I did it...so why do I feel so bad?
Find a Conversation
I did it...so why do I feel so bad?
| Sat, 02-09-2008 - 11:06pm |
Okay, well I broke up with E tonight.
| Sat, 02-09-2008 - 11:06pm |
Okay, well I broke up with E tonight.
Pages
ITA. I don't think we can change deep-ingrained ways of thinking/see things and relating to other people. If someone has a short fuse and yells and is abusive - that can't be changed. If someone is lazy or bad with money - that can't be changed. A personality cannot be changed. Ambition cannot be changed. Adaptability cannot be changed. Open-minded thinking (or lack of it) cannot be changed.
But things like the remote control, socks on the floor, improvement in conversation skills, those can be changed, gradually. Those are requests.
I have learned though that behavior like I witnessed this weekend is indicative of stuff that DOES NOT CHANGE. That is too ingrained. Too deep rooted. The showing of true colors variety.
I got broken up with once because I had to cancel a date because I found an old woman wandering with a walker in our neighborhood and had to find out where she came from. I had canceled one other time within the six month relationship because my Dad had called me horribly upset about something and I needed to be with him - his house had been broken into. The guy told me I didnt know how to let the appropriate people step in and take care of things - i.e social services and the police I guess. I was happy he broke up with me that day in some ways because I knew that we were then fundamentally different. A few months ago, when I was headed in our car to a very important performance of mine we saw an older woman with her emergency flashers on trapped in the middle of the road and cars honking at her dodging her - very scary looking situation. I hadnt had a chance to say a word and bf pulled over and looked at me and said "can we see if we can help her? when do you need to be there?" We called AAA and in the end because they werent there in time for us to leave, bf GAVE her his IPHONE on loan so she had a phone and our address so she could return it after the crisis was over. I arrived a bit late for my concert and honestly believe I played even better that night because I had been true to myself and seen yet again why bf and I are so well suited for each other. Not everyone is the same but on fundamental stuff, it is really great to agree I think.
Still we have stuff we are each individually working through and we are well aware of each others stuff.
I think the adaptability thing and open mindedness can improve over time if there are just fear issues from childhood or a past experience blocking them. THEY have to realize it though and know all by themselves how much they would benefit from growth in those areas. I dont think it can come from someone else.
I am trying so hard to get DS to get some of the behavioral stuff in line NOW and am hoping someone will be so grateful in years to come. Seat down darnit!!!
I also think maybe the stuff that cannot be changed might be linked to how someone relates to others. Like the children and old people thing. Many times we see someone's true colors around children or old people. Lets face it - they are challenging!
Maybe the easiest things that you can expect change on are the things that would truly benefit the person directly after the fact. Treating other people correctly like kids or the elderly doesnt give you an immediate kick back really the way changes in money management, partner selection, and openmindedness can. Quicker rewards come from those. Of course we all should know WHY we should treat people correctly and how society would benefit as a whole if we did but it just lies in a different category in my head. That is about ethics and morality I think....
Well if she felt safer breaking up over email then dang, then she absolutely should NOT be in relationship with him.
Pages