Exactly! Me too. I think it would be great if he paid for her to go to school or for therapy, but to pay directly and not give her the cash. He is so trusting. It really hurts him when he finds out things like she has spent grocery money on drugs or something like that.
I'll make an attempt to get to know her. I think she needs a woman figure in her life who can be supportive and empathetic but won't enable. I can try this. I know that she really likes me- has told BE she loves that he found me. Maybe this is the time, this weekend, to talk with her. I can try!
Wow- did not know I would have come to that conclusion, but I see it is a good one. THANK YOU for pointing out the other side I was to hot and angry see this morning :o)
Great that you feel better. If you try and keep her away from your life, it may not be a battle that you can win. I am sure you have no intensions of doing that. But if you judge her in front of BE ( and besides you dont know her that well, as in you havent seen her growing up - which he has) he may be turned off and may feel distant
As I understand (not having been directly affected by this), that being in relationship with someone who is either an addict-alcoholic and/or someone who has a family member affected by drugs or alcohol is that you cannot be the counselor-cop-mother of the person.
Thanks, everyone for outstanding advice :o) again!
What I am taking away is that I will give them space for him to be the dad he needs to be. I will support him, as Dance said perfectly, in ways that he supports her in positive ways.
So, I'm hoping (like you) to be a positive, stable person in her life who loves her because she is who she is, doesn't expect or want anything from her, and just provide that 'something' that is missing.
Pages
I think WHERE his money goes is important.
Exactly! Me too. I think it would be great if he paid for her to go to school or for therapy, but to pay directly and not give her the cash. He is so trusting. It really hurts him when he finds out things like she has spent grocery money on drugs or something like that.
I'll make an attempt to get to know her. I think she needs a woman figure in her life who can be supportive and empathetic but won't enable. I can try this. I know that she really likes me- has told BE she loves that he found me. Maybe this is the time, this weekend, to talk with her. I can try!
Wow- did not know I would have come to that conclusion, but I see it is a good one. THANK YOU for pointing out the other side I was to hot and angry see this morning :o)
BTW---how are you feeling???? Better I hope?
Edited 3/20/2008 12:50 pm ET by pacific_sun
Great that you feel better. If you try and keep her away from your life, it may not be a battle that you can win. I am sure you have no intensions of doing that. But if you judge her in front of BE ( and besides you dont know her that well, as in you havent seen her growing up - which he has) he may be turned off and may feel distant
As I understand (not having been directly affected by this), that being in relationship with someone who is either an addict-alcoholic and/or someone who has a family member affected by drugs or alcohol is that you cannot be the counselor-cop-mother of the person.
Hi Sweetie - I know I'm jumping in a little late, but after reading the replies, I think you've come up with a good plan.
Thanks, everyone for outstanding advice :o) again!
What I am taking away is that I will give them space for him to be the dad he needs to be. I will support him, as Dance said perfectly, in ways that he supports her in positive ways.
and I would think that he could use your love and friendship this weekend.
I do not think I would have gone the "grown up" direction otherwise and would be still poouting in my own selfishness.
Hey, I can understand that.
So, I'm hoping (like you) to be a positive, stable person in her life who loves her because she is who she is, doesn't expect or want anything from her, and just provide that 'something' that is missing.
You are so sweet.
Pages