how to start dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
how to start dating
2
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 5:28pm
I am almost divorced. I am very lonely. I have twins and I feel very sad and angry. I just need friends and someone who cares about me. I was treated very badly during sickness and depression followed. He doesn't take an ownership for what he did. I don't know where to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 5:51pm

Hugs about everything!!! The one BIG thing I feel I need to tell you right now though... is that as long as you're feeling sad and depressed and angry... it's NOT time to date. It wouldn't be fair to the man you find, or fair to yourself. Hold off on the dating part until you've had time to heal. Time enough so you'll know how you and the twins will be as a unit ON YOUR OWN. And know that you WILL and CAN make it.

Wait until you feel strong and whole again before trying to date. It's never fun being lonely, but please believe me on this one. I also started dating too soon after my divorce, and it's just not the best thing to do. Date when you can offer something good and fun to the other person. Don't date just to fill a hole inside yourself.

(It also goes for the man when you start to date... make sure HE is a whole person, and not just coming out of a relationship too- otherwise you might find yourself 'just a filler' of his empty hole.)

Hugs, and hang in there!!! Really, time is your friend, and get lots of support from your friends (& family) through this. Just don't rush into dating again until you feel like your heart is healed.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 7:45pm

Welcome to our board - I am so glad you found us!

BOY - can we all relate to how you feel or what? Been there and gone through that for sure. Not a boatload of fun by any means. ((((HUGS!!))))

BUT what Shrimps says is totally true. You are in no position to date right now because you will not make your best decision for a partner and you might tend to be too clingy and your whole happiness will depend on someone else. And midlife dating is no cup of tea.

The best advice I can give you is to give yourself time to heal and realize that no one else on this planet can make you happy except yourself. And you can do a lot now to be happier - making time for you to do something you like, go out with friends, redecorate your home to the way you like it, organize your warddrobe, get a new haircut, workout and get in shape, join a church if you like - stuff like that.

Find a way to enjoy being single. and alone because that will make you very strong and happy by yourself. Because there are a lot of perks to that. You don't have to deal with inlaws you don't like, someone else's likes and dislikes, someone else being mean or moody, someone else's opinion and tastes and money habits. You are in charge of your life!!

You will heal in time - especially once you are DONE with the divorce. I think the best recipe is people, activities and time.

I hope you stick around and participate in our threads here. We always love a new opinion and you will learn a lot and teach us a lot too! :-)

I hope this helps and that the others chime in as well.




Edited 12/10/2006 7:50 pm ET by cl-west1745