no real "problems", talking with someone can never be a bad thing.
As for you getting over your ex... well, I guess that's probably a very individual thing. I know I get over relationships quickly. Not just romantic ones, but also friendships that end. I'm not cold or unfeeling, I just don't dwell as much as some people on the past. My way isn't any more right than anyone else's, it's simply who I am.
If your relationship was so great, it wouldn't have ended. I would advise you to remember this, as only thinking about the good times doesn't help you to recover from a relationship that failed.
I think the thing to remember is that the relationship failed, not you. Whether it was simply a lack of chemistry, or there were tons of little things, or one (or a few) huge ones, that particular relationship was a failure. The next one might not be.
Either way, you're not a failure. You can and will move on, but dwelling on what might have been will get you nowhere.
As for discussing all of this with your current flame, I'd say to hold off on that. I would hate for my SO to tell me he had doubts about ending his former relationship. It would make me feel like at any moment our relationship could end simply because he wanted to go back to the other relationship. That's not a good feeling- how could I ever be comfortable in the relationship and feel like moving forward with it?
Also, while I am guilty of mentally comparing men, I do try not to. While I do compare the ideas, I really try not to compare the specific men. For instance, I want a man who will help shoulder the burden of every day life. This doesn't mean that I sit and nitpick every little detail about what each man in my past has done and judge my current SO by what THEY did. Instead, I look at the things my current SO does for me, and he stands alone.
By the way, if I were to compare, he would rate far above any of the men I have previously dated, and miles ahead of my ex husband, but that's a part of the reason none of those relaitonships worked. I knew after a fairly short amount of time that those relationships weren't working because of the things I wanted, not because of the things someone else had done.
Good luck, we're always here to vent to!
Moody, feeling chatty today
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I think this is the perfect time to
Hello all,
Thanks for the reply. I talked to one on phone. Her language was mentioned Spanish: which I didnt notice. But when I talked I felt she was perhaps not as fluent in English- But she sounded considerate. I saw an article written by her in English. Not sure if I should talk to more and select one or give this a shot.
I now really feel the need to talk to some one. Immediately.
What kind of things did you ask your counsellor on phone?
I think if you feel comfortable with this one,
Hi, Thanks for yur words. I did go to her today. She took a two hr session instead of one ..thats the time I took finishing telling my long storry in between loads of tears.
She was good. She didnt get chance to talk a lot today.. but she didnt stop me after 1 hr (inspite of that being her lunch time..).
She helped me a bit clarify my thoughts and told things seeming helpful..
I think it is definitely helpful talking to a 3rd person..
Thanks for your advice..
Her English was good and she was soft too.
She did tell me that what I have currenly seems a good relationship-- we didnt go in detail ( since I was talking more about past)..
But told me not to rush into anything soon.
Wow!