I did it! I finally broke up with him!
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| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 2:55pm |
I posted last week about my non-committal boyfriend and got some really great advice - thank you so much, because you helped me gather the strength to finally break it off.
The finally straw was this weekend. He and I were together for 8 months and he never made an effort to form a relationship with my kids. He put up with them because of me, but never made the effort to see them. Yet, he was all for disciplining him quite sternly if they acted up in his presence. I talked to him about this a few weeks ago and he assured me he would make an effort. So I invited him over for dinner Sunday night. He sat on the couch the entire evening and hardly even interacted with them. He even got irritated with me when he turned on the Ultimate Fighters Championship and I asked him to turn it off because I don't want my kids to see bloody fighting, or any fighting for that matter. And after dinner he didn't help me clean up, didn't thank me for dinner or tell me it was good (he knows I'm trying hard to learn how to cook).
It's so sad because it wasn't always like this. He and my kids used to interact very well together. When I talked to him about it this morning he missed the whole point and accused me of expecting him to be their second dad. I told him I don't expect that. They already have a dad who has a very healthy, active role in their lives.
But I still don't think asking him to try to form a relationship with them is asking too much. I got tired of having a double life. After 8 months, shouldn't I be able to integrate those two lives to see if the dynamic will work? Well, obviously it won't work. My 6 yr old asked me last night if bf was mad at her. She looked so sad when she asked, so that was it. I'm done.
Now, here is my problem. We work together and he holds a superior position (he is not by boss, though, thank God!). My cubicle is about ten feet from his office. Aacck! I've been avoiding him all morning, but I can't do it forever. What do I do? How do I handle this? Has anyone else been in this situation?

Good for you!!!! Stay broken up from that guy. Do not take him back. He's bad news.
That's too bad that you work at the same place. Ignore, ignore, ignore him. Only respond to work-related stuff. He'll get over it soon enough. People don't like drama at work. I'm sure things will smooth over. If things get too weird at work, you could look for another job.
Good for you on breaking up with him! His self centeredness won't change. I agree with fivesense. IGNORE! Speak only if it is work related. Keep your eyes open for other jobs if you think it will be a permanent problem working so close.
There are some good men out there. Just few and far between... You deserve alot better than what he had to offer.
Stephanie
From the sounds of what you write here, you made a sound decision. I applaud you for seeing it the way it is and taking action. It takes strength and courage.
With regards to work, I would take the high road and be civil and pleasant. Do not speak of anything but work. Do not allow him to menace you with regards to the relationship. In time I am sure it will smooth out. That stinks - but at least YOU are the one who broke up with him so it will be easier on you.
I agree you don't need a 2nd dad. But you need someone more child oriented - who can put the needs of growing helpless children ahead of themselves and who can enjoy them and be entertained by them. Wanting to watch a fight like that in front of them, not making an effort after 8 months of dating and NOT HELPING YOU AFTER YOU COOKED DINNER are 3 big strikes. And since he likes sports SO MUCH I am sure he can relate to 3 strikes and you are OUT buddy.
HURRAH for our home team.
(sounds of stomping feet at the desk here)
Your situation is why my Motto is "Never get your Honey where you get your Money"
I too learned this the hard way. If he starts any trouble document, document, document. This way you have a written account that you can possibly use to circumvent a hostile situation.
Jer
Thanks to you all! You had me laughing out loud :o) Love the three strikes and you're out! So true! The rest of the day sucked, he's actually acting mad at ME! I hate it because I have to walk by his office to go anywhere and today I was wearing the pants that make my butt look big and he looked gorgeous, as usual. I hope he'll get fat, so I don't have to worry about tempation or second guessing my decision, but knowing him this will make him work out in the gym even harder just to spite me. Aarrghh! I am so going to hate seeing him every day. I think I may have to take the advice to start looking for work elsewhere. And I have definitely learned my lesson.
Ah well...there's a tub of chocolate ice cream in the freezer and the kids are with their Dad tonight. But instead of wallowing in my misery I'm going to go to the gym. That way I won't be temped to keep checking the phone. And who knows? Maybe I'll meet an equally gorgeous guy in my spinning class. Just kidding. I am taking a break from dating for a while. A very long while.
I think you will do just fine. Look your best each day and smile.
One thing that can help is for you to come to the realization that he didn't mean to hurt you and he is not a bad person (although he was a bad bf for you!!). He just isn't capable of being mature enough to give you what you want and need and deserve. He isn't the one for you. He isn't ready to grow up and be an adult that appreciates other people in his life and can put them ahead of himself and do it because he wants to and gets joy and satisfaction out of that.
The right one is out there - you just have to be yourself and fulfill yourself and then you will be able to meet him.
I know that when you first break up, even though you are the one who initiated, it is hard because you have a huge hole left behind of time, comfort, entertainment, sex and more. Now your job is to fill that hole by getting out there and finding new activities and friends to make your life whole again. People, time, activities - they will fill in the whole and wash away those memories with him.
Good luck and keep us posted - we want to hear how you are doing with all of this!!
Oh Sweetie,
((((((((HUGS))))))))
I know it was a very hard decision to make, but I applaud you for making it!