I don't what I'll do if one more
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| Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:20pm |
thing goes wrong... I'd sure hate to break down here, I made it this far without crying a single tear. I'd sure to break down here...nothing up ahead or in the rearview mirror, I'd sure hate to break to break down here.
Well, it's true that when it rains, it pours.
Many of you know that my father has been battling cancer and had a bone marrow transplant in the summer. It didn't work, and now he needs another one. He has a biopsy last week, and has had several appointments that I've gone with him to lately.
My mother is also having a biopsy tomorrow, and they're concerned (by they I mean the doctors) that she may have the same type of cancer my father has. I swear, it's in the water or something (not really, but what are the odds- sucks!) I will be going with her to the hospital, and hopefully she'll be able to come home the same day.
My car has been on the fritz for a few days now... nothing major, but very annoying, and probably expensive to fix, and I simply haven't had time to get it looked at.
Parent-teacher conferences are also tomorrow, which means I have to figure something out to do with the children while I'm talking to the teacher, as our babysitter is completely in the other side of the county and it doesn't make sense to take them there first.
I also have to meet tomorrow with my advisor at my school- which is even scarier than the parent-teacher conference. The school has made several clerical errors with my paperwork, so financial stuff got completely derailed, and hopefully it's back on track, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow.
School itself has been keeping me pretty busy. I study at night after the kids are in bed, which means I'm not getting much sleep. That and the crap with my parents' health has been fairly stressful on its own lately.
Work has also been making me nuts (I think maybe literally), since I'm getting a ton of extra work piled on me, with no extra pay. This means working overtime to get it all done, which means even less time for myself. Not great for employee morale, more work, same pay (especially when I found out the intern makes more than I do) and they passed me over for a promotion I really wanted.
Double D isn't back at work yet, evidently his doctor was being overly optimistic when they said 3 weeks, as he'll be out from work for another month. He has a job where he absolutely can not work in a sling, so he can't come back until he's fully up to par. I ended up simply signing the card that the company passed around with a little note that said something to the effect of "get well, we miss you!" He hasn't contacted me, but since I didn't give him any contact information, I'm not at all surprised. Besides, he's probably busy trying to heal.
Honestly, though, with all the other stuff I have going on right now (kids, school, ailing parents, a full time job) trying to have a social life or even meet new people has fallen so far down my list I can't even find it anymore. I also don't know if it would be fair to try to start a relationship with someone at this point in my life, when everything's so chaotic. Although, conventional wisdom will say that things will always be chaotic, and the right man for me will get that.
The funny thing is, to my friends and aquaintances, it seems like I'm handling everything really well. I'm glad, since I don't want to appear to be the basketcase I feel like I am, but it's also making me wonder if the me they see is the real me, or am I constantly putting on a brave face for the world? I am not purposely doing it, but I swear at this point if I started crying about life, I'd never stop. Besides, crying gives me a headache, and I simply don't have time to deal with that. Fake it til you make it, right?
On a positive note, I did get my skis and boots for this year's new thing- skiing. I also have a trip planned to NYC for early December, which really isn't far away at all. I've never been, and I'm going with my best girlfriends, which will be a lot of fun. Skiing and NYC, I mean.
I have also come to see even more fully what I don't want in a man, as any that have approached me have raised immediate red flags, and I'm so thrilled that I am in tune enough with myself to be comfortable saying, "gee, thanks but no thanks" I'd rather be alone than dealing with anyone's crap. Being selective is a good thing. Not only have I forged an even stronger bond with myself, but also with my closest friends, which is something I cherish.
The only thing I wonder about is whether or not my choosing to spend so much time alone (well, not exactly alone, since I'm pretty much always at home with the kids or at work with people)makes me even less likely to be open to possibilities. I don't second guess my gut, but as we've said here, everyone has baggage, even men. I'm pretty inflexible on certain issues (no more kids, no heavy drinkers, no drugs, certain physical characteristics)and that makes me wonder if anyone can meet my criteria. Obviously, the men who are terrible matches for me won't meet the criteria, but will the ones who could be a great match? Or have I gotten so used to my own company that I am more unwilling to make any sort of concessions for another person in my life?
It isn't that terrible a thought, except that I really don't plan on spending the rest of my life alone, and yet, I'm not really meeting anyone, either. All the stressors notwithstanding, my life is generally pretty happy, and definitely full. I don't need a man. But lately I've been really asking myself if I want one badly enough for all the trouble to be worth it.
Anyhow, sorry this got so long, thanks for letting me vent! I haven't been hiding, just insanely busy lately.
Moody- a little more crazy each day

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I don't blame you for being tired and declining, Shrimps. I agree that the "during the week" time is a challenge.
I was almost caught up on laundry this morning....until DS managed to wet both of his bunk beds and his sleeping bag. So then I had 4 more loads to do. He had thrown his wet towel in his closet and when I went to hang that up I found more clothes behind his bathroom door. And when I was trying to vacuum up the puppy mess - they were going in his closet and hauling shoes out one by one across the house to my room where they tried to have a chew fest. Luckily I caught them and closed up his closet before any damage was done. But I though OMG - I have been working so hard for 45 minutes and the place STILL looks like a bomb went off. IF I would have had a date tonight I would have been in the SAME boat as you. I felt like I scrambled all day to get work projects done and my work outs and carpool.
It is great that you and Hiker can both juggle each other AND your lives. I think that is admirable.
How are you today, Moody? It is Friday. And we are rooting for you.
Hopefully Double D gets better soon!! Any more news on him?
My mother made it through the biopsy with no complications, and came home without any problems. She does have some pain, but that's to be expected, and is actually doing pretty well. Obviously we don't know the results yet, but should find out in about a week or so.
Parent-teacher conferences went very well. Droid is doing so well in his class- the teacher told me she uses him as her helper a lot because he's so far ahead of the other kids. She even mentioned a couple of times where he gently corrected her grammar, and I was a little embarrassed about that, but she thought it was wonderful, so I said as long as he's doing it respectfully, I suppose it's all right. She assured me he was, and said she was thrilled to have him, as he makes her work harder as a teacher to provide him with challanges, and that was a good thing. So, that went well.
My own meeting with my advisor went better than I thought it would. I didn't really know what to expect, but the school had messed up several things with my paperwork, and I was concerned about that. Luckily, by the time I got there, all of the clerical errors had been corrected, and I met with my advisor, signed up for next semester's classes, saw a couple of co-workers, saw a couple of friends I never see since I take on-line course, and got to know the campus a little better.
It was a pretty hectic day, but all in all, everything actually went well.
I ended up going out and having a couple drinks with my girlfriend and her husband, which was fine, except we stayed out too late considering we all had to get up Friday and go to work... but it was worth it, I needed a night out, away from everything. So, yesterday I was super tired, but I made it through, and I don't have major plans for the weekend. I have to go over to my parents' at some point to help them stack some firewood, but other than that, this will be a relaxing weekend for the kids and I.
Moody-
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Sounds like a much better way to end a crazy week. Prayers for your Mom and I hope the results are negative!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
That is great that you got such a good report with the teacher. And that you got your own classes straightened out - that is good that you are taking classes - don't think I read about that before - you will have to fill us in more.
Keep us posted on your mom.
I pray that next week brings better things.
Glad you got out! You needed that for sure!
Ok, do you feel better now?
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