Who knows. I guess we'll see. All this analyzing this week and the constant thoughts that overtake me have become very draining and taking the fun out of meeting someone again. GEESH.
Thanks Rebecca, you said it all perfectly! Way to much conversations, etc etc went on. You are totally on base with it all. No, I didn't want to tell him what to do, but my own comfort zone regarding the situation
I think Rebecca brings up a good point that is a learning lesson for all of us - to be careful not to go too fast emotionally from IMing, calling, emailing. I think it is better to see each other in person and keep it casual - and keep calls to the purpose of hi how are you when do you want to go out. And not do too much until they PROVE themselves over time and we get to know them better.
So, maybe an example here is that it went too fast from all of that. And I can see how rlch thinks we had a drama - because if truth be told we all had so much fun and discussion with this thread and scenario - but it was more of a form of entertainment here for yesterday so more of a huge thread than big drama. And Cat called a good decision before she went further and made it a drama - which is not easy for her given that she likes him. I think you do have to make a go/no go decision in the beginning.
I just think though, Cat, that even if you didn't do all of the IM, calls, emails, whatever, you would still have hit the same roadblock. You are ready, he is not and it is horrible he is dating just after 7 weeks and no you don't want to be the lab animal. It is a timing thing. And I totally agree with you to question this. I just think you should have taken more time away from him to work on a "delivery" of your info that is good for him so you don't burn a bridge.
Perhaps looking back we can all see ourselves in a situation like this. I know that MA threw me over the edge and I broke up with him in an email at Xmas time because he was wanting to get married right now and say I love you and all of this stuff because he just wanted to be married his whole life - and the more we dated the more he got on my nerves and then I discovered his total inability to empathize or communicate with another person. I have no regrets for breaking up with him and my intense emails helped me see his problem and make a good decision for me.
Perhaps it was that way for you, too. Or perhaps you should have just ignored him and kept dating other people and kept him as a friend. NOt sure. It is not easy to not be dramatic and emotional when the heart is involved and you like someone.
I was also thinking, that we women tend to tell men what to do too much. I think we need to teach them by our ability to say no to something we don't like and then say no more and give them the space to learn and react on their own. No you may not IM me, email me and call me excessively because you are a smotherer and I am going to ignore these attempts at TMTFTS. No you may not kiss me because I am not ready and need more time. Or no you may not go out with me at a time that is bad for me or no you may not call at the last minute for a date. And that is it - just no - it is up to them to figure out what to do - they have to learn on their own.
I think the bottom line is you were true to yourself - and that is very good! NO you don't want to waste a lot of time and emotion when he is so fresh into widowhood and he was pushy with the kiss bit.
Great post Rebecca. I was thinking the same after seeing the extent of conevrsation everyone had and how presious is thinking so much about it.. A guy whom she has met once or twice and talked a lot on IM..
I dont deny that I would have done something like what she is doing now if I were in that situation.. But that is just the emotional, overanalysing scorp in me..
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Cat,
I haven't read any of the posts past this one but I think that is great that you are thinking about yourself.
Phew! This thread tired me OUT!
I have 1 million thoughts swimming in my head, & its 5AM, so forgive me if they dont come out coherent.
A few questions ...
ITA from a BTDT perspective!
Angie
I think Rebecca brings up a good point that is a learning lesson for all of us - to be careful not to go too fast emotionally from IMing, calling, emailing. I think it is better to see each other in person and keep it casual - and keep calls to the purpose of hi how are you when do you want to go out. And not do too much until they PROVE themselves over time and we get to know them better.
So, maybe an example here is that it went too fast from all of that. And I can see how rlch thinks we had a drama - because if truth be told we all had so much fun and discussion with this thread and scenario - but it was more of a form of entertainment here for yesterday so more of a huge thread than big drama. And Cat called a good decision before she went further and made it a drama - which is not easy for her given that she likes him. I think you do have to make a go/no go decision in the beginning.
I just think though, Cat, that even if you didn't do all of the IM, calls, emails, whatever, you would still have hit the same roadblock. You are ready, he is not and it is horrible he is dating just after 7 weeks and no you don't want to be the lab animal. It is a timing thing. And I totally agree with you to question this. I just think you should have taken more time away from him to work on a "delivery" of your info that is good for him so you don't burn a bridge.
Perhaps looking back we can all see ourselves in a situation like this. I know that MA threw me over the edge and I broke up with him in an email at Xmas time because he was wanting to get married right now and say I love you and all of this stuff because he just wanted to be married his whole life - and the more we dated the more he got on my nerves and then I discovered his total inability to empathize or communicate with another person. I have no regrets for breaking up with him and my intense emails helped me see his problem and make a good decision for me.
Perhaps it was that way for you, too. Or perhaps you should have just ignored him and kept dating other people and kept him as a friend. NOt sure. It is not easy to not be dramatic and emotional when the heart is involved and you like someone.
I was also thinking, that we women tend to tell men what to do too much. I think we need to teach them by our ability to say no to something we don't like and then say no more and give them the space to learn and react on their own. No you may not IM me, email me and call me excessively because you are a smotherer and I am going to ignore these attempts at TMTFTS. No you may not kiss me because I am not ready and need more time. Or no you may not go out with me at a time that is bad for me or no you may not call at the last minute for a date. And that is it - just no - it is up to them to figure out what to do - they have to learn on their own.
I think the bottom line is you were true to yourself - and that is very good! NO you don't want to waste a lot of time and emotion when he is so fresh into widowhood and he was pushy with the kiss bit.
Great post Rebecca. I was thinking the same after seeing the extent of conevrsation everyone had and how presious is thinking so much about it.. A guy whom she has met once or twice and talked a lot on IM..
I dont deny that I would have done something like what she is doing now if I were in that situation.. But that is just the emotional, overanalysing scorp in me..
It is nice to hear what you had to say.
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