Hump Day "date"
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| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 1:33am |
OK not quite a "date" and it's past Hump Day but thought I'd share....
Wow… talk about baggage! And I don’t care! LOL. I had a “date” with this 45(?) yr old woman (I just turned 54) whom I met at a mutual friend’s birthday party. From talking with her at the party it was obvious she was not relationship material because she is still grieving the loss of her newborn daughter along with the divorce of her new husband 9 months ago because she could not get over her grief.
Regardless I wanted to do something with women that I like hanging with because until I meet “the One” I want to get out. So we finally arranged a time/place/event to get together (I explicitly told her that this is NOT a date which she acknowledged by telling me that she is not ready to date anyone).
We went to a free city park bluegrass concert where I brought picnic food, chairs, blanket, and my dog and she brought drinks and dessert. At the end I really felt she can be the One. She joined the Peace Corps at 40 but had to go back to take care of her 20 some year old son who had to be hospitalized for a schizophrenic break. He is now 25 and living with her. She is still struggling with her grief and her job as a fundraiser for a non-profit. She is training for a 10Km on top of that.
What I love about her (besides the fact she is very beautiful – she models for a local department store) is that she is a Big Sister, been a Peace Corps volunteer, a non-profit worker, low-key, kind, likes my dog (who doesn't? LOL) and easy to talk with.
Ah well. It’s all good for regardless I have made a nice emotional connection with her and that’s good enough for now. We parted with a hug.
I hope to do something else with her.
Mark

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Wow, Mark, she sounds like a dynamo.
The situation enables you two to become friends first, which has a lot of advantages. Maybe it will grow. Being cherished and respected is a big turn on for most healthy women and you seem to have those feelings for her, it won't go unnoticed...
Take it slow. She may need some kind of grief counselling. It would be horrible to go through what she has, and there's no shame in needing a little help in that way. Having a divorce because of it is kind of odd. Either her ex is insensitive or there'se more to her side of the story.
All the best. Enjoy a friendship with an interesting bright beautiful woman!
Ubers
Wow! That sounds awesome! Ok, so you are obviously FULLY aware of her problems. Now you just have to be extremely patient, try not to FIX anything and give her LOADS of space. Don't ask her out too soon or she might feel like you are coming on to quickly and strongly. However, remain in contact with her, but balance it out.
What about that coffee with the internet lady? That was the one I was talking about. What happened with that one?
PS: You have to take part of the Date challenge too that I set up on the board. :)
Mark, I'm glad you like her and felt a connection. I think giving her some time and space to get past her pain and then try "not" dating her again may be a good tactic. You crack me up.
I have to say, that you seem like a very nice, intelligent man with a lot to offer. I'm sure some great woman will see that and snatch you up in no time.
Sounds like you had a really good time.
Priscilla
Date challenge?!!!! OMG! for this weekend??? Well tonight and tomorrow I got my children (at least my dear 14 yr old daughter, my 18 yr old son may bail on me). Sunday I'll be biking with my son and later that day a concert with a friend. MAYBE Saturday night... but being the introvert that I am plus I've been feeling that I've been trying too hard, I think I'll be a lurker on this go around... but then again who knows? I may be inspired....
Coming on too quick and too strong... hey that's how I have sabotaged many a budding relationship lately....
Well damn, too late I already emailed her asking if she wants to go out to this particular *group* outing (the MeetIn Portland group). I made sure it was a group thing so it won't be a date. Ah well, I guess I need to calm down LOL.
Mark
Heyyyy I KNOW KNOW ... slowwwww down....
At least I did not try to feel her up or kiss her like I did the last one :-P ...
Funny thing is that I did not feel any chemistry with her despite her very good looks, I just felt comfortable. No sparks or feeling excited inside.
My friend I'm seeing this Sunday is a woman whom I originally met off MySpace is a very hot looking babe but there is no chemistry with her either.
Actually I have worked too hard in having no expectations (maybe that's why I have been self sabotaging my "encounters")?
OK... listening to the wisdom of the collective mavens here Mark
Perhaps she isn't ready to date, but maybe someday she will be.
Either way, there's nothing wrong with two people who enjoy each other's company spending time together.
I hope you've found a new friend, whether she's the one or not.
Moody, applauding your efforts to get out there
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I hope to do something else with her.
Oh yeah?
Men tend to want to fix problems. I have learned NOT to be the rescuer. Actually I more the "other" type where I expect a woman (and any other adult) to take care of themselves. ALL the women I have dated and been attracted to were/are self sufficient. I think that came from being raised by a fiercely self sufficient mother.
I wanted to stay away from Kathleen because of her grief and divorce stuff but that was what made her "safe" as well, i.e. someone that I can just have fun with without getting worked up trying to jump in and create a LDR out of it (something that I have shot myself in the foot with other women before).
She is taking care of herself by running, being in a support group, getting hypnotherapy, volunteering as a Big Sister, and probably other things that she has not told me. I am editing this original post to add, I just found out she volunteers for the Special Olympics on top of all this too! OK.. this woman is certainly has a very high appeal factor. Calm down Mark, calm down! LOL.
Actually what I like about her is that she is willing to share herself easily by letting me know what is going on with her and her life. I see that as trust and vulnerability. That is intimacy for me. I have that with all my friends both male and female.
The "something else" is another concert or whatever else is fun. I posted somewhere else that I don't have any sexual chemistry for/with her. I think she does not have that vibe because of her emotional state. So the other type of "something else" is not something I even thought of.
If I can get a hug out of it then that's an extra bonus for physical touch is extremely important for me. I have learned that touching does not have to be sexual for it to be satisfying and that is what I really crave for, that touching... holding, hugging, cuddling that does not have to lead to sex.
I just enjoy being with an attractive woman who can be open and enjoys the same things that I do. It's part male ego, part desiring companionship and friendship, and yes part hoping that it *may* turn out later down the road into something more.
Mark
Edited 8/11/2007 11:16 pm ET by mhash
OK the weekend is over. I got to see David Sanborn and Tower of Power at the Oregon Zoo tonight with this hot friend of mine, Katy, whom I met off MySpace. We had such a BLAST! What I love about her is that she is SOOO into the music and I can touch her. For me touching and being touched is a BIG DEAL for that is connection and acceptance and love. We can do that without being more that that.
PLUS I got to meet this other woman, Andrea I was going to meet Wed? but could not because of my work. She is this ex-body builder who is moving to Hawaii that I messaged off MySpace. This was our first meeting and it was very nice indeed. I want to meet her again before she moves permanently away in a couple of weeks. I don't see her as partner material but still it's great to connect with someone who "gets" me and appreciates me.
I got this great email from Kathleen who not only was a Peace Corps volunteer at 40 but works at a non-profit and is a Big Sister PLUS she volunteers for Special Olympics, training for a 10 km AND is a model. She is NOT a relationship potential person because she is still grieving for the loss of her newborn child in 2005 as well as her divorce 9 months ago. But it was very nice I am establishing such a nice connection with such an attractive (not only in looks but in all those caring activities).
I also got a callback from this 60 yr old woman that told me that we would be just "friends" which was perfect for me. The thing was that I was not getting ANY call backs from any women that expressed an inclination of wanting to keep in touch. So that was nice.
I talked with a friend of mine who is deeply into this guy and is wanting to hook me up with someone at her workplace. Kewl.
It's all good.
Mark
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