I Don't Understand...
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| Fri, 12-23-2005 - 3:07am |
I'm so confused with everything and so angry!
I get my dd for xmas, but then I have to turn around and give her to my exh for 6 days! She's on her weekly overnight visit with her dad right now. I made sure he was home and going to be there before I allowed her to go with his dad. I even went as far as going by their house to see if his truck was there and going to a local bar to see if he was "out and about." All of his friends were there, his girlfriend, and his sister, but he wasn't which eased my mind a little. I mean, at least he's "watching" her tonight.
But this whole visitation schedule is crazy. I am the primary custodian and I see my dd less than he does. She cried today when I told her she was going to daddy's again. She threw her arms around my neck and kept crying "please mommy, I stay with you," over and over again. It broke my heart - and needless to say I'm aching all over. I feel as if my heart has been ripped apart. The only good thing is that she's coming home tomorrow night.
I'm going to the court house tomorrow to talk to the judge. Hopefully he will listen to me and sign the freakin papers already. I want my exh to see our dd, I want my dd to know who her father is, but this is ridiculous. There is no stablity - she's always being uprooted and it's crazy. My lawyer sent a letter to my exh's lawyer stating that there will be no more "leaving Leah with other's," etc. and that we would be going back to court. My lawyer has the ER's records of dd's visit's but I will have to wait until Wed. to get the other 2 doctor's reports.
I don't know what to do. She's sick or hurt when she comes home, she's not being taken care of, she's crying and begging to stay with me, my lawyer is a butt hole who doesn't care, and the court system doesn't care either. As of now, I'm not sending her for the 6 day visit. I don't care if I'm in contempt of court or not - but I HAVE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR HER!!! I feel as if she thinks I'm just sending her away and that I don't want her, especially with her screaming the entire time "I stay with you" over and over and over again! My hands are tied and I don't know what to do! She is my heart and soul and I love her with every fiber of my being! What do I do???
Kait

Kait,
You have to do what is best for you in court over the long run. And being contempt in court is not one of the things that is going to do that for you.
Keep documenting and working on getting the visitation changed. But whatever you do, do NOT refuse your exh to see her when he is supposed to. That will water down all of the documentation you have so far - when the court or judge thinks you want to deny custody they look at it differently.
I know it is hard right now - but you have to hang on and have faith.
I don't think your lawyer is being an uncaring butthole - he is probably just as fed up with the system as you and knows he can do little to change it - and he does not have to deal with his child going through this on a daily or weekly basis.
I think that this is very hard right now because it is the beginning. Your exh is stupid and he is probably thinking he is "winning" by getting your dd more. But he is soon going to find that he does not have the time or energy or patience or will to take her. And his family is going to feel the same way. And then you will end up with her more and more as time goes on.
Just keep doing all you can legally. It will pay off as it has done. Just stay strong. If DD is that unhappy there she will persist to come home to you. It will not always be this way.
I talked to the judge today and it is my lawyer's fault. Lawyer's send for the decree and since I still owed my atty $232 he would not send for it. The judge told me based on my atty that he has to wait until he sends for it. So, my grandmother helped me pay the fee. I went and gave it to my atty and told him to get everything done. It's ridiculous that all of this is still going on. On top of that, he has lied to me about everything. Remember when my atty said that he would do the whole r/o for free? Well....he's charged me another $1000. What's that? This man goes to church with me, put his arm around me, and told me not to worry about anything. He said that he knew my financial situation and he would do the rest without any charge. He lied. On top of that, the other day when I was on the phone with him, he hit on me. He basically told me that we could "fix all of the payment problem in other ways besides cash." How low is that?? I'm furious!! At least the divorce part is paid for now.
Kait
Kait,
I agree with Judy, do not go against the court order and risk contempt of court- it WILL mess up all the work you have done up to now, and there's a possibility YOU could end up in jail because of it- so please don't risk it.
That stinks - I agree with what Alison says.
But you are close to ironing out most things - just do the best you can to work with all parties and get this done. Be firm with your attorney - tell him no thank you or whatever. And just keep going. Get this done. I don't think it will help you to change horses in the middle of the stream unless you find a very gung-ho lawyer that is so much better and willing to go to bat for you.
It is good you are getting to the bottom of this. You are going to be very experienced and strong from all of this.
What a loser!
I'm just an occasional lurker here but I am an attorney, and you need to report his behavior to your state's bar association. He has violated ethics rules and shouldn't get away with it.
Sheri
Sheri,
Good to see you here.
Sorry, I'm not a litigator nor do we do family law, so I can't answer whether it's a common practice in family law, plus the rules about what you can do regarding unpaid fees vary by state. However I would be a little surprised if that was considered ethical, and the OP should definitely ask the bar association if that is allowed.
Hitting on a client in such an egregious way is a clear violation, though...or at least I can't imagine it wouldn't be in all states.
Sheri
Hi Sheri,
Thanks for stopping by and posting here - good to see you again. HOw are you? Any good news or updates on the dating scene for you?