I have a date tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
I have a date tomorrow
21
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 11:30pm

and I am so nervous. It is with the guy my coworker set me up with. We have talked on the phone for a week and a half, and I absolutely like this guy. He is so easy to talk with. However, I am terrified. What if he doesn't like what he sees? I've seen a picture of him and he's a cutie. What do I wear? I mean, we're just meeting for coffee, but I'm clueless on what to wear. I was never this nervous with the first guy I dated after my divorce. Gosh, I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight.

Just had to vent.

Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 10:25pm

Good points to you all! The more and more I talk with him the more freaked out I get. He's a great guy, just not for me I guess. The straw for me was tonight while talking, he said he found a sewing machine for me. He bought the sewing machine for me. Now in a previous conversation I did tell him I wanted one. I refused. Usually getting gifts is a great thing for me, but this just left a creepy feeling. So now how do I break this off? I mean, we've been on one date, talk constantly, so how can I do it in a mature way? I've never been on this side of the token before.

Thanks to you all!!

Shannon

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:04am
How about something immature that doesn't leave him hurting, or you getting hurt? Do you have a X boyfriend that suddenly came out of the blue again? Even make an imaginary one up. Explain he walked back in your life and wants to give it another shot and you would like to do that because it was the love of your life. Tell him how sorry you are, that he's really a nice guy, but you still love your X. It worked for me, when the situation was kind of stalkish. This makes them be careful, if someone else is in the picture, they will be too scared to contact you. Nobody wants to get beaten to a pulp by the boyfriend. If you tell him the truth he could get angry or try even harder to get you and get completely off the rocker like my last stalker did. Either way, it could be dangerous, so just lie and get it over with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:33am

I agree that he went over the line with this one.

I think you should be blunt and polite - I am just not ready for dating right now. Or I have decided to put my dating on hold. It has been nice to meet you and I wish you well. Boom. End of discussion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 9:34am
Even though it's hard, I prefer to be honest. I say I think you are a great guy, but I don't feel the chemistry or I don't think we are a good match for each other.

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 10:57am
From some of my scary experiences, honesty is sometimes not the best policy. We never know how a person ticks and rather be safe then sorry and make him feel she isn'T alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:35am
I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:35pm

I have to say I agree with this post if you are online dating or have any bad vibes, especially for a single mom.

I had 2 or 3 friends whom I was online dating with - and we started out very honest. But most guys can't handle that and some became very belligerant with calls and emails. One of my friends came up with that saying - it is neat, clean, safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:52pm
A sewing machine is too big a gift right now too, I would think. A box of chocolates maybe...but not a sewing machine.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:31pm
Again, I will reiterate, better safe then sorry. I went through some VERY scarey situations and I will definitely take the dishonest route in the future. Especially when a FIRST date reacts this way. WHOA NELLY!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 8:48pm

Yes - and the sewing machine is scary. My friend had a guy like this on a first blind date - he bought her all sorts of stuff. Spooked her - and she gave him the boot, too.

The most horrible blind date I ever had - with this guy I met online - who was okay on the phone but in person really rude to the waitress - and he stared at me. I could not wait for the night to be over and hurried as best I could. He called to make sure I got home okay. And then he sent an email that same night to go out again. The next day I told him I wasn't ready to date yet and was putting my dating on hold but thanks anyway - and even then he sent nasty emails saying I was probably married or something. Plus he would call my cell with his caller id turned off (GEEZ - I wonder WHO that is?!!). And he kept sending me mean messages. I don't want to imagine what he would have done if I would have told him the truth!!

The really funny thing is that a few months later I was out riding my bike with 2 women - both divorced - and one was talking about her online dating experiences. She is a professor of biology at a university here - and has written numerous children's books - some of which I own. Anyway she started describing a recent bad date. I asked her what his profile was - and guess what? IT WAS THE SAME MAN!! We both agreed he was a total loser.

Better safe than sorry. If it was someone who was a friend of a friend or a long time aquaintance then yes, it is best to gently tell the truth.




Edited 3/11/2005 9:00 pm ET ET by west1745