I met someone

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
I met someone
16
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 9:54am
Hi all,
I just thought I would drop you a line and let you know that I did go ahead and put a personal ad out there. At first I got what I expected, which was mostly guys who figured I was a single mom with 5 kids and I would be easy to get into bed.
Then, I started getting some nicer guys responding, but still not what I was looking for.
And then, there he was. His name is Jim. He IM'd me one day and just swept me off my feet. He lives not too far away, so we decided to meet each other.
I was nervous and excited. I got there and called my friend to let her know I made it ok. She was so funny, she called me a couple minutes later and asked me what I thought about him.
We had a wonderful time together. We talked about a lot of things. He's a wonderful kisser. He wrote me a poem. It was beautiful.
He has 2 children. His son is 10 and his daughter turns 7 today. His divorce will be final next month, mine won't be final until August.
Anyway, we hit it off so well that I took my profile off the site. I am so excited. I can't believe I met him. He is wonderful and I am so happy. I hope it keeps on like this.
All the Best,
jean

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: speckled15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 8:30am
I would just like to know why I always-ALWAYS-have to learn things the hard way. I am just so mad at myself for falling for this guy so quickly. I knew there was something he wasn't telling me and sure enough it came out yesterday, well as much as he wanted to tell me anyway. I feel like such an idiot.
jean
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: speckled15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 9:16am


Let it go Jean...live and learn. Maybe you're like me. I have had to butt my head against the wall a few times before something sinks in. :)

But just DON'T get excited...just don't...just keep repeating to yourself..."I will NOT get excited"...LOL. Sometimes I've had to do that...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: speckled15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 9:50am
yeah I know. It is just so hard to be alone. I love my kids, but I am a social person. I love to talk to people. I love men. I like feeling sexy and attractive after not feeling at all like a woman for so long. I was craving a man's touch and attention. He gave me that. I let go too much. I know I did. I know it was stupid and potentially very dangerous. The whole time I was telling myself that I shouldn't be doing this-I shouldn't be here. But I just couldn't listen to reason right then. I got all caught up in what he was telling me. You know-the things a woman loves to hear,"I love you, I want to spend my life with you, stay with me...."
Oh, it was just insanely stupid. Hormone driven, blinded by loneliness, not clear thinking, plain stupidity.
I'm not ready to date. I can't handle being alone yet. I'm just not ready. I wish I had heeded some good sound advice I had gotten from you all. But loneliness overrides logic. Logic isn't sexy. Logic doesn't fulfill any desires.
Ugh. I'm sorry. In some ways I wish I could change it, in others I'm glad it happened. Live and learn, right?
Thanks,
jean
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: speckled15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 10:00am


yep...live and learn.

I don't know if it would be a solution for you or not at this point. But I'm trying to "be in good places" and meet good people, men included. All the time keeping in mind that I am NOT looking to date any of them.

I get male companionship, and some good reinforcement (admiration)without the dangerous, emotional, roller coaster part.

Hormones can be hell. Hang in there.

Hugs
Candi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
In reply to: speckled15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 12:44pm

Hi Jean,

I realize that things did work out this time. I guess, all I'd say is that it is too easy to be both too excited or too cautious.

I think finding the happy medium that works for you is what you have to find.

Admittedly, I've always known that I over invested too early. It's just the way that I am. Did I feel bad when I got burned? Sure. But I would have felt worse if something fell apart and I felt like I might have caused it by hedgeing my emotional bet simply because I wanted to protect myself.

It seems to me to be a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy at some point.

Duck and cover for a while, then peek out when you feel better.

Brian

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: speckled15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:00pm

Hi Jean,
don't worry about feeling like an idiot. We've ALL done it. I dated for years and years and years, because I just WANTED someone in my life. Anyone. I didn't care to settle or be clicking with the guy or not. I was just not thinking clearly and thought I was clicking with all. It all came down to either me dumping them or I made them get so sick of me (on purpose) that they dumped me. After the initial thrill was gone and I no longer appreciated that they didn't treat me like a princess, I took off. In the end everyone told me that they never did, I just wouldn't see it. HOWEVER, years and years and finally last summer I put my foot down. No more settling. I'll find the man, but I am not dating until I really think the guy is worth it. It's been months now. Almost 9. That is unbelievable for anyone that ever met me. I am a VERY social, all over the place, crazy, wild woman. I mean I am really nuts. This is usually why I attract such a really young group of men (21-24), instead of around my age(34). It was time for me though to finally, for the first time in my life since i started dating at 14, to take time for me. That took a tremendous step for me to get that far. I never thought I had a problem, but I did. I couldn't stand the idea of being alone. Now I feel like a new person and I have been healing soooooooooo well now. Even without a therapist. I have my ups and downs on days and stress regarding other things in my life, but no longer "man stress", but basically I am ok. I know what I want now and what I need and that helps me through most of the time. Right now I am having a bit of a battle again with myself regarding a certain someone, but I am playing it cool and trying not to think about it toooo much.

I am soooo sorry your hurting. Darlin, I totally feel for you! I really really do. I know just how you feel. Let yourself cry it out. I do that. No matter how little I know a guy. I get rid of them in my head, by crying my heart out. Does wonders! I'm a big emotional bundle so I do stuff that always involves emotion.

The best thing to do is get back in the scene and forget it and during that time you just need to do stuff for yourself. A man will eventually be their for you. This guy was just a player and a jerk and if I could wring his neck right now, I'd do it!

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