I am the HOUDINI of dating!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
I am the HOUDINI of dating!!
57
Tue, 11-27-2007 - 8:20pm

Apparently I know magic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 4:51pm

OK!! Now we're on to something!!


I gotta say thanks for everyone posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 4:57pm

Okay, so just HOW did this post manage to get so many new people to de-lurk and post?!??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 4:58pm

Mars and Venus on a date is an excellent book.

The thing with OLD is that people tend to have very high expectations - I suppose it is something like filling out an order form for a car - you want leather seats, low mileage, a pretty paint finish, stuff like that. And there are a lot of choices. Most people have a pretty set criteria for what they want. This is where a finely tuned and detailed profile along with a great set of accurate pix can help the right person find you. If a guy is not hot after you it means you just don't click with him - or he has to think about it before he calls. I don't think the wait and see approach is so much for playing hard to get - because I really don't like that - but I think it is wait and see before you make a fool of yourself by coming on too strong. Give him a chance.

And yes, do think if he is a match for you. Do not date down, especially with your core values.

I think it is an excellent idea to do all you can to improve yourself and make yourself a better match.

Because OLD and dating are really all about being a match for the right person. You need to be a good catch and you need to meet a lot of people.

Patience is in order - that is for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 5:02pm

I hate to say it but yes men like to do the persuing. Yes we chase women until THEY catch us.


Guys will back of if they think a woman is too needy and a clingon.


Men like the thrill of the hunt. Sorry it is inbred in the jeans.


Good Luck.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 5:15pm

Ghosting is just another way of people not following up after contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 6:34pm

Great observations and questions on the whole ghosting aspect.


My thought is that one of two things in happening when a the guy ghosts. One would be lack of accountability...it's hard to be direct and honest sometimes. It's so much easier to disappear and walk away than to be accountable to someone who will probably be a bit hurt. No one likes to hurt anyone but the ghosters forget that disappearing without explanation hurts even worse because there IS no explanation. Well maybe they know but it is less painful for THEM the ghosters to walk away than to hurt someone directly. It's a passive yet painful move.


The second reason might be the flip side. I have read (and Mark, all you guys out there maybe you can clarify) that some men, after beginning to feel something real for a woman, get a bit scared of those feelings, of losing themselves, of getting lost in the feeling and therefor vulnerable. So they walk away (often by ghosting) to avoid that potential "danger".

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 7:19pm

My theory is that everyone says that they want intimacy but deep down are afraid of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 7:35pm

No doubt this happens with us women as well! I've been there...falling hard and finding myself shelling up to avoid the "inebitable" heartache. What puts any of us in a really vulnerable position is being honest about being scared..but the pay off is great when the other recieves us without judgement. harder than ghosting, yes...but at least it's living :o)


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2007
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 7:57pm
stop being available to these guys....dont make out the first couple of dates because men dont like that...if they want a quickie, they would go to a bar and find someone...remember, he came to e harmony to find love, not a quickie....again, dont be so available....when you get a number from a male, dont call him like in 5 minutes, try a day or so....love yourself and trust that you will find someone...dont give in to anyone....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 11:04pm
I'm so glad I said something useful! As for where to find the ones in our league...you tell me when you find out ;-)