How long should I wait...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
How long should I wait...
11
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 6:54pm
I am wondering what everyone thinks is an appropriate amount of time to let someone meet the kids, I'm not trying to rush it..I just wanted opinions :D
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 7:19pm

Well, I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have. Is it starting to look serious, or will it always be casual? If you're planning to date several (or even one or two) casually for a while, there's no point in him ever meeting the children. If it's become a mutually exclusive relationship, you could start by discussing it.

I have known people who met each other's children fairly quickly and ended up getting married, and are still happy. Others waiting months and the relationship fizzled out, and that's just the way it works sometimes. You have to judge the relationship, where the two of you think it's going, and how you feel about it and each other.

The first time you introduce the children to your boyfriend, make it something child-friendly, and keep the meeting casual and brief. I think parks are great places, since the kids can be kids, they don't have to have much interaction with the adults, and if things aren't going well, one adult can leave without there being major drama. If the first meeting doesn't go too well, try again in a couple of weeks somewhere else. Keep your expectations low, and be positive about it.

Moody- who hasn't introduced her children to anyone in a looooong time, which obviously makes her an expert ;-)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 8:44pm
Agree with the previous post, but also the ages of your kids play into it. Teens and middle school age kids react differently than very young children. My D2 doesn't act any different with my BF than with any other friends, male or female. My S15 and S18 are aware that this person is different to me so I had to be more careful about how we did that first intro. Very casual group setting for that. You definitely don't want to have a revolving door of men in your children's lives, so wait til it's a serious relationship, not just dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 2:01pm

And I agree with the previous two posts - great job, ladies!!

I think it is a tight rope we walk with that. I think it is good to wait until you are sure of the man's character and intentions and of the relationship itself. I do believe that how the SO treats the kids is important so you have to watch that and the only way is to introduce them to the kids.

But of course we do want to keep our private lives private and the kids feeling secure until we really think there is a reason to introduce.

One thing I have noted - it is never good to introduce prematurely for a matter of convenience - meaning more time together - while it is tempting I think we have to hold back to make sure.

Good luck and keep us posted - you must have someone special on the line to ask this question - and that must be a good thing :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 9:42pm

Well, I think initially I wouldn't wait too long to introduce the kids to the guy- just a friendly greeting, have him "accidentally" meet you somewhere, like you take the kids out to pick a movie or get ice cream


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 9:51pm

lol, still George, :D

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:11pm

Well, I'm glad he's a good dad, that's always a bonus!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:24pm

he said he is willing to pay whatever I ask for because he wants someone he can trust, and he seems to have a hard time trusing ppl, and it would be everyday..but after school, all of his kids are in school, he still doesnt know how many hours, because he hasnt found a job yet, so nothing is in stone, still just in our minds really....lol


If I get sick..I have an ex who can come take the kids and spend some time with them, he doesnt have an ex to do that..so I really have no idea yet..he loved his summer off he says..so im sure he would jump at the chance :D lol


I wont be moving in with him not for quite a while anyways..lol I have only known him for a little over a month, I am going to have my own place and then we can spend however much time we want together..and still have our own places for alone time with our kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 8:43am

He sounds like a nice dad.

I agree with Alison that you should discuss things BEFORE you start - it will go more smoothly that way.

I think it is fair that he pays you at least the going rate for bbsitting - or what you would make if you worked part time. It sounds like you enjoy kids and don't mind that so it will be a good way for you to blend with them.

Remember to take it slow - I am glad to read that you seem to be doing that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 7:11pm

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry started dating his housekeeper? That's the first thing that popped in my head when I read your posts. It seems working for him might be nice at first, but maybe a little sticky later regardless of how things work out between you. If you stay together, how long would he continue to pay you? I would feel a little awkward taking money from my boyfriend. If (knock on wood) you were to stop seeing each other, would you still sit the kids? I would fear being taken advantage of (like, I can't pay you this week, but I'll get you next week type of stuff).
But, I obviously have my own trust issues I am battling through, so I am probably a bit of a "nay" sayer. :)

Sheesh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 8:03pm

thanks so much :D I just read this post..and I dont get much time with him at all because of the kids..but I wouldnt introduce them just to have time together, I met his kids right away, but thats just the way he is, everyone parents differently.

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