I need to be honest and I hope its ok

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
I need to be honest and I hope its ok
56
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 5:28pm
Best of luck all!!
MaryBeth


Edited 12/29/2004 10:31 am ET ET by mbfun
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 11:01pm

Why are you saying this in reply to my post? I said I didn't want them to leave. I said I appreciated and wanted their advice. All I suggested was a compromise. If you don't like the suggestion, fine, you don't need to say 'there's not a gun to my head to make me stay.' A separate folder could be right below the main folder. Lots of boards have more than one very active folder. I may continue to go to visit the Debt Support Group after I am debt free, but if I want to brag about how exciting it is to spend my money on something other than credit card interest, or ask for advice on what to do with all my excess money, they have a separate folder for that.

Edited to add: I can and would mention I am debt free and how I did it when I post to someone on Debt Support. It is important on any board to have people who have 'been there done that.' It is great having a women who was single for years and is now married give me some advice on my dating situation, but I am not in the best position to give support for someone posting how wonderful it is their husband made them breakfast for their birthday, and that is not what I am here for.




Edited 12/28/2004 11:18 pm ET ET by firstamendment

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 11:13pm
I said to "anyone's" head...and I didn't mean you personally. It was just a differing opinion to you saying "change the name of the board". People come and go on the bulletin boards...we've had people leave, come back, and go again. If they change the name to fit each situation, it would just be chaotic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 11:26pm
I didn't say change the name of the board. I said add to the description so that people coming here know it is also for support for those that are mothers and married. You don't need to change the description just because married women are ON the board. But if we are going to say married women are invited, welcomed or encouraged to ask for support and advice on marriage and husband issues, then it should be properly reflected in the description.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 12:38am

"There is something that has been bothering me and a few other single moms here. Now I want you to know I care about each of you but for the married ladies-- posting about pregnancy- husband issues- household issues really are not why we are here and it OUTS the single moms dating who are here."


MaryBeth, firstamendment, and others who feel uncomfortable/bothered

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 12:49am

"It is great having a women who was single for years and is now married give me some advice on my dating situation, but I am not in the best position to give support for someone posting how wonderful it is their husband made them breakfast for their birthday, and that is not what I am here for."


The beauty of a message board is that you don't have to give support to anybody you don't want to give support to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 1:01am

It hurts to ask those to leave but then again . . .
I just feel its inappropriate in alot of aspects to post here.

I'm not leaving.

And if my posts bother you, please feel free to put me on ignore. Problem solved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 5:51am

I agree, Maggie. Thank you, as always, for your profound typing fingers. I have really learned a lot from you and always enjoy your writing style and your advice.

I am sorry that you have to answer these negative comments when you have so generously given your time to us. Please don't think you are not cherished and appreciated. You are one of the kindest people here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 7:22am

>>>MaryBeth, firstamendment, and others who feel uncomfortable/bothered by the married women who post here: WHY are you uncomfortable with our presence here, and/or the posts we share here? What exactly is the issue you have with it?<<<

I have tried, obviously in vain to explain my position. I am not uncomfortable with posts from married women, and I am not bothered by it. If you can't read that in my posts then I don't think there is much I can do, and I give up. I am not here to whine and complain, but the other day I was having a dating-bf-related emotional crisis. Only two people cared to notice the developments in thread. Either it was overlooked because I am new, or for whatever reason people didn't have advice/suggestions for me. Or it was that news about pregnancy dominated that day. Maybe it was a little of both. It did, however, make me think about what I am doing here and why I am spending energy posting about myself here when I'm a big girl and should be taking care of myself instead of patiently waiting on you guys for advice. I appreciate the advice I received when I first arrived, but maybe it is now time for me to move on. I did not intend to get wrapped up in a debate about the board operations. I had an opinion and I shared it, and then have spent too much time clarifying it. If everyone wants to believe I'm saying married posters should leave or the board should be segregated, I am sorry you have misunderstood me.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 7:33am
I agree with you and the quote you copied sounds more negative when read out of the context of the rest of my post. All I was trying to do was suggest a compromise that would make sense. I don't see why it would be such a big deal for a post, that is say seeking advice on how to do deal with a marriage issue, can't be in a folder just below the first folder. That is the purpose of folders - when a board has multiple purposes it sometimes helps to have more than one "main" folder. The other folder does not have to be an off-topic folder, or an inactive folder, and people who are on this board would post in both places. The child support/custody issues board has two main folders, one for each topic, and members of the board actively post in both. It would just make it easier when you are depressed about being single to avoid posts about being married (not all posts, just those seeking *support* for marriage issues) - it would not discourage support from married posters or decrease/avoid conversation about being married. Oh forget it. Like I said before, it was just a suggestion. If you don't like it, you can just ignore it.



Edited 12/29/2004 7:34 am ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 8:28am

I was one of the people who helped you and have followed your posts. I believe the others didn't answer because my answer was good and quite frankly, there is no answer to your situation.

I truly don't believe that you would receive more help because there are fewer posts about marriage, babies and houses.

Further, most of the posts on the "heavily responded" messages are actually banters and conversations about other subjects. So you shouldn't take that personally.