How long to wait for single dad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
How long to wait for single dad?
4
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 10:34pm

I met Rob when I first started with this company in Dec 2004. We were both married, but became friends at work. I left my miserable marriage in March 2005, he left his in July 2005. The week after he asked his wife for a divorce, he revealed that he'd had feelings for me almost since day one, and I let him know that I'd felt the same way. We quickly started a "thing" with each other, but after about 3 weeks, he pulled away and we went back to just work friends, with not much real discussion about it. He basically just eventually stated that it was just too hard to do b/c of the rumors at work and his kids asking questions about where he was going when he was with me. I accepted that, feeling that it was too soon for him, and thought that I would just give him time to sort out his life (he has full custody of his 3 kids, ages 8, 6, and 5).

Well, it's now been about 6 months, and once in a while, he'll flirt with me again, or say things that make me think he wants something (for example, we were talking about his kids the other day, and he said, "You can have 3 and get one free!" meaning, if I took them, he'd be an added bonus). I've let him know that I do want to date when he's ready, but that right now, I'm OK with being his friend. But the only response he's had is that he'd like to be friends again, too.

I'm divided on what to think with this one. On one hand, there's so many little things that I think,"If he really did still like me and want to be with me one day, then he'd do or say A, B, or C." And that maybe he's just being nice so it's not uncomfortable at work. But then on the flip side, he doesn't have to say the things he says sometimes, bringing up little things that make me think that he's thinking about an Us.

I've tried to be light about it, b/c one thing that was a contributing factor to him walking away from me in the first place is that I'm a "forever" kind of girl, and that I do relationships, not casual dating or flings, and that scared him. So I don't want to push too much, but he's sending so many mixed signals, that I don't know what to think.

I really have strong feelings for this man, and want to be with him more than anything in the world, but how do I know if he's just still not ready to date yet, and I do have a chance if I'm just patient, or if it's a lost cause, and he's just being nice to make things easier at work?

I'm afraid to talk much about it one way or the other, b/c I don't want to scare him off even more, ya know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 11:30pm

I'm not sure you could scare him off more than he already is, you already aren't dating.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 11:13am
Hello and welcome to our board! First of all, are the divorces final? In my opinion, it takes about a year after your divorce is final to really come to grips with being single. I made the mistake of jumping into a relationship after being divorced only 5 months. I was married 21 years, so I had ALOT to learn! Hopefully some of us that have BTDT will be able to give you some insight.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 9:09pm

I wouldn't wait for him, I'd move on.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 1:56pm

I think that you should forget about him for now. Try to focus on other things and even date other people. In my opinion he has already had his chance and his wishy-washy means he is not ready for what you are. The harmless flirting is a guy thing - there are plenty of guys that do that - but that doesn't mean they want a relationship or are right for you. The fact that you work together makes it more important that you do not get caught up in any more drama from him.

I think that if I was you I would stay busy, look to date others and forget about him. I know it is easier said than done - but there are many factors here that say this is not really right for YOU.

You should wait for the one who really wants you. No wishy washy or drama.

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