I Could Have Killed Him I Was SO Mad

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I Could Have Killed Him I Was SO Mad
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Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:38am

Yesterday evening I was watching a movie at around five. My cell phone had been blowing up all day, so when it rang for the umpteenth time, I just let it ring; didn't even look at it. 45 mins. later, I checked my phone and saw that I had a message from my exh. I checked it, only to hear, "um, yeah, just telling you that Leah is in the ER." That was it! I called him, and he told me that she fell off the bed, hit her head, and has to get stitches.

New guy and I sped to the ER, only to find that he wasn't there, he was in the clinic next door. Raced over there to find my dd soaked in blood, comletely filthy (I mean, she had food in her hair, he clothes were so dirty they were gray, and poop all over her back side where he hadn't changed her). I was livid! Somehow I managed to remain in control of my emotions though. Exh told me that the ER turned her away and made him go to the clinic. So, here she is with a two inch long, one inch deep gash over her right eye and down into the eyebrow. So, I called Dave the Doctor. During this time exh is b**ching (sorry, but that's what he was doing) about how I should just leave well enough alone and let the doc on duty take care of it. Well...it had already been almost 2 hours of her just sitting there, crying in pain, and no one doing one single thing. NO! I'm not just going to sit there.

I called Dave and he was there within minutes. By this time I had let the nurse pretty much have it. I told them that I needed to change her, my reply, "sorry but our bathrooms aren't equipped w/ a changing station." So, my reply was, "I really don't give a crap about your bathrooms, I'm changing her, you wouldn't want to sit in your filth, and either I change her right here in the waiting room, or you get me a room to change her in." So, I gotta room.

By this time, exh explained what had happened. Guess what - he wasn't there! He left her with his druggie friend, he wasn't watching her, and she fell off a bed, hit the corner of a window sill, and split her head open. I was even more furious, but never said anything ugly or yelled at him. He then gets up and leaves. He just leaves!

So, Dave takes us back to the ER where we are taken in. They have to strap Leah to a board just to wash the wound out. So there she is, on a back board, strapped down from stem to stern, crying so loud that it sounds like someone is murdering her, and crying "it hurts, my eye, mommy help me, it hurts!" So, I'm trying to be brave and comfort her, but can't manage to keep from crying myself.

Dave takes pix of the wound for me and documents everything. So, now I have to figure out what to do and how to go from here.

She ended up getting 3 stitches underneath the skin and 3 above and then had to have it glued shut. Funny how when I first talked to exh, all he could say was that "it's no big deal, it'll just have to be glued is all." Jackass! There will be a scar too because a big chunk of skin was completely missing, which upset Dave even more so than it upset me. He was just as livid as I was/am!

Then we had to stay a while b/c exh left w/out telling the whole true story, didn't know if Leah had been knocked out in the fall, and we were scared that she may have had a concusion. Great! What else?!

Exh leaves word with new guy to just have me call him in the morning to tell him what went on. I called him alright, but couldn't bring myself to rip into him like I wanted to. I just told that he shouldn't have left. He said, "well...I just can't be around you." The only time I raised my voice was when I said, "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN YOUR CARE, AND YOU LEFT HER WITH SOME IDIOT! IT'S NOT ABOUT ME - IT'S ABOUT HER - AND YOU LEFT AND DIDN'T EVEN CARE!"

His reply? "whatever, can I have her tomorrow?" I just hung up.

This is so completely horrible to me! I'm getting a legal aide lawyer tomorrow and going from there.

I hurt so bad and feel like such a horrible mother. I feel like it's all my fault. I should've been with her. I know accidents happen, but how come these things aren't happening when she's with me? It's b/c he doesn't care and he doesn't watch her and he just leaves her with random, immature, bad people. I don't know what to do and I hurt about it! I could've killed him (not literally - but I sure did wan't to beat the living crap out of him, and I still do)!

Kait

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:39am
And I just want to apologize for some of the words in my post - I really am sorry, but sometimes other words just don't suit the phrase! My apologies if I offended anyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:57am

Oh, poor Kait! And poor Leah! I'm so sorry! Yes, accidents do happen, but I know how you feel. Just remember that this is NOT your fault! You are not a bad mother, and you couldn't have known that he would not be there, and let this happen.

Getting a lawyer is a good idea, but even though Leah was hurt and had to have stitches, at least she wasn't hurt worse this time. It's good that you got pictures, they'll be good for you. You will need everything you have. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

It's so hard to see our children in pain, especially if we feel like we could have prevented it. Remember though, that you COULDN'T have prevented this. You are NOT at fault here.

(((Hugs to you and to Leah))))


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:58am

Oh Kait- I would've been hopping mad, too!! There's NO excuse for ex leaving dd with someone who can't watch her the way a child needs to be supervised. And to leave her filthy??? There's NO excuse for that, either. NONE.

I hope she is doing okay today, and that she didn't get a concussion in the whole ordeal.

HUGS!!!!!

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 9:22am

Kait,

My heart totally goes out to you both. I would have done EXACTLY what you did and I would be demanding supervised custody only. Accidents do happen...and this certainly could have happened to anyone, but at the same time, he could have handled it much differently when it did happen!

I was also disgusted to hear about the whole clinic business!! That's a bunch of crap right there. My medical center sends us surveys every time we have to go for us to fill out and let them know the quality of the care we recieved. I have had one negative experience and I let them know and action was taken immediately. My pediatrician even called my house to apologize that she wasn't there! Granted, we live in a very small town, but nonetheless--no one has the right to treat you that way!! I don't care what the situation--I don't think any of us would fight a mother who was trying to clean up a child! Ugh! I can not believe that nurse.

Hugs to you and your sweet little baby,
and hopefully good things come from this,

--snow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 12:10pm

Oh Kait,


(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))


I'm so sorry you have to go through this time and again.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 4:13pm

Now you have your ammunition - you can wait no more on this matter because the next time it will be worse. Whatever it takes, you have to change the visitation so he has limited visits or supervised visits. It is clear that he is not capable of putting her safety and welfare first. He is a marginal dad - does very little - but unfortunately it is the best he can do.

Document document document. Try Alison's route - but you may also need a good lawyer.

Hopefully you can prove that the person he left her in charge with was totally incompetent - can you get county records that show a history of drug abuse?

The photos should do you good.

You did handle everything perfectly - to demand a diaper change, get the other doctor, take pix, yell at your exh.

Everyone on here has great advice - keep us posted!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:50am

Kait,
Many many hugs sent your way!!!! I totally understand where you are coming from here. I am dealing with my exh on sort of the same level as you are. I've been battling with him for 2 years with visitation, and what is in the best interest for our daughter.

The only advice I could give you is if you are seeking out a lawyer, also talk to him/her about getting a GAL (guardian at Litem) appointed to your daugher. A GAL is someone who is assigned to your daughter for HER best interest. They will interview everyone who is connected to her, and then bring his/her recommendations to the court, and aids the court in deciding what needs to happen. (there's more but that's it in nutshell)

Honestly, I am totally disgusted with your exh behavior.. I would have reamed him a NEW ONE, and give you credit for being so held back.. wow.. He is a TOTAL MEATHEAD who really doesn't deserve to have her alone without supervision...

Many hugs to you Kait.......I send you strength..

Please keep us posted

Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:39am
I can't add much to the advice that has already been given. You have GOT to get supervised visits only. Hang in there!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 6:16pm

Thanks for the support everyone! Leah is doing much better today. She's on antibiotics and goes back to the doctor on Friday to get the stitches removed.

I have to honestly say that seeing her hurt was the worst possible pain that I have ever felt in my entire life! I would have changed places with her in a minute if I could have. I don't ever want to see her hurt and it just killed me to see her in pain and to hear her cries!

It irritates the snot out of me that ex didn't stay. He left her to get hurt and then he couldn't even stay to A) help comfort her and B) to at least see the reprecusions of his stupid, idiotic actions!

I contacted legal aide today to reviewing my requests. They took all of my information, all of the information on the 3 incidients that have occurred while dd was with him (infection, dog bite, head injury) and they said they would get back to me in no more than 2 days.

I also wrote a letter to my lawyer and went and personally delivered it to his office. I am still so furious that I think my blood is boiling. I know that this wasn't my fault, but I just feel like I let dd down. I'm supposed to be able to protect her, and I know that things are bound to happen throughout her life (accidents and what not), but what happened Saturday night was completely uncalled for! I'm so overprotective of her any way - this just puts the icing on the cake. She's been running around the house this evening and I keep saying, "slow down, don't do that, just be still, you'll hurt yourself." If I could put her in a protective bubble, I probably would..lol!

But thanks again everyone...I appreciate so very much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:10pm

I'm glad you're getting the ball rolling on steps to keep your dd safe! And to think, I'm always mad that my ex doesn't give the kids a bath when he has them, or just feeds them nothing but junk food. But at least he doesn't leave them with weirdos or allows them to get hurt. While I might get mad at my ex for being stupid for some things- he hasn't flat-out endangered the kids' safety. So yes, you definitely have a basis for making a case out of this. All the more reason to always document, document, document.....

Keep us updated- and I'm praying for the best for you!

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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