I don't want to pressure you but....

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
I don't want to pressure you but....
14
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:32am

ok, so last night CG said " I don't want to pressure you, but my friends really want to meet the woman that I'm head over heels with."
I said: "I don't feel pressured to meet your friends, but I don't want you to feel pressured to introduce me to them. So when you are comfortable, then you just let me know and we'll do it."

Friends..... YIKES. Meeting your significant others friends is always a little nerve wracking. Especially, because he has a lot of women friends and I am not into catty women. :) Unlike this group, we all know what they can be like. I am always getting some woman commenting on how I look and that I probably have a alternative reason to being with the guy I'm dating (example: me being a gold digger or looking for a father figure for my children). This time, I think I've figured out the strategy. Down play my looks. LOL. So just a tad of make-up, mascara, lip gloss and that's it. Dressing down a little, because I always dress very nice, but look a little more down to earth. I think going this route, may be the wiser choice. I want them to get to know "me", not judge the book by the cover.
It has nothing to do with me not being me, because I'll still be "me" in character, just not showing the fashion and hot looking chick that CG knows. LOL
Anyone else have to do this or done this? Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:46am

Oh Cat, you are so funny!!!


SEV HAD to introduce me to his best friends (husband & wife) 4 DAYS after we met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:59am

Awwwww! I'm sure you'll be fine- just be yourself and have fun.

Make sure you ask his friends some questions and get them talking about themselves so the focus isn't just on you. This will also show you in a positive light to them- since most people do like to talk about themselves.

The boy

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Registered: 10-24-2006
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:07pm

YES!!!LMAO And its flattering in a really not flattering way to be judged and and sometimes assumed of and looked down on because you have "above average" looks. I had one boyfriend (from yeeears ago) take me to a pub to meet a good bud of his. And the bud asked me "So J****, tell me about yourself, what do you do? I mean, besides gold digging here?" I was so floored hahahaha It still happens. I've had guys ask me "what do you see in me?" or "Why me? When you could have any other guy?"


OMG that makes me sound pompous. But I'm really not. I'm just happy to know someone else has known this feeling and I agree. Downplay but not too much I mean, come on, we all use what we got right? And I'm not meaning for bad, but its not a crime to be proud of yourself and put yourself together nicely when going out. I suggest some great sexy jeans, casual top or t-shirt and touseled hair with minimal makeup.

 

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:36pm

One of the reason people are my friends is that they are not (too) judgmental.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:03pm
I agree, but some women (even men) are just catty, regardless. I know his friends watch out for him, but also tried to set him up with their own friends, which didn't interest him. I don't need to go into the drama. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:04pm

Well first off it's just plain CUTE that he wants you to meet them. HUGE GOOD SIGN! Guys just don't do that unless they falling for you and want to show you off and show their friends who it is that is making them so happy. So THAT is the good part. Plus, you get to meet new people.


The down side is that part that I hate, too. Scared of being judged! I was nervous to meet BE's friends. I was flattered that he wanted me to meet them so badly. But I was scared! I'm 14 years younger- and still to this day I get looks from strangers or new acquaintances that seem to say with their eyes and tone of voice that they wonder why I am with BE- am I a gold digger, etc. But the truth is I adore him, I've never met anyone so genuine and who I find completely sexy. Meeting BE's friends was scary but now we are all very good friends and they love me. Heck...sometimes BE jokes that they love me more than HIM now lol!


You'll do fine. Be yourself. And don't dress down so much that you feel frumpy or unattractive. You ARE a knock out and CG knows it and loves that about you as well as your character. And sorry, but if the friends get the wrong idea about you that's their problem. CG knows better and all that matters is what you guys feel! Be your beautiful, happy, wonderful self and never sell yourself short even to make someone else at ease. You gotta be you!

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:05pm
It's definitely not too sound conceited or snobby. Just a way of past experience from people who are quick to judge. Tho not proud, I have been known to do the same, based on looks. :)
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:10pm

Not planning on being frumpy, just more casual then usual. Don't need to show up in a sexy dress or tight jeans with heels. They'll see me that one day, but it doesn't have to be first hand introduction.

After my X Fiance from almost 2 years ago, he was 9 years older and his mom said to him, why would SHE want to be with you, unless she was a gold digger. Basically putting him down, because he wasn't ultra attractive and I was younger. It made him feel insecure and in the end she won, because he was in Chicago listening to that everyday from her. Needless to say, it ended mainly because of that.

I know CG's friends are his age and older. I'm 8 years younger, so I just don't want the LOOK. :)

We'll see. I might meet them this evening or next week. Again, I told him, I'm ready, I just want to be sure he is too and not falling under the pressure. It's really no one's business, nor do I think anyone needs to meet me yet, because it is really soon, but oh well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:27pm

Jeans and nice top sounds perfect for "meeting the friends". I agree, no heels or dressy stuff needed.


"the look" sucks sometimes. I got that from BEs daughters in the begining. But time has proven me to them..they both realize I LOVE their dad.


Rest assured, Cat. You'll do fine with the friends! They will love you!!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:55pm
Ok, now that you all have been so great with the feedback. I am not sure how many of you picked up on the thread where i mentioned that CG dated a "friend" before he began to date me (he had not seen her in almost a month, but and then decided that I was the right one and she wasn't, so he wrote her a note ending it). He keeps saying she is a friend. Would be out of line, to ask if "she" is one of the one's that wants to meet me? And would it be out of line for me to say, NO. Not because I'm threatened, but because I don't think it's her business, nor do I think the timing is right and I don't want to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, not threatened. I think I have every right to ask and if he says yes, to tell him No, but your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Although not exactly the same thing, I don't feel like being in a "moon" situation.

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