How soon is too soon?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
How soon is too soon?
2
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 2:52pm
I'm a 25 year old single mom with a 7 year old. And I've been dating a guy for the past 5 months and everything is going wonderfully so far though he hasn't actually asked me to officially be his girlfriend yet. I think the reason for that is because of my child. Im sure he thinks that once it becomes official he knows that it will mean having to meet my child and for me to become an actual mom in his eyes. I've been in relationships before where my son was introduced into the relationship early and also relationships where my son wasn't introduced until a year into it. And they always end because they always decide they don't want to become a sort of "figure" in my sons life. I guess what I'm confused about is when is really a good time to bring out the whole "I'm a package deal" aspect to a new relationship? My son has a father so I'm not looking for a new one for him. Is it just an age thing? Should I consider dating older men for this reason? I'm just confused all around and Im not even sure I should keep seeing this person or am I just waisting my time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 3:52pm

I think if you're not even officially BF & GF then you definitely don't want to bring your son into the picture.  I also think you need to find out what this guy's goals are--I think most men in their mid-20's really are more into having fun than settling down.  What do you want?  do you want a relationship that leads to marriage?  How would you expect the man to behave toward your son?  I think you need to tell him sooner rather than later that if you do get serious, you do expect him to be around your son, although not act like a father.  But he can't expect to avoid it forever.  Maybe you should look for a man who also has a child because he would be more likely to know & understand what is involved--but make sure it's a man who is actually taking care of his own child sometimes, not someone who just leaves it all to the mom & maybe just visits occasionally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 8:30pm

Well to be honest I feel that everyone who is going to be dating someone with a kid SHOLULD know that you are a packaged deal from the get-go...I myself don't have any kids butwhen I was in my 2nd relationship he had a son who had just turned 5yrs old.At the time I had just assumed that I would be introduced to him well after 6 months or more into the relationship BUT I was wrong...it was about 4 months into it and I was freaking out!!! The point is was that I knew that he was a packaged deal eventhough he only had his son every other weekend..BUT still it was a huge change with me because I had never dated anyone with kids before...

I say that if you like him..just wait and see where this relationship goes and wait for him to bring up meeting your kid because if you 2 are going to get serious he should know that he will have to meet the child sooner or later and IF he never brings up the possibility of meeting that child...then let him go.