I Did It

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
I Did It
17
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 3:07pm

I jumped into the on-line dating pool. I was playing around on my cousin’s computer not this past weekend, but the weekend before. A friend told me about Eharmony, so I decided to check it out. So far, I have no complaints. It is a lot of work though. The first thing you have to do is fill out a questionnaire. It took me about 30 min. to finish it. Then they send you more questions to answer. Then once you are finished with all of that, they send you “matches” – people they think are compatible with you based on how you answered the questions. This is only the second week that I am in it. I have been getting about 3 or 4 matches a day. What I like about it is that if for any reason you don’t like the match they sent you, you can put it on hold or close it. There are 2 rounds of questions that you ask your match and he asks you. Then you get to pick a list of “must haves” and “can’t stands”. Then the last step is open communication, where you get to send messages to each other.

I was at the open communication stage with 4 guys. I had some trouble loading pictures onto the computer, so I had my brother-in-law help me with it on Friday night. I guess some of those guys didn’t like my picture, because I got a “close” message today from two of them. It bothered me at first, but then I thought if a guy wants to judge me by a two-inch picture, then he’s not the kind of person I want to be with anyway. I’m not a super model, but I’m certainly not ugly – and anyway, I’m a really nice person.

So, as it stands now, there are 3 people I am e-mailing. This one I was interested in even before I saw his picture. He posted his picture today, and what I can tell from it, he’s pretty handsome. I replied to his message today, and I’m hoping he answers back.

Just wanted to give you guys an update. If I get a date out of any of this, I’ll let you know.

Donna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 3:49pm

Donna,

I tried eHarmony a couple of times in the past and didn't get any dates. The two that closed your match might not have had anything to do with your picture. It's easy to close matches on eHarmony. Sometimes I think the guy closes the match because he thinks you will close it. He prefers to do it first.

Oh, I hate to admit it, but I had better luck with Match. That's how I met my Sweetie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 4:17pm

Fivesense:

You're probably right about the picture. Of three guys that closed my match, two of them had no children, and the third one had 3 children ages 25, 22 and 20. I think the fact that I have small children had a lot to do with it. (Although, that's just a guess -- I'll never know for sure). That's fine. Everbody wants different things. That's why I let people know up front that I have children, because if that's not what they want, why waste my time and his. I'm on the opposite side of the fence right now. I want to date men with kids. I am keeping an open mind if they don't have kids, but I would prefer to date someone that has kids. This is only the second week that I have done this, and I have never done any on-line dating before, so I'm not making any judgments or getting my hopes up. I'm just going through the steps and waiting to see what happens. Like I said, I got two e-mails from someone that I thought looked promising. Only time will tell if I actually get a date out of it.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 4:26pm
That's great that you're having luck with the site, I registered over six months ago, and have yet to have one match ! They recommended making my search for a much wider area, but trust me, men won't travel 4 states to see you and I'm not into long distance relationships anyway. I tried the "Match" site, and that was a disaster the men on this site are very mean spirited, I will never go there again. I'm on "Perfect Match" now, but that's going nowhere too, I paid all this money because they profess to have men who are seriously interested,bull! They play games just like all the other sites. I'm amazed when I hear women getting dates from these sites. In the year I have been on and off the sites, I've only had one date, and he turned out to be a total creep. Don't take anything personally on these sites, the modus operandi of mostof these guys is to write, act like there are interested, act like there are sincere, write a couple of times and then disappear. This has happened to me dozens and dozens of times. They write to 20 women at the same time, so they don't care. Men have even admitted to me that men have the upper hand on most sites so they take total advantage. I've given up on online dating, and will just give it a permanent rest once my sub. runs out, it's not a good way to meet men IMHO.
I'll just keep busy living a full life, but I wish you the best of luck, if you can make it work for you, more power to you.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 4:52pm
Have fun and don't get discouraged. Online dating is a lot like buying a scratch off lottery ticket. Mostly, you'll be disappointed. But, it doesn't cost you much and the jackpot shows up unexpectedly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 5:17pm

Taina:

Thank you very much for the advice. I am sooo new to this. I guess I have to develop a thick skin and not let things bother me. I'm like you -- I'm not into long distance relationships either -- and I consider anything over an hour's travel long distance. It's been my experience that they are great in the beginning, but over time, the distance gets to be too much. I've learned a lot of things over the last 8 years of me being divorced. I didn't have trouble meeting men, I just had trouble meeting the kind of men that would want to make a commitment to me and my kids. So, I thought I would try this. I was going to suggest putting "single parents" in your search, and you will come up with services that are "supposed" to be dedicated to matching up single parents. I was looking around on Parent Matcher.Com before I tried E-Harmony, and there were a few people I would have liked to correspond to. But, on the other hand, they may all be the same. I can't really say, because this is my first attempt. I don't blame you for being burnt out on it. Who knows, maybe I'll feel the same way in a couple of months. In my humble opinion, it's hard to find dates when you are a single mom, either on your own or through a service. It's just a roll of the dice. Like I said, I have no expectations; I'll just have to see what happens.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 5:20pm

Fivesense:

Fantastic advice!! Thank you so much. I never thought of it that way. You made my day. I will have fun and if anything comes of it, that will be a jackpot!!!!

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 5:45pm
I couldn't agree with this more!! Very well put!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: momoftwins65
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 5:47pm

Hey Donna,

I think it is great you are doing the online thing. It will give you great experience and some good laughs. As long as you keep it in perspective it shouldn't drive you too crazy. And of course we always love and appreciate all of your posts and updates!! It is fun for us to read, too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: momoftwins65
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:28am
I tried SingleParentMeet.com and that turned out disasterous as well. I don't know if it's because I'm from NY and the guys in the Tri-State area are very superficial, but I did get a lot of response from guys in the Midwest,South and as far away as Hawaii. It was just too bad they were so darn far away, esp. the Hawaii guy, talk about great visits ! I loved the lotto ticket analogy, so true. The bottom line is for the most part most sites are the same, some being meaner than others (Match). If you don't live in the eastern part of the US, you probably will have great success. I received many nice emails from theses guys, distance was the deal breaker. I saw a documentary on singles, and a segement was done on online dating. They had done a survey, and most men questioned admitted they didn't care too much about the profile content, just the picture, if she looked good, they went for it. While women's responses for the most part was the total opposite, they wanted good profile content over looks. Just shows where men are at, scary sometimes. I give up.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
In reply to: momoftwins65
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:31pm

I'm

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