how much do you share with the kids?
Find a Conversation
how much do you share with the kids?
| Fri, 01-14-2005 - 6:07am |
So how much info is acceptable to share with your kids about dating? You dating specifically. I know the thoughts of "my kids don't date" and I agree . I Have three tennagers, a preteen and a grade schooler. Its the two teen girls asking questions, teasing etc. They are soon to be 14 and 16 1/2. They have not meet my friend yet but know of him and ask alot of questions. Basically the whats he look like, whats does he do type questions. At this point my kids know we are friends and know I like him. They know I speak to him on the phone. Not too long ago my daughter asked why I am not dating him. We both work long days and have kids so that excuse gets along. My oldest is continually offering to babysit, always telling me to go out etc. Now my youngest tells me to tell him goodnight when I call and wants to know why he can't meet this friend like he has my other friends. I will be bringing up the subject of meeting the kids with him soon. In the meatime we are going out soon and I know there will be tons of questions and lots of teasing etc. I dont want to lie to them about where I am going or with who. I geuus I am also afried of my x's reaction to all this. How did any of you handle that issue with the X? Rrrrrrrrrrr! What should be a simple fun loving time in my life is wrought with so much confusion. Any thoughts? And how do you go about introducing so many kids to a new person with out it being overwhelming for both the kids and the new guy? I know my kids and they will be right in his face and very excited about my friend, they are very accepting and fun kids who love adult company and attention. My real concern is my teenage son who has a tendency to be a loner and one of the kids who has always been hard to read, he doesnt say much. So many concerns! When do you bring the new guy around? Should he meet them a couple at a time in nutral territory etc? Sorry so many questions.

Pages
You are SO sweet to your son.
Reminds me of my first date with Ty's bio. He came to the house in a snowstorm. Major one. Came inside to pick me up and when we went outside to his little car...he could NOT back out of the driveway.
My parents did not approve of me dating this guy (but I was 18) and my dad had to go out there up to his knees in snow with Ty's bio dad and they both set to rocking this thing back and forth till it finally shot out of the driveway.
My dad never said a word.
My advice would be to share what you are comfortable with them knowing. If they are hounding and hounding, and you're not wanting to tell them, then don't. They will respect that, since you are the parent.
On the other hand, it's good for them to know a little of your life and who's involved in it other than them. I think it's a great opportunity to talk with them and encourage them to ask questions so that you can gage what kind of feelings or fears they may have. Some kids are afraid that if their parents date that they will be put second, so it's good to be open and allow them the freedom to speak.
And if the kids don't like the guy when they do meet him? You're the adult, and you make the choices, but you also have to put them first. So if it means that you continue to date the guy and not have them around the kids, that's the choice you make. And if they bawlk about it, you have to be straightforward that it will not be tolerated. I know I didn't like my stepdad when my mom first started dating him, still don't, but I saw how happy my mother was being with this man, so I deal with it.
As for the ex, it's not his business to know all the details, but it is fair to tell him if you are going to have the kids meet someone important to you. I told my son's dad when my boyfriend was moving in, because it was going to be a major impact on our son's life, and I wanted to make sure that any concerns he had were dealt with. But my ex knows that I make good decisions where our son is concerned and that any guy I was with was going to be a good positive influence on him.
Have fun!
Alison
It shows that you care about them.
They seem really excited and happy for you.
They are accepting of you dating.
They are very cool kids, naturally they have a very cool mom. (;)
My ds just turned fifteen and even though I have been dating my b/f
for approximately a little over six months they have only met
a couple of times.
My b/f knows my dd and her db/f better but I have reservations about him.
He has never been married and is childless. He actually still lives with his mom.
That is a whole other issue. (;)
He doesn't seem very interested in spending time with either my ds or dd and her db/f
and I have a db whom my b/f knows but we don't spend time with him or any of my friends either.
We do spend time with his mom and his db and sil and his friends.
Obviously this is not working for me.
It became quite apparent at Christmas.
We almost broke up between Christmas and New Year's over his mom.
She does not make a secret of the fact she wishes he did not call or see me.
I am tolerated. She doesn't go out of her way to make me feel welcome or comfortable at their house. (they live same house)
My ds and dd and her db/f have never been extended hospitality. They have never been included in going to my b/f house.
He has never really expressed an interest in my ds who lives with me.
My ds knows him and knows we are dating but I don't ever see this as a long term relationship. I don't want to have my ds form an attachment for my b/f unless he is there for the long haul. My ds has been hurt too much in the past by my ex-husband his dad.
In the beginning I was okay because my kids said he is your b/f but in reality nothing to them. My ds and dd are okay with me dating but they have always come first.
I believe my kids all kids should been respected by the men we date.
And he has to earn theirs.
I have naver expected my kids to like or love anyone I have dated but I do expect them to be respectful towards my dates/bf. So do my dates/bf towards my kids.
Just do what feels right for you.
I am considering breaking up with my b/f because what we have is not enough for me.
I feel like a booty call. And I want and deserve more.
When my kids were younger I wanted a husband and a father for my kids.
That has changed. I don't feel the same way.
But I do want someone who is committed who wants to be part of both my ds and my life.
We are a package deal. My ds comes first. My dd is already out on her own but she is a very big part of my life both her and her db/f. They are my kids.
I don't feel my b/f and I are meant to be.
Things will never change. His mom will never accept my kids ever, she still hasn't accepted me. She never will. My b/f has told friends of ours that she has never treated anyone as badly as me and for no reason.
It is just to hard to continue.
Does your friend have children...I would keep it casual, invite him over if both of you are comfortable.
It is really cool your kids sound like they are awesome kids. They are okay with you dating.
It is hard for kids seeing their parents with other people.
I hope it works out for you.
Have fun...take it a day at a time.
Don't worry about yor ex, it is none of his business IMHO.
My ex was asking my ds if I had a b/f my son knows but said to his dad not to my knowledge.
He went for a visit and was really uncomfortable and disappointed with the inquisition.
It is not the first time but I do intend to speak with him when I calm down lol and get cooled off a bit.(;)
I told ds next time he asks tell him ask my mom.
My ds is sick of this and rightly so. I have been a single mom thirteen yrs.
Probably had a date and or a b/f or two. lol (;)
Just enjoy dating and don't worry. You kids obviously love you very much. It shows.
You obviously love them.
Kids know their parents need and want adult companionship. They don't need or want details.
They just want us to be happy.
GOOD-LUCK
nightangel
Pages