I know I shouldn't feel guity
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| Tue, 07-10-2007 - 3:28pm |
So I've been on 2 dates with a new guy - first one since my xh and I split. The first two times, my kids were with their dad. I really enjoy his company and he is happy to let me set the pace of how often we see each other.
I've gotten the sitter for the kids plenty of times so I can go out with friends. Well we went out again and this time I got a sitter and we met out (so he didn't come to the house and didn't come back to the house). On the way there and on the way home, I felt guilty - a little like I was cheating. While we were together I had a great time, enjoyed his company and didn't feel badly at all or even think about it. But once back in the car and at home, I felt low again. And I worried that someone had seen us out together - a thought that didn't occur to me the first two times or while we were out.
Considering my xh didn't bother waiting until we split (or he told me he was not happy) to start dating, why do I feel guilty? It was more like I was lying to the kids. What is this strange feeling? I am looking forward to seeing this guy again and I want to get to the bottom of this feelng. Is it just that i need to get used to going out on dates again? Or am I just crazy?

Well I can totally relate if that is any consolation to you at all. My two cents worth, I think, just being a Mom, we tend to feel guilty whenever we focus on our own happieness. So that may be a part of it. The fact that your were out having fun during time wou would have normally spent with your children might be contributing to your feelings as well. Plus, I don't know how fresh your split from your xh is but that may have something to do with it too.
My x and i just separated this past spring and I know the wounds are still open at this point (more so for my children as they adjust and for X who realized he just blew a really good thing). My children are in a very clingy stage and, while I absolutely understand that and indulge them 99.9% of the time, I know I need some "me" time. So far that wee bit of time that I do take for myself has helped me gain back some of my confidence and a great deal of my happieness.
You have not done anything wrong and you need to look after your own happieness. Once you get out a little bit more and your children realize that Mom always come home and that they have fun with the babysitter, I think it will ease your conscience.
You are a great Mom and you deserve to be happy. That means you have to take time for yourself.
hang in there...
Rose
You've got a good point. I feel like I am taking time away from them. But they LOVE the sitter. They jump up and down when I tell them that she is coming over. Considering they are with me 28 days a month and I get the sitter maybe 4 nights, they get a lot of quality time with me.
I deserve a little romance in my life. Thanks.