How to Make a Genuine Connection

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
How to Make a Genuine Connection
6
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 9:54am

I thought that some of you might really enjoy this article.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 9:59am
Good article. Thanks for sharing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 2:33pm
Maggie:

Thanks, that was a good article. I'm a born talker. I'm a little shy at first, but once I get more comfortable, I could talk for hours. I agree with the part of the article that said some people feel uncomfortable with deep conversations. I think this last guy that I dated was like that. He felt like I was interrogating him at dinner, when I was just asking questions to get to know him better. The article also said that deep conversations were a gift. I know he didn't feel that way, but he probably had something to hide. And, he didn't want a relationship anyway. I suppose if all you want is sex, you don't need to know much about the other person.

I like how the article gave that sample conversation and how to dig deeper. Because of the last two guys that I dated not wanting relationships, I'm beginning to think that I should ask a guy on the first date whether he wants a relationship or just sex (I'm sure there's a more politically correct way to say it -- but that's the general idea). If all he wants is sex -- see you later, bye. Saves everyone time that way, right?

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 8:22pm
I agree with you Donna.

Okay everyone - what is your opinion? What is a tactful way to ask a guy what he wants regarding sex versus a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 9:49am
This is a very tough one. My most recent boyfriend was genuine in the beginning. He came out and told me that he was looking for a relationship and his track record suggested that he was, at least, a serial monagamist. Date one woman for several months to a year. Then, take a break from dating for several months.

He was very open to the whole relationship thing to start off. I don't think he misrepresented himself at all. I think he thought a relationship is what he wanted, then once he found himself in one...he felt smothered.

I would ask questions about a guy's most recent relationships and examine his patterns. I'd tell him from the start that I was looking for a relationship and not a sex only thing. I did make this statement to my most recent boyfriend and that's how we got the subject going. Obviously, we didn't end up getting married, but I still don't feel like I was "used" for sex. It was a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 12:54pm
A simple "what are you looking for?" Was always a good start for me. You have to become really good at reading into what people say. "someone to have fun with, go out on the town with vs. someone to settle down with, start a family, etc."

A lot of times, you'll get the "I don't know, when I find the right person, I'll know. " At which point a good follow up question would be "Are you ready to find the right person? or are you just looking to have fun and date casually?"

I don't think any of these questions would put a guy on the spot or make him feel interrogated. If it does, there's your sign right there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 6:45pm
Bingo - these are good!! Thanks for sharing!!