I have learned this...
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| Fri, 05-12-2006 - 7:46pm |
I have learned many things but I have learned more about myself than anything. I have learned not be so open towards things. I need to slow down and not analyze but feel things out. Certainly it isn't a good idea to get involved with someone you work with because you have that constant reminder. The reality is that she may call but I have learned that I have to do what is BEST for ME and that is move on. That is the healthy thing. I am trying and its hard when u haven't had these feelings in a long long time. Murphys Law says she'll be back when I am in a relationship if at all which means that there is someone else out there waiting for the same thing I am. I will find someone and that person will be great beyond all imagination. In the meantime I will just continue working and spending time with friends. My feelings will wilt away but it will take time, that I know. By opening myself up and being sooo "soft" I end up hurting me more than anyone. Being open and honest is one thing but allowing yourself to form your own reality aside from what is really going on is a really bad habit. My psychologist is working with me and I meet with her tomorrow. Its hard when u don't have family close and you don't have that support group that is full of positive reinforcement. I have had some here but many of you seem bitter and bitter to the extent of being angry JMO. I certainly respect everyones pt of view and I have come to realize that I made many mistakes however I went in with the wrong mind set. There was bad timing. Generally speaking, it just wasn't meant to be....gee...how many of you told me that long ago. Anyways, if all of this doesn't show that I have learned something, but not everything, then I don't know what does.
ACES

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Hi Aces,
Yes - you did learn something about yourself. And you also learned about love and romance in the process.
I think that the next time around you will be more receptive to the real signals and able to catch it earlier on that someone is not into you.
What you want is "go" signals - not "mixed and no" signals. And now you know how to spot them better.
You will find someone great and then you will look back on this and realize it was just part of the learning process.
I think everyone here appreciates what a good guy you are and only wants the best for you - they don't want to see you get hurt.
I promise you that the feelings will wilt. What helps a lot is to keep yourself busy with activities you like and to get out and mix with friends and other people.
Matters of the heart involve emotion - and that is what makes them so difficult. We all know this.
Keep us posted - maybe you will even meet another single mom!! :-) We are always here for you - it is fun having a man on our board.
Aces,
I'm glad you feel that you did learn something out of all this. It's ok to be open and honest, but you need to step back at the first sign of "no" from the other person next time and not push so hard.
I will disagree with your comments about some members here being bitter though. A lot of the women here have been through a lot, and they are giving you advice from the heart- so don't judge that advice as "bitterness" because it's not what you wanted to hear. That's really unfair to do so.
I do hope you'll stick around and join in some of the other posts, we love to have you around, even if you're not seeking to date a single mom. It's always good to get dating advice from the other side, and we can help you snag that next hottie that catches you eye LOL!
(((Hugs)))
Way to go! I'm glad you're able to look back on all this and find out that you HAVE learned some valuable things! Like the others said- next time you will be much better at spotting the signs and have a better idea how to tell if someone is saying "yes" to you or sending mixed messages again (which means no- because the best 'yes' you get in a mixed message is only the strongest 'no').
I have one rule of dating that I think you've learned too: You don't get your Honey where you get your Money. It's just not a good thing if the relationship doesn't work out and you still have to see them every day. But of course, that 'rule' is one that I follow, and I know it does work out sometimes for some people who end up finding spouses at work. But it's just one that I know I don't want to get into because it's too risky.
I also don't think the women here are bitter. I think many of us have just learned many of these life lessons already and was trying to keep you from learning it the hard way. And then to see you keep on walking in front of the bus even though we'd told you not to... it does leave us wondering why you asked for advice in the first place. But again- I totally understand that because I've made some insane moves in my past as if I just HAD to test it myself no matter what others would say. And then I'd be learning my life lesson the hard way. It's just that we can tell what a great guy you are and how emotionally invested you were getting- and didn't want to see you get hurt. It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion and not being able to stop it. So yeah, I know I felt some anger in knowing that my efforts didn't help in saving you the pain we could see coming... but again- it's just something you had to just GO THROUGH to get the message. So it's done and you've gained some valuable knowledge- and in a way, that makes it all worth it, though I do feel bad that you've had to go through the heartbreak of it all.
I do hope you will not let her ways keep you from still being you, and still being open and honest the next time you find someone you want to pursue. Don't let her change you in any way except to have made you stronger and smarter.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
"You don't get your Honey where you get your Money."
Way to go, Shrimps!! That is a great saying!!
I am terribly sorry for judging all of you in that way...I certanily value the honesty. You are all right that I am learning what "go" signals are. Its just when someone comes to your house who is allegedly not into a relationship and lays back in your arms allowing you to kiss on their ears and neck, I would consider that a "go" signal. When someone flirts and hits you and gives you the "bird" and does those types of things where things are very positive, I consider that a "go" signal.
I have learned now that those things aren't necessarily true and that my perception was messed up. I learned though. Maybe thursday hanging out and having cocktails all she wanted was that attention that she missed from the past relationship. That comfort zone she was used to and was missing. To be honest if I would have said lets go to my house instead of the casino after the bar, I probably could have gotten laid. Of course in my heart I wanted soooo much more and that ruined that because I am not that shallow. Don't get me wrong I like the whole sex with no strings attached type thing but not with her. I saw her as more. The next one will be ten times better and will feel incredible I am certain. Again, my apology for judging.
ACES
Aces,
"when someone comes to your house who is allegedly not into a relationship and lays back in your arms allowing you to kiss on their ears and neck, I would consider that a "go" signal. When someone flirts and hits you and gives you the "bird" and does those types of things where things are very positive, I consider that a "go" signal"
Ok, from someone who was a big flirt in her teens/ early 20's, I'll tell you EXACTLY what this was:
Pining over a lost love is common.
Unrequited love is even more common.
You really need to take some time for yourself and re-evaluate what you want in life.
I believe you are destined for greater love, this one is not the one for you.
I very seldom have revelations anymore but I see one for you.
Your true love is right in front of you. She is slender with dyed blonde hair and blue eyes, she deals at the casino near you. a red and yellow striped shirt. She is shy and has been hurt deeply. I see a white trailer in the dust. I think she has a son, a young man with longer brown hair. she has been looking for you. I see a letter J and a letter L. I'm not sure what this means..initials?
The 28th is standing out strong with an orange #4..that is money won... $400 or $4,000.
This may not be correct..it's been awhile since I've focused on these insights.
Go to the casino that has an R in the name on the 27th- stay till the 28th. Money is imminent.
Let me know how I did :)
Aces, if be10der's right on, let us ALL know!!!!
Be10der, how about having a revelation for me, and can it involve money and a man, too?
I'm just kidding, and I'm totally NOT meaning to be disrespectful, so PLEASE do not get offended, I think it's pretty awesome!
I'm just sayin', is all, how come Aces gets the girl AND money?!?! Doesn't really seem fair... I could use some extra cash, since I'm not getting any extra... well- anything else at this point!
Moody- who is in awe of be10der and hopes for Aces' sake she's right on
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Moody- you're turn is up on the 10th, coincidentally- my Bday :)
It's not exact-
railroad tracks, a large white sign, Father's day brunch.. something with cars.. do you know a place like that?
a picnic table outside, beer and the bartender is blonde.The stool covers are a garrish red.
Friendly banter turns more serious and bets are made on the next round.
You don't really appreciate him at first but he grows on you. Give him your number and a chance, he's a lot more nervous than you. He is smitten. Your in a brownish tan, maybe camoflauge button down sleeveless and jeans, sandals.Wear your hair down... he likes it that way.
He's thin, with longer, brown, straight hair, green or blue eyes- pools of reflection you tell him..He's holding a green beer bottle...
Rolling rock or Molsen?
A camel toe beard.. he is not a knock out in looks but he has what you need.Trust me.
A pooltable- he plays but I'm not sure if you know how. I see him showing you how to aim the cue....it's the red striped ball. If you're playing stupid, it's working. He's in blue jeans and a brownish shirt? Black boots.
He has musical notes- it's not an instrument that normally thrills you but he is good, not great but he needs a muse.
There is no money forthright- a calm seagreen color that indicates to me you will work for what you want right now. He has one son and the name has a J. He smokes now but the will to be with you in a clean beginning can change his habits.
It may not be your absolute, I've never predicted a long term affair...as of yet. But I am pretty close I know.
Let me know how I did.. and remember, if you don't go out on the 10th- my prediction can't possibly be accurate!
~Be~ working miracles since I was mowed down in '72!
Be- A Miracle I need right now, so I'll definitely let you know how you did...
As for the rest, I don't know if I know a place like that, but the area I'm in, there are lots of railroad tracks near the places I usually go, so you could be onto something there.
The pool thing, hehe, you're definitely onto something there, as I play stupid a lot, (totally snickering here) sometimes not on purpose, as I'm not very good at it, but do know the basics.
I'm definitely intrigued!
Oddly enough, I've already got plans to go out on the 10th (and the place has a blonde bartender, if I remember correctly) , so we'll have to see what happens.
Moody- who hopes Be10der is right on
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