I know I am being stupid...but
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I know I am being stupid...but
| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:20pm |
I have been talking to a guy for a few months. We have work stuff in common. He asked me if we could get togher sometime. He knows I am separated and have kids, so that is out of the way. Anyway, we will be getting together.
Here is the stupid part- It feels like high school all over again as far as being overly-self conscious about my looks! I am petite, decent looking, and have a good job. Why is it that I am panicking about stretch marks and being not 22 anymore!!! I am 32, and had 3 kids....I can't expect to have a perfect body anymore! Can I ?!
I know I am getting ahead of myself, but starting to date again is a bit overwhelming. Anyone else feel like this when they started again?

When my ex husband and I split, I had SUCH self-esteem issues. He hadn't been demonstrative in the slightest for over a year, and I was so sure it was because I gained weight while pregnant, and he was not attracted to me. We had a ton of other issues, too, so it wasn't likely that that was the sole reason for our mutual lack of affection, since I wasn't even interested in being intimate with or touching him in any way, either.
However, as a woman, I couldn't see that our problems in the marriage would affect him the same way, and took it personally.
Anyway, after we split, it was so hard for me to believe any compliments I got- at all. I thought my friends were just saying that, men just wanted sex, my family had to say nice things about me....
Then I saw a picture of myself from when I was married versus one at that time. I hadn't physically changed AT ALL, yet I looked so much better in the post-split pic. It was because I was finally HAPPY!
Since then, I have lost over a hundred pounds, continue to maintain a healthy weight- even still losing some, really started caring about my appearance again, and kept myself busy. I haven't even given my body's flaws a thought in at least 3 years, when it comes to men. I still try to look my best, but the difference is that I'm doing anything I do now for ME. I want to look and feel a certain way for ME.
If a man doesn't like my figure, tough. If he can't handle stretch marks- from the babies and the weight loss, too bad. I'll always have a flat butt and green eyes and my arms could be much more tone than they are. But these things are a part of me, and I'm not at all ashamed to be who I am- physically and mentally. They are a reminder to me that I'm strong and of everything I've been through and done and lived. They are good things.
What I'm trying to say in all of these ramblings is that A) men don't see (and no one does, really) any of our flaws the way we do. Simple fact. B) every guy I've talked to LIKES a woman who isn't perfect, because neither are they and it takes the pressure off, curves are what make us womanly, and women who are too thin or too made up or too... whatever don't seem real to them. C) if you're truly happy and confident that's so much more attractive to ANYONE than the most lithe, fit, hot, gorgeous 22 year old with a self esteem problem- any day of the week.
Moody, who loves herself now more than ever
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I felt completely like that! I'm sure I will again, if I start dating someone different from the person I am currently seeing. What helped me is exercise. If I exercise, even just a little, every day (or so) I feel so much better about myself, and there is the added benefit of just being a little firmer. So, my advise would be to go for some walks, or go to the gym, and enjoy the deep breathing. It will also take your mind away from the anxiety.
good luck!
Mary
IT is overwhelming! I agree.
I believe a man likes a woman for so many reasons. Her smile, her eyes, the way she talks and moves, the way she makes him feel, her personality, her looks - they are very visual.
If he likes you the way you are when dressed - meaning he is into you for you and not just to meet his physical needs - then he will love you without clothes. Trust me, by the time you get to that point you are your own worst critic.
The thing is that you need to make sure he is really into you and you need to trust him - this takes time - then when the time is right you won't have all these worries.
An older woman who has a few scars of experience - aging, children - is lovely in her own way - she is not the spoiled brat that is inside the hot 20 year old's body.
Hope this helps you ... I gained 70# in my crappy marraige, over 8 yrs.