It's been routine that I call him around 10pm every night, we talk a bit before bed. I do the calling because of DDs sleep schedule, getting to bed etc. I call when she is settled.
I will hold off from calling tonight. Not to play games but because of exactly what you said plus I'm just emotionally wiped out and not in a good space to talk anyway.
((((((((((Pac-Sun)))))))))) omg dear... what tough thoughts to deal with. But I think you are on the right track. Whether it means the continuation of you and BE, or the end of it... I think you know that you HAVE to be able to have peace with yourself. And if you allow or enable the relationship to go on the way it is (with the alcohol and partying friends involved)- then you know it will go against what will bring you peace. And you can't go through life without peace.
I remember breaking up with County Treasurer years ago... not because we didn't believe in the same things or didn't get along- but because we lived in different cities, and couldn't move to the other city to be together. It was hard. But I knew I just couldn't be happy living in a tiny-tiny small town, even if I was happy with him. I just had to be true to myself, even if it hurt for awhile.
I've learned in my old years... that what REALLY matters is not whether I am dating or not, whether I am alone or not, whether I'm married or not... what matters is that I remain true to myself and have peace with myself- in any of those situations. No one else can give me that peace if I don't do it for myself.
"or stand there astonished at who they really are"
That has happened to me many times. But only time tells - and it is not such a bad thing to see reality and make a decision based on it.
Hopefully the rest of your evening goes okay. The earthworms are asleep by now I am sure. Those big fat buggers gave me the creeps.
I was surely encouraged by how nice and interesting the moms at the volleyball game were today. One of them gave me the tip that Walmart carries the worms - so that was one less stop - those bad buggers are in the fishing section in that store. Imagine that!! I think that the moms with a lot of kids who participate in sports are nice because they are so busy and exhausted from running around. One of them has 4 boys and they are all in entirely different sport and go to 2 different schools.
I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. And as painful as it is right now, I hope you can hear the resounding "you are on the right track here no matter what the outcome" from the entire board so far. You are so emotionally intelligent and generous in the way you look at things and I think if you just keep yourself centered and surrounded by DD and other warm influneces in your life, you will come out with all of the answers you are looking for. I run a mastiff meetup group with 125 members in it. Crazy right? I started it when Monty was a puppy and hoped to maybe meet several people from the area who had his breed of dog and ended up with 125. I was always the girl who didnt have a group of friends because I was too busy making googly eyes at my violin. For me, violin gave me everything I needed - it was my best friend, my confidante, my lover, my teacher, the list goes on. In some ways it is still true but I basically missed out on a whole lot of socializing. And yet, I am a very social person - love to gab and joke and poke fun at myself a lot - kind of a born performer. Its been hard to merge the artist with the person I am and the mother I am. It has been easy to compartmentalize but meetup has taught me that I can be in a group, laugh and play, keep things simple and find the basic joys in life. It also gets me outside which as you can imagine with violin is not always easy. I cant say how much it has helped me find these essential parts of myself - it honestly seems immeasurable. Most of the members have no idea what I do with music because it never comes up which is GREAT. Its just me and my silly self and our beautiful animals. It is time consuming but so much fun. And I think I could really help you if you do take the plunge. I believe I pay 14 dollars a month for it and it is so worth it. There are extra costs but they have been mainly self imposed in the name of fun. I have printed and posted flyers and brought water for people and made very simple christmas bell collars around the holidays. We also made cards for people in the beginning and handed them out. As the group grew larger, many have offered to help with costs and we are now thinking of having a donations basket out for meetups to help out or possibly form an emergency fund for when members need help with surgical costs or unexpected vet bills. If you want, I can walk you through things and even sign you up for my own group so you can take a look at everything we have done to make our site friendly and attract new members. Just let me know ok? BIG HUGS for you over there and I hope you get some restful sleep...
Wow.. thanks for sharing citylife. Such an inspiration! I feel the energy and enthusiasm in what you share about your group. I love that.
I know for some MeetUp groups that the organizer asks for a couple of dollars each time the group meets to offset the group membership costs. So cool that you have created such a community and to consider helping others with their vet expenses and so on .. so great.
I believe you are helping to make the world a better place in your own way. I think that that is the best way of doing it, when one does it for themselves and the "by product" is that you help others by doing it.
Mark
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Good for you for recognizing the patterns in your life for relationships. I have said this before and it is relevant here that the people I attract (and am attracted to) in my life are an indicator of my spiritual health.
My past pattern has been with angry women (from my Mother). Of course they were not like that when I first met them and I was not consciously drawn to them but dang it all, they still showed up in my life. I have done a lot of personal growth work consciously and on my unconscious self and am grateful that it is paying off now with CNDG and my job.
I would recommend Harville Hendrix's book, Keeping The Love You Find. He goes into how our family-of-origin stuff affects our present day choices.
Take care and huggggggs, Mark
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Pages
Again my heartfelt thanks, Cat.
It's been routine that I call him around 10pm every night, we talk a bit before bed. I do the calling because of DDs sleep schedule, getting to bed etc. I call when she is settled.
I will hold off from calling tonight. Not to play games but because of exactly what you said plus I'm just emotionally wiped out and not in a good space to talk anyway.
Hugs-
It seems you are on the cusp of a transition in your life with Valentine’s Day eve with Blue Eyes triggering that.
What a day for you!!
((((((((((Pac-Sun)))))))))) omg dear... what tough thoughts to deal with. But I think you are on the right track. Whether it means the continuation of you and BE, or the end of it... I think you know that you HAVE to be able to have peace with yourself. And if you allow or enable the relationship to go on the way it is (with the alcohol and partying friends involved)- then you know it will go against what will bring you peace. And you can't go through life without peace.
I remember breaking up with County Treasurer years ago... not because we didn't believe in the same things or didn't get along- but because we lived in different cities, and couldn't move to the other city to be together. It was hard. But I knew I just couldn't be happy living in a tiny-tiny small town, even if I was happy with him. I just had to be true to myself, even if it hurt for awhile.
I've learned in my old years... that what REALLY matters is not whether I am dating or not, whether I am alone or not, whether I'm married or not... what matters is that I remain true to myself and have peace with myself- in any of those situations. No one else can give me that peace if I don't do it for myself.
I only wish you peace, Pac-Sun.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
"or stand there astonished at who they really are"
That has happened to me many times. But only time tells - and it is not such a bad thing to see reality and make a decision based on it.
Hopefully the rest of your evening goes okay. The earthworms are asleep by now I am sure. Those big fat buggers gave me the creeps.
I was surely encouraged by how nice and interesting the moms at the volleyball game were today. One of them gave me the tip that Walmart carries the worms - so that was one less stop - those bad buggers are in the fishing section in that store. Imagine that!! I think that the moms with a lot of kids who participate in sports are nice because they are so busy and exhausted from running around. One of them has 4 boys and they are all in entirely different sport and go to 2 different schools.
I run a mastiff meetup group with 125 members in it. Crazy right? I started it when Monty was a puppy and hoped to maybe meet several people from the area who had his breed of dog and ended up with 125. I was always the girl who didnt have a group of friends because I was too busy making googly eyes at my violin. For me, violin gave me everything I needed - it was my best friend, my confidante, my lover, my teacher, the list goes on. In some ways it is still true but I basically missed out on a whole lot of socializing. And yet, I am a very social person - love to gab and joke and poke fun at myself a lot - kind of a born performer. Its been hard to merge the artist with the person I am and the mother I am. It has been easy to compartmentalize but meetup has taught me that I can be in a group, laugh and play, keep things simple and find the basic joys in life. It also gets me outside which as you can imagine with violin is not always easy. I cant say how much it has helped me find these essential parts of myself - it honestly seems immeasurable. Most of the members have no idea what I do with music because it never comes up which is GREAT. Its just me and my silly self and our beautiful animals. It is time consuming but so much fun. And I think I could really help you if you do take the plunge. I believe I pay 14 dollars a month for it and it is so worth it. There are extra costs but they have been mainly self imposed in the name of fun. I have printed and posted flyers and brought water for people and made very simple christmas bell collars around the holidays. We also made cards for people in the beginning and handed them out. As the group grew larger, many have offered to help with costs and we are now thinking of having a donations basket out for meetups to help out or possibly form an emergency fund for when members need help with surgical costs or unexpected vet bills. If you want, I can walk you through things and even sign you up for my own group so you can take a look at everything we have done to make our site friendly and attract new members. Just let me know ok?
BIG HUGS for you over there and I hope you get some restful sleep...
Wow.. thanks for sharing citylife. Such an inspiration! I feel the energy and enthusiasm in what you share about your group. I love that.
I know for some MeetUp groups that the organizer asks for a couple of dollars each time the group meets to offset the group membership costs. So cool that you have created such a community and to consider helping others with their vet expenses and so on .. so great.
I believe you are helping to make the world a better place in your own way. I think that that is the best way of doing it, when one does it for themselves and the "by product" is that you help others by doing it.
Mark
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Its not lonely ... maybe scary ... but not lonely. B/c you have US :)
Good for you for recognizing the patterns in your life for relationships. I have said this before and it is relevant here that the people I attract (and am attracted to) in my life are an indicator of my spiritual health.
My past pattern has been with angry women (from my Mother). Of course they were not like that when I first met them and I was not consciously drawn to them but dang it all, they still showed up in my life. I have done a lot of personal growth work consciously and on my unconscious self and am grateful that it is paying off now with CNDG and my job.
I would recommend Harville Hendrix's book, Keeping The Love You Find. He goes into how our family-of-origin stuff affects our present day choices.
Take care and huggggggs,
Mark
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
Pages