I think it is cool that you gave him a chance to back out if he wanted. That took guts, but you are a mom who loves him AND your son and you don't want anything to get messed up for any of your sakes. Good for you and congratulations on finding a man whom you love so much and who loves you right back! :)
I don't like it that he wants to try out living with you. He said the proposal will come quicker after he sees that you can live together. He will feel less guilty spending time without you if you live together???
You two might love each other. But, I think it's too soon in your relationship to live together. Also, I think your son is too young for this. I was suddenly single when my son was 5 months old. If your child is less than two years old and you unexpectedly become single, you feel an urge to get a replacement dad right away. Get a man in there ASAP and that's the only "dad" the kid will know. I fell into that trap and I thank God I did not move in or marry the first man who said he was going to fill the job.
It's difficult and I know you won't agree with me. My advice will seem harsh and unwanted. I think there's a potential for disaster if you live with this guy. There is no harm in waiting.
It's good that you two had a little heart to heart about moving in together, and his reply is so sweet. You two do make a great couple, and have the basis of a great family. You can feel the love and support he has for you, and adoration :)
I think it's important to really talk together about what your expectations are for when you move in together, as well as how to divide things like chores and finances. Living with ANYONE can be a challenge, so laying down some ground rules is always a good idea. Like how you will handle "down time" if one of you wants to be alone. Feel free to follow the link on my siggie to Living Together if you want to ask any questions of the ladies there.
Talk about how you both will handle things with Hunter if he's having a temper tantrum- how much will you want/ allow Mike to discipline him? It's important that you be the primary disciplinarian, but it's also good if Mike can step in as well. It's also important that you both have the same styles of "parenting" and be there to back each other. It's also important not to disagree on a punishment in front of Hunter, wait until he's out of the room or until later to discuss things- you don't want Hunter playing you against each other.
Alison has some wonderful advice about making sure that you cover a lot of ground topics. This is huge.
I lived with my husband too, and it became a trap. I didn't want to marry him, but I felt obligated, so I did. So if anything like that EVER comes up, please be honest about your feelings.
Fivesense is wise to mention that it is really soon. It is soon. I know you and Mike have known each other for a long time though. My parents also moved in right away--in fact they did EVERYTHING wrong--my dad moved in before my mom was even divorced and we functioned as a family from day one, etc...(we were laughing about that last night actually), but they have had a happy, loving marriage for over 20 years. It can work, as long as you remember to live FOR each other, not just WITH each other. :)
Congratualtions, and I wish you much happiness together!! And i hope that you can continue to share your experiences with the board!
Alison...actually we have talked about splitting financial and household responsibilities....I do think that's VERY important.....the only thing we haven't really talked about is Hunter...but Mike just kinda watches how I am with Hunter and he kinda knows what to do...kwim? He has not spanked him (that's my job...lol) but he has put him on time-out.....we will need to discuss more in-depth about Hunter though....thanks for the well wishes!
Janet -
I think it is cool that you gave him a chance to back out if he wanted. That took guts, but you are a mom who loves him AND your son and you don't want anything to get messed up for any of your sakes. Good for you and congratulations on finding a man whom you love so much and who loves you right back! :)
Samantha
I don't like it that he wants to try out living with you. He said the proposal will come quicker after he sees that you can live together. He will feel less guilty spending time without you if you live together???
You two might love each other. But, I think it's too soon in your relationship to live together. Also, I think your son is too young for this. I was suddenly single when my son was 5 months old. If your child is less than two years old and you unexpectedly become single, you feel an urge to get a replacement dad right away. Get a man in there ASAP and that's the only "dad" the kid will know. I fell into that trap and I thank God I did not move in or marry the first man who said he was going to fill the job.
It's difficult and I know you won't agree with me. My advice will seem harsh and unwanted. I think there's a potential for disaster if you live with this guy. There is no harm in waiting.
Thank you for your opinion, however I feel the need to answer some of the things you have said.
I don't like it that he wants to try out living with you.
Janet,
It's good that you two had a little heart to heart about moving in together, and his reply is so sweet. You two do make a great couple, and have the basis of a great family. You can feel the love and support he has for you, and adoration :)
I think it's important to really talk together about what your expectations are for when you move in together, as well as how to divide things like chores and finances. Living with ANYONE can be a challenge, so laying down some ground rules is always a good idea. Like how you will handle "down time" if one of you wants to be alone. Feel free to follow the link on my siggie to Living Together if you want to ask any questions of the ladies there.
Talk about how you both will handle things with Hunter if he's having a temper tantrum- how much will you want/ allow Mike to discipline him? It's important that you be the primary disciplinarian, but it's also good if Mike can step in as well. It's also important that you both have the same styles of "parenting" and be there to back each other. It's also important not to disagree on a punishment in front of Hunter, wait until he's out of the room or until later to discuss things- you don't want Hunter playing you against each other.
I wish you both the best!
Janet,
Alison has some wonderful advice about making sure that you cover a lot of ground topics. This is huge.
I lived with my husband too, and it became a trap. I didn't want to marry him, but I felt obligated, so I did. So if anything like that EVER comes up, please be honest about your feelings.
Fivesense is wise to mention that it is really soon. It is soon. I know you and Mike have known each other for a long time though. My parents also moved in right away--in fact they did EVERYTHING wrong--my dad moved in before my mom was even divorced and we functioned as a family from day one, etc...(we were laughing about that last night actually), but they have had a happy, loving marriage for over 20 years. It can work, as long as you remember to live FOR each other, not just WITH each other. :)
Congratualtions, and I wish you much happiness together!! And i hope that you can continue to share your experiences with the board!
--snow
--snow
Janet,
I think you and Mike will do well :)