I have this friend....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
I have this friend....
3
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 9:26pm

...I love her dearly. Since she has been married, she has morphed into this strange stepford kind of wife. Tonight I was talking to her about finding a new job, she was telling me about the company she used to work for and how great it is. I said "It does sound great, I think I'll call tomorrow and try to get an interview set up." She said "Well, you should really talk to my husband before you do because when it comes to job interviews, women just don't know what they are doing. You should talk to him and he can tell you about the politics involved in getting a job. Women just don't understand the politics involved." (I should mention I've been friends with her husband since college, and friends with her for many years both before and after they married). I had no idea what to say to that, so I said maybe I would call him tomorrow to get some interview pointers. I'm confused because before they married, she was a successful, professional woman, very strong and independant. It's been only in the last couple of years that she has started changing. What in the world is going on over there? Is he brainwashing her? Is she brainwashing herself? I feel I know her husband well enough to know that's not the kind of thing he would say, but maybe I am way off base. I guess I don't really have a question, I am just baffled. I wonder what she thinks of me? Is she amazed that I can function in society without a man by my side? Or does she feel sorry for me b/c I'm some poor lost woman with no man to guide me?
Anyone else have weird 50's throwback friends? I love her to death, and love to be around her, then she busts out with one of those comments and I am stunned...it's so weird!!

Sheesh

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:20pm
Thank you. I too have friends like that. I'm a single mom with two kids and two jobs and people find out I don't have a husband or a boyfriend and they just give me some look. I've got friends that wonder how I do it. Well it is alot easier than dealing with the guys they are with from what I hear them talk about.LOL. No there is a certian part of her that doesn't trust her skills anymore since she hadn't worked in a while. She means nothing by it and by all means there is something to be proud of to making a marriage work. She probally doesn't even know she is doing it and means nothing by it. Goodluck dear. I have some of the same problems. It is almost like some people think you need a man to be happy when in fact only we can make ourselves happy in this world. Grin and bear it and don't take it personal. You just have different lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 1:17pm
Some women become submissive in their relationships. I don't really see a problem with it, unless the man puts the woman down. If she didn't have her husband, she'd figure out how to take care of herself pretty darn quickly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 4:00pm

Maybe she really admires his way of thinking? The good thing is that you can call him for advice - tell us what you think?

Some women are happy to be this way - and it is okay when the husband is smart and kind. To each his own.

As to your question, I don't think she judges you or even has a clue about the tremendous load you have to support yourself and kids and make it in this world. All that matters is that YOU do!!

And that is why we do have this board - because no one else but us single moms understands what it is like. I am thankful everyday that I log on because I truly enjoy reading all of the posts and relating to what is said. I always learn a lot here.