I don't even know what to title this LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I don't even know what to title this LOL
10
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 8:08am

Ok.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 8:32am

It is sad. And you are kind to feel sorry for him - but good to next him and move on - glad to hear you can go out and have fun with your friend.

The thing is - this shows everyone that you have to go slow and be aware when you meet someone you don't know. Chemistry and attraction are not enough. And not everyone looking is really available or emotionally capable of a relationship. I have always thought "guilty until proven innocent" and that keeps me in check!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:06am

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:20am

I think I understand that "guilty until proven innocent" train of thought. It's like how Airdude was. You meet him, but you don't REALLY know anything about him. So instead of diving straight into it, you hold back... test the waters. Allow TIME to pass before actually trusting him. Not that you go into it with accusations and having him have to prove them false before you move ahead. Just that you don't move ahead and dive in... until time (and his consistent actions) have proven that he is on the the up-and-up.


I think I'm more cautious that way, too. After meeting MANY men in the before-married past that were NOT on the up-and-up although they were on the prowl (or not saying 'no' to advances when they should've been at home with their wives/girlfriends).


I suspect that if Airdude hadn't come clean when you said your comment about him not having a wife/girlfriend... eventually you would've seen the signs. It would've come out anyway- and it's better that it happened this way, before you even had a chance to get to know him and get involved emotionally. It just sucks though- that all of our excitement for you about him, was wasted on his lie.


Now that he's told you about his situation, just don't let him keep contacting you "as a friend" for a shoulder to vent to/cry on or whatever. That is also how affairs are made. I'm saying this only because you mentioned that

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 10:59am

Yes - that is what I mean. That you make sure they are ready and available and get to know them before jumping in - you assume there could be something wrong before you begin to trust them and you wait and see if they are who you think they are.

In a way, soccermom, I think you did do that with your text message!! How cool is that - that you could say as long as you are not married or have a GF we are cool - and that he would send back an "oops" - that was a stroke of luck - because it would be a bummer if he hid it and then you had to endure going through finding and figuring out the signals!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 11:00am

Shrimpy - I totally agree with you on the power of prayer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 11:28am

As I understand it, the 'guilty until proven innocent' stage happens before you begin building a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 2:15pm

God has continued to bless me with resiliency and determination and most importantly a positive outlook.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 2:46pm

You know, you sound like you're getting stronger and stronger as well as more and more in tune

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 3:08pm

You know, I had to wonder why you would send him a text saying as long as you're not married or with a gf... is that a standard thing for you to say, or did you just have a *feeling* that you went with?


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 4:44pm
Yes yes - that is what I meant to say!! You are so good with words!! :-)