How often do you see your SO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
How often do you see your SO?
9
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:35pm

Okay girls - I thought this was a good topic.

What is the ideal number of nights to spend with an SO?
- in the beginning when you are just dating
- when you are exclusive
- when you are really settled in as a couple?

Thoughts on one or all areas are encouraged! All should reply! If you are not dating someone now you can talk about a good or bad relationship in the past.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 2:05pm

Good thread, can't wait to hear......

In the beginning with M it was once every two weeks, then went to once a week and rapidly progressed to twice a week, etc. Now I see him 4-5 times a week. Either lunch, dinner or some sort of something we are doing together. I'm learning more about him now then I did with my past relationships where I stayed in WAY to long and didn't get to the red flags, as I might in this one. My normality used to be once every two weeks or once a month. Sometimes I was lucky for once the week even in an exclusive relationship.

M and I became exclusive over a month ago after having dated a month, but we just started becoming physical in the relationship, which we wanted to wait until we were dating long enough for it to be the right time.

I definitely know that M and I are not settled yet as a couple. GEESH, not even close. I am learning stuff about him every day that in the back of my head I'm starting to find myself ask, "Why didn't I think about asking before hand?" It's not bad things, but it's just differences of opinion that we have (like politics) and some of the things that we handle differently (like communication skills).

Right now I still feel like I am wearing velvet gloves with everything and sometimes it gets depleting, because things are still so new and it's easy to forget. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 2:54pm
We've been exclusive a year and a half and are together on my non-kid nights. So we get five nights on and then 5 off. We get our kids at the same time and sometimes we'll get together with the kids for a dinner or something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 7:58pm
Wow...
I wish I'd found these message boards when I was completely stressed about my new relationship! We are now pretty settled, though, so I can answer this question with my new experience.
We began with seeing each other once a week. That lasted about a month before it progressed to twice. Up to 4 months, it gradually progressed to average about 3 times a week, but it was difficult with schedules and the kids. We are just over 4 months together and just introduced the kids to each other last week and will be introducing the kids to each other's kids next week.
I have a feeling we will be seeing even more of each other now, but I would not want it to consistently be more than 4 times a week, not for extended visits, anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 8:06am

For me, in the beginning, if I don't see someone at least once a week I don't ever feel like I can really get to know them enough to want to be exclusive.

Once we're exclusive, several times a week is enough- but I don't have to see him. I like very regular contact, so a phone call, email or mid-day text works, too, as long as we're still seeing each other regularly.

Once we're really settled in as a couple, I would want daily contact. My plan is to find someone I want to live with- marry- and that means being together every day. I don't think I can ever know that this is the guy without daily contact.

I also am for living together before marriage- but only if the relationship is headed toward marriage. Now that I have kids, I don't feel the need to rush things, but if there isn't some natural flow, I also don't feel the need to prolong them.

Good thread!

Moody, up to daily contact with funnyguy


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Registered: 01-19-2006
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 8:55am

I think once a week in the beginning is good. Then I think it just gradually increases. My SO and I were pretty much exclusive from the beginning, but I would say by this stage 2-3 times a week is good. We have been together 5 months now and are definitely settled as a couple and we see each other pretty much every day.

I would say it kind of depends on the individuals though. But I think for the most part you would see an increase in the frequency.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/219b09

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 8:55am
I agree that I don't have to see him so often, but I enjoy seeing him so often. I also enjoy and think it's important to have daily contact with someone that you think is "holding on to" material. The only others I had so much contact with was my DD's fathers. I would have contact with them per phone everyday, but to me that doesn't count. Too impersonal. I have to have the visual affect. :) So the better to make sure I am not missing anything important that could potentially become a red flag. Not that I look for it, but I am more aware when they are around me, verses being long distance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:29pm

this is a good topic to post my question on and I'd really love to get some feedback to make sure I'm just not being negative and reactive.

I've been seeing my BF for over a year so it's not like we're still casually dating. We spend days at a time together. During this past stretch of time we had, we both had to work so there wasn't a huge amount of quality time due to that. I'm on a mini vacation from work until Monday and he knows this. He doesn't have to go in to work until this evening. Wouldn't you think that he would have called me and wanted to get together or something? I feel kind of hurt that he didn't think of it.

I know we just saw each other yesterday morning, but still. We both have kids this weekend and I'm going to be too busy with them to see him. It's just really starting to bother me that he doesn't go out of his way and we're together when it's convienient for him. He's only come to my house to pick me up twice in our whole time together and that was because I was without transportation. So I guess I should be happy that he made the effort those times. But still.............he's not stupid and can come up with an idea or two. We do see each other alot, but I am always at his place and living out of a bag 5 days at a time. Ugggg.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:02pm

What would happen if you weren't living out of a bag five days at a time? What I mean is what if you weren't quite so available for him?

Have you discussed this? Does he know it bothers you, or does he think everything's all hunky-dory because you're suffering in silence? If he knows, I'd be making some changes- with or without him.

If he doesn't know, it isn't fair to simply expect him to. Even after a year men are not always quick to grasp things that would seem obvious to us. Ask him if he'd come stay with you, and see how he reacts.

Relationships are about compromise, and it seems as if you're the only one giving any, and he's taking a whole lot.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Moody, not into giving so much


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Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:35pm
We have discussed this before and really I can't think of a better way, it just bugs me that when he has spare time he doesn't make the effort and then he'll think nothing of asking me to play hookie from work to do things with him. I guess I'm just a little bothered that he had time today and chose not to even get in touch with me until he was on his way to work. I was too peeved so I didn't take his call and let it go to voicemail.